-♪ Hashtags ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ Hashtags ♪ -Now I thought I'd share
some of my favorite UnhappyCamper tweets
from you guys. Here we go.
This first tweet is from @BatesEricka.
She says, "My family was singing 'Kumbaya' together
when the park ranger came and asked
if we could keep it down or pick a new song."
[ Laughter and applause ]
It's what you do when you're camping.
-Come on! -Come on, dude.
-Come on! -"Sorry, everybody,
but do you know 'Fancy'?" All I got.
[ Laughter ]
This one is from @brockstar35. -Yeah.
He says, "My friend thought it'd be funny to wake us up
by shooting a shotgun right by our tent
and yelling like someone shot him."
[ Laughter ]
-That's not funny. -It is funny a little bit,
but -- -No!
[ Laughter ]
-What's wrong with people? That's insane.
This one's from @KaraMarie6791.
She says, "I thought I packed a tent,
but instead I accidentally packed a pop-up soccer goal."
[ Laughter ] Aw, no. Useless.
Useless on a camping trip. -No, not good. Not good at all.
-It might even trap animals. I don't know what it would do.
This one's from @MarcMacWebb.
He says, "Pulled off the road
late one night to set up camp.
Thought we found a really nice spot
but woke up on a golf course."
[ Laughter ] "This is perfect, man!
Let's just unpack right here!"
"Fore!" -[ Imitates golf ball flying ]
-This one's from @Juliaaa888.
She says, "At the sleepaway camp I went to,
we weren't allowed to say the word 'hate.'
Instead we had to say 'un-camperific.'"
[ Laughter ] -Ew.
-Much harder to say. -I'd un-camperific that.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
This one's from @dannyp58.
He says, "Every night we threw dead fish in the girls' cabin.
They thought the fish were jumping in the cabin
out of the lake."
[ Laughter ]
-Wait. -I don't think so.
I think you thought they thought that.
-Yeah, you thought they thought that.
I don't think they ever thought that.
-"These fish are jumping out of the lake
and opening the window and jumping in."
-Oh, my God! How far away? The lake's 2 miles away!
-"Every night, it's happening. I can't believe it!"
[ Laughter ]
"I'm gonna buy more gems."
-♪ Boop boop boop boop doo-doo boop ♪
-Last one here is from @preschlteacher.
She says, "I took an air mattress
on a camping trip but forgot the pump,
so I slept on the ground all weekend.
Got home to realize the pump was built into the mattress."
[ Laughter ] There you go. There you have it.
Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
OneTimeInClass tweets from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one is from @ianwilkie.
He says, "I grew a rat-tail over the summer.
In school, the girl sitting behind me
cut it off on the first day
and said, "I'm not staring at that all year."
-Justice never sleeps.
[ Laughter and applause ]
This one's from @Tweets4J.
She says, "A student fell asleep in class,
so the teacher changed the clock to 3:00 p.m.,
shut the lights off, and had the class wait outside."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That's a cool teacher. I like that.
-Come on, that's a cool teacher. Tweet!
-This one's from @dorseyreinke.
She says, "I was turned around talking to the guy behind me
when the rubber band on my braces snapped
and landed in his mouth."
[ Audience groans ]
"Ew!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Uh..." -Boing!
Bing! [ Laughter ]
-Doy! Toots! [ Laughter ]
This one's from @RachelAlbert. She says,
"I grabbed a sweatshirt from the dryer and put it on.
When I got to school,
I pulled out a pair of my dad's underwear
from the pocket." [ Laughter and applause ]
[ Chuckles ] -Oh, my God!
♪ Yadda-dadda yadda-dadda ♪
♪ Dadda-da tweep ♪
[ Laughter ]
Last one's from @IAmAlexGallo.
I wonder who tweeted that.
-Who was it? Who tweeted it?
-I -- I don't know. [ Laughter ]
This one's from @IAmAlexGallo. [ Laughter ]
She says, "A girl was supposed to introduce me to the class.
She said, 'This is Alex, and she's a virgin.'
I was a vegan." -Whoa!
-A vegan! [ Laughter and applause ]
There you have the "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.
We'll be right back with Kaley Cuoco!
Tweeting, everybody!
♪♪
-♪ Hashtags ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Tonight I thought I'd share some of my favorite
MyKidIsWeird tweets from you guys.
Here we go.
This first tweet is from @JarenMcCormick.
She says, "My kid told me that my butt
looked like a bag full of chicken nuggets."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Is that weird? -Yeah, it's weird.
-It was more of a truth-teller. -No, it's weird.
This one is from @mollyligonn.
She says, "My nephew once sneezed out a Sour Patch Kid.
I still have no idea where it came from."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"We didn't have Sour -- Where'd you..."
-"He hasn't eaten one of those in 10 years."
-"I found it on the sidewalk." [ Laughter ]
This one's from @facelessukulele.
-Oh, wow. [ Laughter ]
Love face. -That name is taken on Twitter.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
She says, "One of the kids in my class
came out of the bathroom and quietly said to himself,
'Well, that hurt.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Huh?"
[ Laughter ]
This one's from @timdrake.
He says, "My friend's kid will just stare at him
and meow when he's hungry,
since that's what the cat does to get food."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Meow!
[ Laughter and applause ]
This one's from @jodyandmatt.
She says, "My son told his class that my job is
that I 'stand at a hotel and guys come to see me.'
I work at the front desk."
[ Laughter and applause ] What?
"Guys come to..." [ Laughing ]
"I stand at a hotel, and guys come to see me."
-Never stays the night.
He's only there for a few hours a day.
And then she gets paid.
-Uh... [ Laughter ]
This one's from @BaristaSimmer.
She says, "When I caught my daughter picking her nose,
she said, 'I'm putting it back in.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-It's a Sour Patch Kid. -It's a Sour Patch Kid.
This one's from @jehedgesphoto.
She says, "My 9-year-old daughter asked,
'Mommy, when I grow up,
will my boobs be as long as yours?'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Go to bed." [ Laughter ]
This one's from @TMCully.
She says, "Found this --" this is a picture --
"Found this on the dining room wall.
Asked our 4-year-old son what it meant.
He said, 'You can't know.'"
It says "horse hair."
[ Laughter ]
That's weird. [ Laughter ]
"What does that mean?" "You can't know."
[ Laughter ] -"You must never find out."
[ Laughter ]
-"Horse hair."
Last one's from @Jenboston. This is a photo.
She says, "My 3-year-old asked
to have her picture taken with store mannequins."
Here's the photo. [ Laughter ]
That's cute, that's cute!
There we go.
Those are "Tonight Show's" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.