♪♫You suck at cooking and you suck at life♪♫
Take a can of tuna.
Use magic to open it.
*click*
Don't worry... about...
...what's on my arm.
I just... got a girl's number last night.
I... uhh... better scratch it off.
Tuna goes in the bowl.
Fork goes in the tuna.
Bowl goes on the table.
Green onions.
Let's say 3 of them.
Chop... the end's off.
And then...
...just chop them up real good.
...another thing you can do...
...is if you put the knife down...
...you can sort of like...
*autochopping sounds*
And you can sort of like arrange these in a pattern...
And then...
You can put it on autochop once again.
*even more autochopping*
k.
I don't use autochop a lot...
...cause it takes more energy than actually just chopping.
It looks easier...
...but it's not very efficient.
So...
...take this.
Surprise! Put this shit in the bowl.
Here's a real surprise...
Cranberries!
Uhuh.
The cool thing about cranberries...
...and a knife like this...
...if you chop at a certain angle...
*bass sound*
Gives it like a bass sound.
Like...
♪♫Got my knife out...♪♫
♪♫...on the cutting board.♪♫
♪♫Making something so delicious♪♫
♪♫you could be assured♪♫
♪♫Got my green onions chopped which I add to the tuna...♪♫
♪♫...and now I'm choppping the berries, yeah, so you'd assume-ah.♪♫
♪♫Then I'll add a little pepper and some salt to make it better.♪♫
♪♫Then I'll mix it with a fork as if it's going through a shredder.♪♫
♪♫Don't...♪♫
♪♫...chop...♪♫
♪♫...too hard...♪♫
♪♫...or your knife will lose...♪♫
♪♫...it's...♪♫
♪♫edge.♪♫
Anyway, that's...
just...
...waste of time now, so... you know.
Hey, guess what?
Surprise! This shit goes in the bowl too.
It's important not to forget...
...to take a piece of the tuna, and give it to your cat.
*magical chiming*
All right, we're almost there guys!
You take some balsamic vinegar.
Pour in a little bit.
And take some olive oil.
This is special olive oil from italy...
...you don't need it.
Just get some shitty olive oil.
Salt.
Pepper.
*pepper-pepper-pepper*
Mix it up.
*automixing ON*
*automixing OFF*
Okay, so...
...seems like it's done.
Take a bite...
Try it.
Put it on some fucking bread...
...put it in your fucking mouth...
...put it on a salad...
...put it wherever you want...
Just eat it. It's good.
It's really good like that.
♪♫You suck at cooking oh my god♪♫
♪♫you suck♪♫
♫♪you suck♫♪
♪♫oh my god♪♫
♪♫you suck♪♫