have you ever had the experience where you know you should do something like go to work on time or
get ready for an important meeting or just brush your teeth before bed but you just couldn't do it
I'm Anna Runkle also known as the crappy childhood fairy and you know everybody procrastinate
sometimes but for people who experienced abuse and neglect and childhood procrastinating can
morph into a paralysis of sorts I've had this happen I've spent whole seasons in this place
before and I'll tell you it is so demoralizing when it's happening to know that you're here in
this world to do something good but something in you is not letting you do it so what is that and
how can we change in this video which is part of my series on resilience for people with childhood
PTSD I want to talk about one of the strengths that helps us overcome the big obstacles that
can hold us back and in this video the obstacle we're looking at is paralysis we literally find
ourselves unable to take positive action on our own behalf both in little day-to-day things and
in big matters affecting our whole life path so what's going on when we can't act honestly I think
that doing things commuting ourselves spending energy creating something out of nothing it's
hard I love sharing videos with you but the week before I shoot them each month I'm dying
of avoidance because making these videos takes days of preparation probably about 6 to 8 hours
of focused creative work for each video and when it's time to plan the content oh my gosh
I suddenly just get so interested in balancing my checkbook and cleaning my sandals and buying some
new hair clips online and it makes no sense because releasing these videos is the great
joy of my life but doing the work that leads up to that moment is hard for people with childhood PTSD
especially when there's a lot of unhealed stuff you're in a state of stress pretty much all the
time everything is hard and people who don't have childhood PTSD have no idea how much work it is
for some of us just to do ordinary things it's exhausting and it's stressful people are hard
sticking to a schedule is hard expressing yourself is hard making money is hard but you know what's
harder not doing these things and that's why I don't recommend you make a big accommodation for
yourself and tell yourself that the solution is to just avoid everything that's stressful for you
because in the end the path of least resistance is to do these things anyway that's how they get
easier and that's how you get happier okay if you have childhood PTSD maybe it doesn't make
sense to just run out there and go for it and force yourself to do everything at once maybe
it's just a little at a time but I'll tell you what the solution is not the solution is not to
give up on yourself don't identify with the trauma and mistake paralysis for self-care your strength
lies in action action taken in right proportion to your capacity don't wait until it feels right for
you to start brushing your teeth just take that one step and do it even when you're tired just
for practice just to stretch yourself and then the next day I don't know clean the kitchen you know
the good actions that you need to be taking next you may have to push yourself not like
a maniac but you might have to push yourself some every day you know that saying you hear sometimes
about not being a human doing but being a human being well it's a good sentiment but doing and
being are both really important and doing is how we earn a living and it's how we express ourselves
how are you going to become fully yourself if you don't do things the more I heal the more there's
things I want to do like creating crappy childhood fairy was on my mind for 20 years before I had the
inner power to do it and I'm so glad I did it's it's a lot of work on nights and weekends and
I'll tell you part of me would really rather be watching Netflix really I love this era of great
television and streaming shows and it bums me out that I can't watch more of it but I'd be even
more unhappy if I knew that I could be the crappy childhood fairy but I didn't make the effort and
that is what it feels like to have life pass you by so I take action and I encourage you to take
action too like all the strengths in my resilience series action is something that you can begin
immediately and do a little every day big bursts of action they're nice but even better are small
consistent actions they get you there too but they give you just a little breather between actions
so that you can equilibrate you can balance yourself out and handle the stress that life
gives you every time you put yourself out there with action small actions taken consistently are
like super vitamins for childhood PTSD if you were constrained from letting your light shine
in your life your spirit is going to love this you're getting somewhere an accomplishment feels
really good when we keep taking small actions every day adventure follows you may or may not
reach the goal you may not even want the goal in the end but the act of taking small steps towards
it will increase your feeling of being alive and open up your life to all kinds of unexpected
connections and possibilities you're in the game you're open for business your strength is action