- So I'm actually excited to show you the Russian snacks
because just thinking about the snacks
that I'm gonna give you today I'm getting excited.
Like I'm thinking about my childhood.
- I have a feeling that
Team USA snacks are going to win
solely because they've been handcrafted and pumped full of
chemicals to make them the perfect level of desirability,
whereas Russians are like "add more vinegar, more vodka."
- There's just gonna be natural.
You're just gonna feel salt or you're gonna feel sugar.
- I always had the best snacks on the playground.
- You guys trade snacks on playgrounds?
- In American elementary schools everyone's like,
"I'll give you a pudding cup for your Lunchable."
- We had like cigarette trades
on our playgrounds and people - Bartering, negotiate--
- were like trading bottles of liquor on our playground.
- Alright, snack number one we have the Pop-Tart.
It is awesome because it can count
as a snack and a breakfast.
- I have Pryaniki.
It's basically like a Pop-Tart except better.
It's got a beautiful decoration,
it's like gingerbread flavor and then it's got filling.
- I'm sorry, this could literally count as a weapon.
(thud)
(laughing)
- Yeah so usually you would share that, with tea.
- Mmm. Do I have something on my face?
- (laughing) Yeah.
No, no you're good, you're good.
- Oh wow, that's actually pretty melt-in-your mouth.
Not something like that, that takes a while to chew.
- Yeah, let's just show the difference
in bread and jam ratio.
- You see this filling tastes like more natural.
I'm gonna have to go with this,
just because I think the filling is delicious
and it's got great-- - I'll actually
side with this.
- Next snack we have the delicacy Hot Pockets,
which could either be a delicious
pocket of pizza or an atomic bomb of pain.
- Here we have piroshok.
It's with meat and onions chopped up together.
It's sort of baked in this croissant that's Russian-style.
- It's pretty good, it just tastes like,
is it chicken?
- Yeah!
- Just tastes like chicken and some bread.
- Russia does way too much bread!
That's not logical!
- Look at all that stuffing.
- That's how much filling is in there?
The rest of this is bread!
- This is good.
I like it, I approve.
- Beef friggin' jerky.
What do you got?
- Taranka!
- People love this, you go to the banya, which is like
a spa, and you have a beer and you eat this dried fish.
And it's honestly, I'm gonna warn you, it smells.
- The smell in this room-- - Push it out.
- is gonna like oomph.
(gagging)
- Don't be rude to my culture, okay?
- Oh I'm so sorry fish is just so gross
I don't even like it cooked.
- Wow it smells, I smell it from here.
You're ruining my beef jerky experience.
- You have to eat sort of like the top.
There's a bone here, so you just try to eat--
- Children cannot eat snacks with bones in them, Russia!
See in America, we aren't even allowed to have
Kinder Surprise Eggs, they're worried that American children
will swallow the toys inside a Kinder Surprise Egg.
(laughing)
- That's why you--
- I can't!
- You have to peel it.
And then you sorta have it like that.
- Is it like string cheese?
But string fish.
- No? Really?
- Oh God, I'm gonna throw up.
- Are you serious?
- That stuff is great.
You have to be in a mood for that type of stuff.
- If I was drunk, I would be pissed that I was gettin'
bones in my teeth and that I had to work for this.
If I was stoned, I would get frustrated
trying to peel it, I would give up.
There's no practical application for this snack in my life.
- Syrok is like a little,
it's like a cold cheesecake covered in chocolate.
It's amazing.
- We have the all-American, can withstand
the apocalypse snack, Twinkies.
- That's pretty good.
- Is this supposed to be frozen?
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Boom!
Yeah, okay, this is good.
Oh no!
It's so good but my fingers just smell like fish!
(laughing)
- My throat burns from this Twinkie, that's not normal.
- The Twinkie, I can have a bite of it,
it's really heavy for me.
This, I could just kill like three of them.
- Suhariki: dried bread, man.
It's like croutons with flavor.
- Well we got pretzels!
- You know what it tastes like?
- Dried bread with salt?
- Yeah, exactly.
- It's garlicky, it's herbaceous, it's crunchy, it's oily.
I stan.
- These are good!
- Right? - Mhm.
- I used to love them.
And there's all kinds of flavors.
- 10 out of 10, would definitely pick these over pretzels.
- I think I choose the long croutons over the pretzels.
(crunching)
- Cheetos, which are dried.
- Bubliki.
They're basically--
- Please say that, repeat that back for me?
- Bub-li-ki.
(laughing)
- Wait, shut the (beep).
You're saying boob licky?
(laughing)
- This tastes like if you took those old graham crackers
that you have in the back of the cabinet
for like three years that you forgot about,
that you left open, and you took them and you ground them up
and you put some water, and then you made these little
circle things and then baked 'em.
- That's actually how they make them.
- It's not too sweet, it's good.
- I don't know, it's too much.
Too much cheese.
- So how do your fingers look?
That is the Cheetos signature, y'all.
- These are amazing.
I would lick my fingers for these.
- Marmelad!
This is like jello with sugar and it tastes like lemon
and it's amazing and you have it with tea,
you dip it in tea and then it gets all soft
and all the sugar gets in your tea
and then it melts in your mouth and it's beautiful
and it's amazing, it's so delicious.
- Oreos: it is a chocolate creme cookie.
- I can't say anything, the Oreos are great!
- I mean it's even better if you just dip it in some milk.
- Mmm that tastes like a lemon air freshener.
Thoughts?
- Good.
- I'm not really a big lemon fan
but I like whatever this is.
- They're both delicious.
- What are these called again?
- Marmelad.
- We got Jolly Ranchers.
I just a little fruit candies.
- This is a rooster on a stick
and whenever you go to a movie theater
or you go to a circus, circuses are very popular
back home, you always get this.
It's so frickin' good I just suck his little head.
(laughing)
Stop it!
- I don't know what flavor it is.
What flavor is it?
- I don't know what flavor it is.
- Nobody knows? It's just-- - It's like a
(speaking Russian) flavor.
- Pitoshot?
- I doesn't have a fruity flavor, it just is sweet.
- Is it fun?
- It's a lot of fun, I'm having a blast.
- Jolly Ranchers are amazing.
- The problem with this not having a stick
is I'm scared that if I suck a little too hard,
it might get (chokes)
Go right down - And choke on it.
No, it'll slide - I might choke on it.
- Right down your gullet.
(swallows)
Don't, oh my god!
- Well Gary thank you for
sharing your snacks. - Yes.
- Thank you for eating my snacks.
Guys, expand your snack world.
Try Russian snacks, try dried fish.
Don't try dried fish, do whatever you want.
(speaking Russian)
(upbeat folk music)