Being the only vegan at work, amongst your friends, or at social gatherings can certainly
be a challenge. But nothing seems to be quite as difficult as being the only vegan in your
family, or with a non-vegan significant other. How do you navigate these relationships and
interpersonal interactions? Well I sat down and spoke with vegan author, speaker, and
joyful vegan Colleen Patrick-Goudreau about this very subject.
Hi it’s Emily from Bite Size Vegan and welcome to another vegan nugget. Being the lone vegan
is something I’m personally very familiar with. Growing up I was the only vegan in a
family of meat-eaters and continue to be the only vegan, or even vegetarian, in my family
to this day. I’ve never really had vegan friends in “real life,” though some of
my friends went vegan after years of knowing me. I’ve never lived in very vegan-friendly
areas, spending almost a decade in Iowa, the heart of my country’s industrial agriculture
and pig slaughtering. It’s my belief that I can create more change in the thick of the
problem. Fighting from ground zero, so to speak.
But one of the greatest challenges for new vegans, and even long-term vegans, is how
to navigate our personal relationships with our non-vegan family and significant others. Maybe you’re
a teen or pre-teen, still living at home with non-vegan parents. Or maybe you’re a vegan
parent raising meat-eating kids. These relationships can be difficult, to say the least, so when
I spoke with Colleen Patrick-Goudreau recently, I asked for her unique insight into this issue.
I hope you enjoy.
Could you talk a little bit about, perhaps children or young adults who are wanting
to go vegan, and their parents are non-vegans. And also, the reverse aspect of that, vegan
parents who might have children who choose to not stay on the vegan path.
Yeah, and in that chapter I also talk about romantic partners and same things.
So one, the husband, or the wife, or whoever, they might be vegan and the other one is not,
and so how to navigate all of that.
It’s a little different for the different situations because on one hand, if you’re
parents and you’re making the decisions about your household, you know, I really do
believe that you’re making decisions about your household.
And you’re making the decisions for your children. You already are whether you’re
vegan or not; you’re a parent. And so, a lot of parents have this guilt around, what,
feeding helpful food to their children? Food that would reflect the values they’re actually
teaching their children? And yet there’s guilt around it, like, oh I know, but I know..I don't know...
...if they’re going to like it, I don’t want to push it on them. Well, you pushed on what
was part of the status quo for you before and so, that’s what being a parent is.
So, just realizing that we’re the ones who are the authority figures and if we feel strongly
about feeding our children this way then that’s totally...........your rights to do that.
Doing it as part of the family, not saying being a dictator or an authoritarian figure but, there’s that.
Then if the kids.....on the flip side, the kids come home and they want to be vegan, and the parents
are like, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to cook for you. Okay, depending
on how old that child is, it could be a young adult, it could be a kid who is already helping
in the kitchen, you do have to take a little bit of responsibility. Especially if you’re
a teenage, you’re older, you can cook, you could shop, you can show them that you’re
getting the nutrients; make it easier for them.
Say, you’re already making me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I love peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches, I can still have that for lunch. Or, I love when you make me the
pasta, but let’s try this vegan meat instead of an animal based meat that you’re using.
So, make it easy for them. If you’re the parent trust them too and be open because
your whole family will benefit.
If it’s the situation where a partner is vegan and the other one is not, that one can
get really tricky for people. And I know that we all feel that, we tend to think in black
and white, and well, you know, we think in black and white. Again, we have to remember
that these are people we love and these are people we married for a reason or we lived
with for a reason, etc.
One of the things I talk about in terms of the practical aspects of that Emily is that
you can make comprises. If the non-vegan partner just doesn’t want it to be a vegan home,
maybe they’re willing to have a separate refrigerator that they can keep their dairy
based cheese and their animal based meat in. And maybe they can agree to not cook the meat, you know
in the house. Maybe they’ll barbecue, maybe they just won’t have any animal based meat.
I know a lot of mix couples who, they’re are willing to have a vegetarian house so
they might have cheese but they won’t have animal based meat that just makes everything
smell so awful.
And maybe they’ll have their separate refrigerators, so there’s those kind of compromises we
have to make with people we love and live with. And I think that shows that we’re
willing to, you know, to compromise because that’s what relationships are all about.
So, I think those kinds of things can really help in those situations.
I hope you enjoyed hearing from Colleen on this matter. I do plan on creating a series
of videos addressing the issue of raising vegan children, as well as videos speaking
more to the interpersonal relationships within mixes families. I might even get my own mother
to get on camera.
Now you may deal with your relationships differently than Colleen- we all have to find our own way
in navigating this- you can check out my video with Gary Yourofsky on how to deal with non-vegan
friends and family for a different perspective as well. Feel it out, see what seems right
to you- there’s no perfect answer, but I think keeping the lines of communication open
at all times is essential.
And if you’re in a situation where your family or significant other refuses to respect
your choice to live a compassionate lifestyle, especially if they are aggressive or demeaning,
I’d personally advocate removing yourself from that situation if at all possible. Choosing
to live a life free of harming others is something to respect and admire, not admonish and condemn.
When you go vegan, you are no longer impeding the lives of others with your dietary choices,
and that is an incredible decision, one that impacts far more lives than your own. So whatever
your family circumstances, I hope that you can find comfort in knowing that when you
go vegan, you are making a difference where it really matters.
Because the animals of this world deserve to have their families as well. And meat,
dairy, eggs and honey, rob them of that right.
And hey, if all else fails, you can be part of the Bite Size Vegan family. We do have
a pretty good group of people on here.
Now, I’d love to hear from you on this complex topic. What has your experience been with
your family. Do you come from a mixed home or relationship? Have you had challenges?
Perhaps you are the non-vegan in your household. How has your loved ones’ choice to go vegan
affected you? Let me know in the comments.
Give the video a thumbs up if you found it helpful and please share it around to help others
in mixed homes. If you find the Bite Size Vegan videos helpful, please consider
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awesome vegan content every Monday, Wednesday and most Fridays. I’d love to have you as a member of
the Bite Size family- we are a mixed family, but a pretty freakin’ awesome one.
Now go live vegan, and I’ll see you soon.
I just wanted to officially retract my former statement that I’m the only vegan in my family.
It’s been brought to my attention that this is not true. I deeply regret…what I said.
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