"Oh look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on
this guy's finger so the whole world will know?"
Maybe you've seen this episode of the Golden Girls that explained marriage equality to
America, over two decades before it was legalized.
The show did something amazing here -- not only did it teach America how to be a friend
to gay people, it also introduced millions of viewers to topics like coming out and gay
marriage, while also slipping in a message of queer empowerment.
All aboard!
Welcome to Matt Baume's culture cruise, where we take a tour of queer milestones in movies,
in TV, in games, and more.
On this voyage, we're taking a look at the time Blanche's gay brother taught the Golden
Girls -- and America -- about coming out and getting married.
The cruise is made possible through the support of folks like Gary Cannon who pledge a dollar
or more a month on Patreon -- click the link in the description or visit Patreon.com/mattbaume
to help support the show.
The Golden Girls' adventure in homosexuality starts with the 1988 episode Scared Straight.
Blanche's brother Clayton is coming to visit, and he's like her in every way -- including
some that she doesn't quite know about yet.
When the episode starts, they're preparing to welcome Clayton to the house, and Rose
is eager to put out the welcome mat.
"We won't have a welcome mat."
"What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?"
Clayton is very suave and very southern and very gay, but nobody knows that yet, because
he's scared to come out.
For now, Blanche just wants to set him up on dates.
"Oh, well I've done a little matchmaking."
"Blanche, not again."
"Yes, again!"
And off Clayton goes to the park with a beard named Lois.
Blanche stays behind to offer Dorothy some romance tips that are ... not great?
"Did you know that if you blow on the tip of a man's earlobe it can drive him absolutely
crazy?"
As a man with an earlobe I can confirm that this would, in fact, drive me crazy, in that
I would be like "what are you doing?"
Anyway, she goes on to demonstrate this strange heterosexual mating ritual and Sophia catches
them.
Sophia's b-plot this week is that she's convinced she's about to die, but before she goes she's
got a little casual homophobia for the girls:
"I'm going to be dead in 24 hours, couldn't you stay in the closet for one more day?"
Remember that line, because family rejection of queer people is going to come up again
very very soon.
It's not a very nice joke, but we know Sophia doesn't mean it because in an episode about
Dorothy's lesbian friend, two seasons earlier, she said this:
"If one of my kids was gay, I wouldn't love him one bit less.
I would wish him all the happiness in the world.
"That's because you're the greatest mother in the world and I love you."
"Fine.
Now keep your fat mouth shut so I can get some sleep."
I have another video about that episode -- you can find it on my YouTube channel.
The Golden Girls has always been a great show for LGBT characters -- with the possible exception
of how their gay butler vanished after the pilot -- and we're about to see Blanche learn
an important lesson about how to treat queer family.
But first, we fade to the park, where Clayton's ditched his date and runs into Rose.
They sit for a moment and admire the scenery, and that's when Rose notices that Clayton's
admiring one particular part of the scenery more than others.
"That's a man and you're a man!
You're both men!"
This is my favorite trope of very-special-gay episodes: straight people who JUST DON'T GET
IT until it's blindingly obvious.
Rose was here two seasons ago in the lesbian episode:
"I'm quite fond of you."
"I'm fond of you too."
So she catches on a lot faster this time.
"Clayton, you're that thing everyone said Argle Arson's nephew was because he wore paisley
clogs and gave out puff pastry at Halloween."
And Clayton comes clean:
"I'm gay, Rose."
He's surprisingly forthcoming with her, given the times: this aired in 1988, a very dark
point in the HIV epidemic.
There was tremendous stigma around being gay, since it was closely associated with a virus
that was killing thousands of people.
The was a ton of misinformation and ignorance -- a lot of Americans thought that they could
get a deadly disease just by being near gay people.
Various states were thinking about forcibly quarantining anyone who tested positive.
And violence against gay people was widespread: earlier that year, a man in Texas was convicted
of murdering two gay men, but the judge reduced his sentence because his victims were gay.
So in that climate, it's very brave of Clayton to come out to Rose.
But he can't quite muster the courage do to the same with Blanche.
"Have you tried telling her?
Every time I see her, and I always chicken out."
In 1988, if you came out to your family, they might refuse to ever talk to you again.
In fact, for all the progress we've made in the last 30 years, that's still the case for
a lot of people.
Family rejection has always been a huge risk when coming out, and when this episode aired
there was even more fear and ignorance and violence than there is today.
But Rose believes in the goodness of her friend:
"I know Blanche.
I mean she’d be upset but not for long.
And just think how it would help you two in the long run."
It takes a few attempts for Clayton to really come out...
"Well I ran into Rose in the park and -- we slept together last night."
Okay, try again.
"I'm gay, Blanche."
Congratulations, Clayton, you did it!
And your timing is perfect: this episode aired just a few weeks after the very first National
Coming Out Day.
In 1988, coming out was literally a matter of life and death.
There was widespread stigma and violence against LGBT people, and it was vital to show that
LGBT people were everywhere, were part of everyone's family, and weren't a threat.
Coming Out Day was a brand new idea when this episode aired, an organized effort to make
queer people visible like they never had been before.
It was a powerful way to prove that queer people are a part of everyone's family, and
to show Americans that anti-LGBT attitudes hurt people they care about.
It's huge that this conversation is happening on a show watched by millions of people.
The episode's doing double duty: it's letting countless gay people know they're not alone,
and it's introducing millions of straight people to the very concept of coming out -- something
that many would never otherwise think about.
And it's all happening thanks to the encouragement of Rose, who I just have to point out puts
on full makeup and jewelry to sit at home and read a cat magazine to herself.
If this lady can be compassionate towards gays, hey America, maybe you could be too.
Anyway, Blanche is stunned by the news about her brother.
"I just feel like I don't know you anymore."
But soon enough they understand each other:
"You used to be just like me."
"What, great looking?"
"Yes."
"Charming?"
"yes."
"Irresistible to men?"
"My God Clayton, you are me."
Clayton was right that things might change between them.
But it never occurred to him that they might change for the better.
That they might understand each other in a way they'd been missing out on for years.
"I spent a long time lying to myself.
It felt a lot better when I stopped.
It feels better being honest with you too."
Blanche has a lot of traditional southern values, and that includes a conservatism when
it comes to sex -- which is a bit rich considering how much of it SHE has.
But there's another value at work here: love for her family.
Wanting to protect her brother.
"What can I bring you sweetheart?"
"Don't you dare talk to him like that.
Now you get out of here."
So now Blanche is getting used to having a gay brother.
But at the very end of the episode, there are a few hints that she still has a ways
to go.
The girls are choosing a restaurant, and...
"Let's got to Jose's.
We always go there to celebrate."
"The food there is great."
"Yeah and they make all the waiters wear these really skintight bullfighter's pants.
"Really?
"Let's go to emilio's."
Okay, so Blanche doesn't want to think about her brother staring at men in tight pants
over dinner.
That's fair.
But she's going to have to get used to the idea of her brother having a sex life eventually.
In fact, she has exactly two years, because that's when we get the season 6 episode Sister
of the Bride.
Clayton has learned to be honest about who he is, and to overcome his fear of rejection.
Now it's Blanche's turn to do the same.
In the two years since Clayton came out, she seems to have slid back into denial.
"Dorothy, I think that gay thing was just a phase he was going through."
In fact, when he arrives for a visit this time, something new has been added:
"This is Doug.
He's my friend.
My very special friend."
"Well any friend of Clay's is a friend of ..."
Blanche is deeply afraid of people finding out about Clayton and his partner, Doug.
"Are you crazy, what will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom?"
"They'll think it's Tuesday."
And once again, Rose is, oddly, the voice of reason:
"Blanche I don't understand you.
You can't very well say you've accepted clayton unless you accept the fact that he dates."
"Rose is right.
And besides Blanche, in this day and age, you should be thrilled that he's in a monogamous
relationship."
But Blanche just can't get used to the idea:
"Oh, what are people going to say?"
While Blanche spent the last two years convincing herself that Doug isn't gay, he's clearly
done a lot of growing.
Honestly it seems like his relationship is pretty great.
"Blanche we don't have to worry what the world thinks of our relationship.
It doesn't matter because we're there for each other.
I'd do anything for Doug, and he'd bend over backwards for me."
I know that bending over backward's supposed to be sexual but I just can't wrap my head
around how it would actually work in the bedroom.
Anyway, Clayton has one more surprise for Blanche -- and listen to how the audience
bursts into laughter at the news:
"We're getting married."
Rose's reaction is more multifaceted.
"Oh.
Oh!
Oh?"
This aired in 1991, and at the time, "oh.
Oh!
Oh?" is how a lot of Americans felt about legal recognition for same-sex relationships.
Just a few weeks before this episode aired, three couples in Hawaii filed a lawsuit in
an attempt to be married and the country freaked out.
That lawsuit was the start of the modern marriage equality strategy that eventually won, over
a decade later.
There had been prior lawsuits, but the Hawaii case in 1991 was taken seriously like none
before.
And for a while it looked like we might actually get marriage by the mid '90s -- and then the
Defense of Marriage Act happened in 1996, which banned marriage recognition, and was
only overturned in 2013.
Just like the previous Clayton episode prompted millions of Americans to think about coming
out, this episode prompted millions to think about why gay people might want to get married.
It would be another two and a half decades before America got nationwide marriage equality,
but the early '90s were when the idea gained serious consideration.
And once again, a goofy sitcom about charming little old ladies was out in front of the
issue.
Americans were overwhelmingly opposed to marriage equality when this episode aired.
And Blanche was among them.
"I cannot believe what I just heard.
I refuse to have any part of this!"
Blanche is terrified of what people will say, and later at a banquet she panics when someone
almost finds out about her brother.
"I'm Clayton, Blanche's brother.
And this is Doug, he's my --" "Fire!
Fire!
Everybody out!"
It wasn't long ago that Clayton was in a similar position -- going to great lengths to hide
who he was for fear of rejection.
But in the two years between these episodes, he's moved past that.
It hurts that Blanche hasn't kept up:
"What did you mean when you told me you could accept me being gay?
Did you mean it was okay as long as I was celibate?
Okay as long as I don't hall in love?
Doug is a part of the family now, my family, and if you don't like it, you don't have to
be a part of my family."
That's a tough position -- either accept me or get out of my life -- but it's the right
one to take.
And once again, the show's slipping in a message of queer empowerment, telling all the Claytons
watching: You're in control; stand your ground; take pride in whom you love and don't let
anyone make you feel ashamed.
If your family can't accept you, they doesn't deserve to have you in their lives.
So now we come to the famous scene, where Sophia completely changes Blanche's perspective
on marriage in about twenty seconds.
"Oh look I can accept the fact that he's gay.
But why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?"
"Why did you marry George?"
"We loved each other.
We wanted to make a lifetime commitment, wanted everybody to know."
"That's what Doug and Clayton want too.
Everyone wants someone to grow old with.
And shouldn't everyone have that chance?"
That's it -- so simple, four lines of dialogue.
Sophia points out that what Clayton wants is exactly what Blanche wanted, and exactly
what so many other people want.
And remember, this episode aired just as people were starting to take marriage equality seriously.
People were used to just laughing off the idea of two men getting married.
But not for much longer.
This is when Blanche begins to understand how Clayton feels.
But she still isn't sure how she feels.
"Well Clay, this is very difficult for me.
I still can't say I understand but I'll try to respect your decision to do it.
I want you to be happy."
That's not bad.
Ok, so Blanche isn't about to march in a pride parade.
(Although Rue McClanahan often did.)
What's so touching about this ending is that it's really not an ending at all -- it's the
start of Blanche finally doing the work she said she was going to do two years ago when
Clayton came out.
She's finally acknowledging that accepting her gay brother is going to be hard for her,
it'll be a struggle, but she's going to work on it because she loves him.
And that's a pretty accurate reflection of where America was at that point on LGBT issues.
Unsure, awkward, with a lot of progress to make -- but moving in the right direction.
These two episodes are a perfect reflection of America's attitude on LGBT family -- and
Blanche reflects how a lot of Americans felt.
In that first episode, coming out to straight people is a painful but necessary process
-- something Clayton needs to do to end decades of lies.
When he does, Blanche at first refuses to believe that someone she thought she knew
could be gay.
It's only when she sees how alike they are, and that he's still a part of the family,
that she warms to him.
That's exactly where American public opinion was when the episode aired.
Afraid that gay people were a threat, reluctant to accept them.
That first episode reminds viewers that gay people are everywhere, and that when they
come out to you, they're still the same person.
Then in the second episode, Blanche once again stands in for American public opinion -- this
time on marriage.
What used to be a joke is now real, and she cannot for the life of her understand why
two gay men would want to get married.
Similarly, in 1990, only around 25% of Americans supported the freedom to marry.
There was a lot of work that had to be done to change those minds.
Americans -- and Blanche -- weren't supportive of marriage equality yet.
But they were open to change.
And the two things that made that change happen were getting to know LGBT people and seeing
them in relationships.
Like, for example, on these two episodes.
These episodes don't just reflect a change that was happening in America.
They show how that change can happen.
They gave viewers a roadmap to acceptance, and helped push Americans to experience the
same growth as Blanche.
Here we have a household of little old ladies, the sweetest and most old-fashioned people
you could imagine, helping a man come out, then welcoming him and his husband, and promising
to work on acceptance in the future.
If these girls can do it, so can America.
Well we're pulling into port!
Thanks for joining me, and thanks to everyone who makes the Culture Cruise possible with
your pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon -- folks like Gary Cannon.
You can visit Patreon.com/mattbaume or click the link in the description to help make the
show possible.
Let me know in the YouTube comments what culture you'd like to visit on future episodes.
Or tweet at me @mattbaume -- I read all the comments and I love hearing your thoughts.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to practice bending over backwards.