When my wife and I first found out that we were expecting
my perspective on busyness started to change a lot. And
that’s because it became increasingly clear to me that busyness is a choice.
And at the end of the day, we’re busy because we choose to be. Not because we are.
However, in a lot of ways, it’s easy for us to blame our busyness on the assumption
that we don’t have enough time in our day, rather than accepting it as a choice we made.
For the last serval months, my reality has been what I’m calling The Busyness Paradox.
Where I’ve felt this constant, overwhelming pressure to do a million things in a day—but
then, after ten, twelve, and sometimes 14 hours of working nonstop.
When I’m tired and finally winding down, I often realize I didn't do much of anything at all.
And on the days that this would happen my frustration would boil like no other.
Leading me to believe and preach the same old tale: “if only I had more hours in my day,
then I’d be able to get everything done.”
Now I’ll be the first to tell you that it would be nice to have an extra 2
or 3 hours in a day because as a night owl, I could use that time to get some additional sleep.
But, although we all wish we had more time in our day—we don’t—we only get 24 hours.
So it’s crucial that we resist the urge to feel pressured by this limited time,
so we can make more of the time we have and break out of the "cult," that is "busyness."
Now I don’t know if you have kids yet or not, but for me as a soon-to-be new dad,
something I’m sure of is that I don’t want my son growing up wishing that dad wasn’t so busy.
So before my little man gets here in October I’ve started to make some significant changes
in my life by decluttering my commitments, so I can commit to being committed to those
things that actually matter. And that process is what I want to share with you.
Because as I begin to make these adjustments in my life.
I want this conversation to encourage you to do the same so you can ultimately live
your life with more clarity, while staying true to you and what’s important to you.
Before looking over your commitments and deciding what should be cut out,
it’s important to get clear on what’s important to you first.
As I’ve said, one of my goals is to ensure that my son doesn’t feel like dad is always too busy.
So in my case family time is a priority that immediately jumped
to the top of my list of core values when we found out we were expecting.
This means that I’ve been adjusting my habits now before my son arrives
to ensure my schedule reflects this value and new priority.
Which will hopefully make the transition for me much smoother once he’s officially here.
It’s so easy for our commitments to take over our lives without
us even consciously realizing it is happening.
I’ve lost myself in my work more times than I’d like to remember,
and it’s impacted my sleep quite a bit.
But something I’ve recently found very useful is asking questions that help me
define my priorities whenever I find myself in a situation where busyness is taking over my life.
One of my favorite questions to ask or think about is: “what is the likely outcome of making this
current situation I’m in a priority? And what is the outcome if I don’t make it a priority?”
I’ve always found in my life that simple shifts in
your thinking will compound into significant changes in your life.
And questions like this one have definitely encouraged a few shifts in my thinking.
Now as an added bonus I put together a priorities assessment—which is a pdf with a list of questions
that I’ve found useful at helping you reassess your commitments and define your priorities
If you want to grab a copy, you can download it on my website at ronaldlbanks.com/priorities.
Having a clear plan for your schedule and your time makes it so much easier
to manage the busyness that can quickly clutter our lives.
I don't know about you, but for me, it takes no effort at all to allow
my schedule to quickly fill up all of the available time I have in a day—which
in the past has left me frustrated and wishing for more time in my day.
But what I’ve learned, especially now that my life is changing,
is that by having pre-set boundaries in place,
I’m able to prevent my calendar from being taken over by things that really don’t matter to me.
Giving me the opportunity to commit to being committed to those things that do matter.
Just because someone else is doing a zillion things and appears to be handling it all well,
does not mean that is the direction you should go in.
See comparing your life and circumstances,
or accomplishments to someone else’s is never going to end well.
Because we were each created uniquely with different talents, desires, and capacities. But in
order to see those things through and reach our potential. We have to give up busyness,
by decluttering our commitments and then listening to our bodies' needs.
The concept of self-care is something that I haven’t seen talked about much
amongst men. And it’s unfortunate because self-care, when done right,
can have a major positive impact on your life, your priorities, and how you view busyness.
And I know this because I’m a man who’s talked about self-care in this video here.
And trust me it’s such a simple thing that will help you fill your life with more of what matters.
So click that thumbnail and I’ll see you over there.
Keep growing, keep learning, and always stay true to you. Peace!