I'm going to tell you in this video.
Is it even possible? Is it even possible?!
It is possible! And I'm going to show you how.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney and also a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel, and in these videos,
I teach you, and
I've helped millions of people go from lives of drama trauma and chaos,
to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose,
because I am motivated and passionate about
helping people take their lives back against narcissists.
If that is something that you want to do,
make sure you hit that subscribe button and
hit that notification bell.
Okay, so how do you keep your cool against narcissists?
You know why it's so hard?!
It is so hard because they want you to lose your cool,
it is their mission, it is their life's purpose.
You know how I just said it's my life's purpose to get your life back?
It's their life purpose to have you lose your cool,
You know why? Because they get narcissistic supply from it,
it's their food, it's their lifeblood, it's their oxygen,
it's what they feed off of, they need that supply,
that's what they live for, they love it.
They love it, okay?
They need that supply and
so when you lose your cool, they feed off of that.
Not only do they feed off of it, by the way,
but when you lose your cool, they get that supply.
But they also want to be able to use it against you,
they use your reaction, your emails, your tax and all those sorts of things,
as proof of “Look how crazy they are, look at that”,
or they take pictures, and they take videos,
or they show people, “Look at the crazy person” and
they use it in court, they use it in mediations,
they use it in a case or they tell people,
they show the neighbors, or they show the family,
“Look at the crazy person”,
they only show that half of it.
There are so many reasons why you need
to keep your cool against narcissists,
not just for the other reason of,
Why give them the satisfaction?
Why give them the supply that they want?
Don't give it to them.
And the funny thing is, that I knew this,
I knew this even before I knew all this about about narcissists,
when I was dealing with narcissists my own life,
somehow, I knew not to feed into it,
but I just knew not to try to do this,
but I didn't know why, but I knew.
So, I use the acronym “Cool Words” and I like it,
because it's easy to remember and
I want you to use it too.
The first word is Cool, the second word is Words.
So, just chill out, take a break, go away from it.
that means throw water in your face,
walk away, take a break from the person, take a breath.
That means I need to get away from this person,
get up, say, “I need a break from this person”.
That's the last thing they want you to do, by the way,
they don't want you to take a break from them.
That's when they come running after you.
Don't let them do it.
Just say, “I need to take a break, I'll be back in a little bit”,
that's the first thing, C.
Without emotion, without judgment,
I can see that you're upset, I can see that you're angry,
What is it that's making you angry right now?
Get them to verbalize it,
just take yourself out of it, like,
as if you're a third person, just observing.
You're not in it, you're just observing.
So, that's O, observing.
So, you are observing it to them,
without emotion, without judgment.
So, the first O is you are verbally observing it to them.
“I can see that you're upset”,
“I can see that you are angry”,
The second O, is you are observing as a bystander.
You don't feel like you need to get into it,
it’s just like dodgeball, like, the ball is just going past you and
it hits the wall.
You don't need to say anything,
you don't need to do anything,
you don't need to take it personally and
Judge Lynn Toler talked about this in my video,
which was a really great interview that I did with her and
you can definitely check that out,
it's on this channel and
it was all about divorcing a narcissist in court and
you definitely want to check out that interview.
You're just letting them, you’re just stepping aside,
just letting the words go by you,
so again, you're just observing,
you're just observing their words, their behavior,
you're observing them to them,
you're just letting this all happen,
observing, letting it go by, you’re a third person,
you're taking yourself out of this situation, okay?
So that is the word “Cool”.
This is a secret I actually used to use myself
when I was a trial lawyer,
I would actually write down certain words,
or I keep certain words in my head.
These are power words that become your mantra,
these are power words that help you remember
how you're going to be powerful.
So, what is your word of the day?
Is it power? Is it strength?
Is it leverage? Is it resilience? Is it confidence?
What is your word of the day?
What is the word that's going to keep you grounded for today?
Is it control?
In the book, “Think and Grow Rich”,
Napoleon Hill talks about the power of autosuggestion
as a way of reprogramming your brain, or your neuronal patterns,
Joe Dispenza talks about it,
a lot of people have talked about this power and
you can actually do this.
So, if you know you are going to be triggered by this person,
you're going to meet with them,
maybe it's a mediation,
or you know you're going to have this particular conversation,
maybe there's an agenda and
you're worried you're going to be triggered by them and
you're really worried you're going to keep your cool,
have this particular word,
maybe it's a symbol that you have on your paper,
maybe it's a star, or maybe like a moon or something,
something that's just means nothing to anybody else but you,
but you know when you look at it,
it's just going to remind you of that word that is going to say,
you're going to say to yourself,
power, strength, courage, resilience, confidence,
whatever you need to be reminded,
“Oh, that's right, my badass self has shown up over here”,
that's who's sitting here,
the elite version of myself is sitting over here,
no one else, no weak ass version of myself,
I left that person outside the door,
that person isn't welcome here,
that person is not sitting in the room.
No one else but the powerful version of myself is sitting in this room right now,
that no one is invited to sit here in this room today,
no one else, but the whole complete version of myself
is sitting in this room today, period.
You stay in that mindset no matter what,
so that you know you can get through it.
If you need to set a time limit,
when you're having that conversation with that person,
then, set a time limit,
like, I'm only going to be in here for an hour and
that's it, and then I'm done.
So remember cool words when you show up,
when those emotions get red hot,
when you're having that conversation,
so that you can just look at that person,
you're going to say,
“I'm not going to be triggered by this person.
No matter what you say, I'm not giving you control.
I'm not giving you control over me,
I'm not giving you control over my emotions,
I'm not allowing you to trigger me”.
Because, I know if you do,
that you are going to have something you can use against me.
Remember that that's what narcissist want to be able to do,
they want to be able to control you,
they want to be able to trigger you.
Because you will not give them that power,
you're not giving them that satisfaction,
you're not giving them that opportunity to take that from you.
I mean, anytime you say,
he makes me feel or she makes me feel,
you're giving them that power,
don't give them that power,
don't give them the opportunity to allow that,
you have the power to be in control of your emotions, only you.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment.
Say “I keep my cool”,
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If you are in a situation with a narcissist and
you do want to get started in a powerful way,
grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com and
make sure that you join my free private Facebook group,
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Remember that today is a great day to slay and
that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video!