NOW I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, IAN, REGGIE, BUT I MAKE A POINT NOT
TO READ ANY COMMENTS ABOUT MYSELF OR ABOUT THE SHOW ON
SOCIAL MEDIA.
IT IS JUST A LITTLE THING THAT I CALL SELF-CARE, OKAY.
BUT AFTER THE PAST FEW MONTHS THERE HAS BEEN A TREND ONLINE
THAT I HAVE FRANKLY BEEN UNABLE TO IGNORE.
AS YOU CAN SEE, HERE I HAVE HAD THOUSANDS OF COMMENTS ON
TWITTER, INSTAGRAM, YOUTUBE, INSISTING THAT I KIDNAP ONE
DIRECTION.
IT'S ALL MY FEED.
IS YOU KNOW THAT THEY HAVE APPEARED WILLINGLY ON THE SHOW
BEFORE, RIGHT.
AND I'M NOT GOING TO BRAG, I DO HAVE THEIR PHONE NUMBERS, OKAY.
SO MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT, IT IS WAY EASIER TO DETERMINE THEIR
RESPECTIVE LOCATIONS, LEAVE MY FAMILY, FLY TO DIFFERENT
COUNTRIES ALL OVER ITS WORLD DURING A PANDEMIC, KIDNAP THEM,
AND FORCE THEM TO SING NIGHT CHANGES IN MY CAR.
AND WE ALREADY KNOW THAT ONE DIRECTION HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY
ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO KIDNAPPING.
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN EVERYBODY WANNA STEAL THEIR GIRL, EVERYBODY WANT TO
TAKE HER HEART AWAY.
WHY WOULD WE WANT TO ADD TO THAT.
I LOOK INTO IT, AND ON AVERAGE THE SHOW HAS BEEN GETTING OVER
300 YOUTUBE COMMENTS PER WEEK ABOUT ME KIDNAPPING ONE
DIRECTION.
AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THIS, THE MORE PEOPLE ASK ME TO KIDNAP THE
BOYS, THE LESS LIKELY I AM TO DO IT.
YOU ARE KILLING ANY ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
AND SURPRISE IS A MAJOR FACTOR WHEN KIDNAPPING SOMEONE.
(LAUGHTER) IN THE HISTORY OF KIDNAPPING, I
DON'T THINK ANY OF THEM HAVE ORIGINATED FROM A FAN ACCOUNT
RELENTLESSLY SUGGESTING THAT A CRIME TAKE PLACE.
OKAY?
AND IT IS A CRIME.
AND I DON'T WANT TO SEEM INSINCERE.
I DON'T WE HAVE SOME OF THE MOST DEDICATED VIEWERS AND I AM SO
THANKFUL FOR THAT.
WHAT I AM NOT THANKFUL FOR IS THIS PERSON EVERY DAY FOR A
STRAIGHT WEEK ASKING FOR JAMES CORDON, SPELLED INCORRECTLY, TO
KIDNAP ONE DIRECTION AND PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER.
PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER.
THIS IS A BOY BAND, NOT HUMPY DUMPY.
THEY POSTED THIS SAME MESSAGE EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK, EVEN EMAIL
SPAMMERS FROM NIGERIA SAW THOSE POST AND SAID GIVE IT A REST,
THIS IS OVERKILL.
AND I KNOW MANY OF YOU HAVE ASKED NICELY LIKE KAYLIE A WHO
SIMPLY WROTE DON'T BE SHY, KIDNAP ONE DIRECTION.
AND CAYLY, IT IS NOT SHYNESS.
I AM NOT SHY.
I AM JUST AMAZING AT LOOKING LIKE I MIGHT HAVE A CHEEKY
LITTLE SECRET.
(LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW WHO ELSE ISN'T SHY.
ISSA FRANCISCO WHO HAD THE NERVE TO POST THIS COMMENT, JAMES,
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, KIDNAP THE 1D BOYS AND FORCE
THEM TO REUNIT AGAIN.
YOU WOULD SAVE 2020.
YES, OKAY, I AM THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD.
THAT'S WHY I AM ON CBS RIGHT NOW AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING.
(LAUGHTER) WHICH IS WHERE ALL OF THE MOST
POWERFUL MEN IN THE WORLD GATHER.
STAY TUNED FOR JEFF BEZOS SHOW RIGHT AFTER THIS, OKAY.
NOW I HEAR YOU, LOOK, I WOULD LOVE TO SAVE 2020.
I WOULD.
BUT IN ALL HONESTY THE BEST I CAN DO IS PROBABLY GET THEM TO
RE-RELEASE THEIR TOOTHPASTE LINE, OKAY.
I'M SORRY.
AND SOME PEOPLE HAVEN'T EVEN STOPPED AT ME, ONE PERSON WENT
AS FAR AS TO ASK PRESIDENT TRUMP TO MAKE ME ONE DIRECTIONS
MANAGER.
IN REPLYING TO TRUMP COMPLAIN BEING TWITTER TRENDING
TOING@QUETZAIL WROTE THIS WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU, WE ARE
TALKING ABOUT ONE DIRECTION.
ALSO I WILL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU MAKE THEM COME BACK AND MAKE
JAMES CORDEN THEIR MANAGER.
I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT I DON'T THINK TRUMP IS VERY GOD AT
BRINGING ANYBODY TOGETHER, OKAY.
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, HONESTLY, NOTHING WOULD GIVEME MORE
PLEASURE THAN TO SEE ONE DIRECTION REUNIT.
I THINK ABOUT IT AS MUCH AS YOU DO.
I LOVE THOSE BOYS WITH ALL OF MY HEART.
BUT HONESTLY, I SIMPLY CAN NOT COMMIT A CRIME, OKAY.
AND I AM HONORED THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE THE PERSON TO BRING
THEM BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, YOU AND ME, WE GOT A
WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY BUT UNTIL THAT SWEET, SWEET DAY, WHEN WE
CAN ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ENJOYING
THE INCREDIBLE MEMORIES WE'VE ALREADY MADE.
WHICH HI, I'M HARRY.
>> I'M NICE.
>> I'M GLAIM.
>> I'M LIAM I'M LOUIE.
>> AND WE'RE ONE DIRECTION, WE'LL BE WATCHING THE "LATE,
LATE SHOW" FEATURING JAMES CORDEN.
>> ONE DIRECTION.
>> HARRY, LIAM, LOUIS AND NICE, ONE DIRECTION.
>> I NEED SOMEONE TO BE MY CAT.
>> COME AND AND BE PIE.
>> SO THE CAT DOESN'T.
>> SEATBELTS ON, IF ANYONE NEEDS A WEE.
>> I NEED A WEE.
>> HOLD IT.
>> WAKING UP.
♪ WITHOUT YOU.
♪ I CAN'T CONTAIN IT ANY MORE.
♪ ♪ WANT TO GET SOME FOOD.
>> WHAT WOULD WE LIKE TO EAT, BOYS.
>> 10 PIECE NUGGET.
>> I WILL HAVE A BIG Mac.
>> AND AN ICED TEA.
>> CAN I HAVE AW SAUSAGE McMUFFIN WITH EGGS WITH TWO
HASH BROWNS AND A CHOCOLATE MILK PLEASE.
>> WHAT AM I.
>> WE ARE GOING TO PLAY TATTOO ROULETTE WHERE ONE OF US TONIGHT
IS GOING TO LEAVE WITH A TATTOO.
I MEAN-- SAUSAGE.
>> McMUFFIN.
NUGGETS.
>> CAN I GIVE THAT YOU BACK.
>> THANK YOU.
>> NO WORRIES, SON, I MEAN LIAM.
>> WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY DODGEBALL, WELL, THEY ARE GOING
TO KNOW HOW TO PLAY DODGEBALL WHEN WE ARE SMASHING OUR BALLS
IN THEIR FACES.
STAY WITH ME, COME ON.
>> JAMES DEFINITELY HAS AN UNORTHODOX WAY OF COACHING.
>> FROM THIS MINUTE ON THE-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NILE.
>> REVEAL THE TATTOO NOW, HERE IT IS.
OH MY GOODNESS.
>> RIGHT TO THE SHOWER.