Boy, oh boy, does Shane have something to share with all of you
This might be his biggest news of his life, it seems
What is it, Shane? Go for it
I wish I was a little bit taller
Wish I was a baller
H: Oh?
And wishes do come true
H: Oh my goodness (laughs)
You are now looking at a five foot one human being
(Hannah laughs)
My whole life... well, my whole adult life
Since you were twelve?
Twelve, I have lived with the irrefutable knowledge that I am 4 feet seven inches tall
A doctor, when I was twelve, measured me with a tape measure (Hannah laughs)
Going from my head to my hip
And then since I can't straighten my legs all the way
From my hip up to my knee, and then back down to my ankle
To your heel
Four foot seven inches
Yeah, it's on your driver's license, or your ID
Today, we had to measure me for something that we're working on
That we can't talk about yet, sorry
But we had to measure me, and Hannah began measuring
S: And she said, "Huh, that doesn't seem right" H: "Doesn't add up"
"Let me remeasure.... no, even more"
Then I measured the other half of you, the right side
"Even taller! Shane," she said, lust filling her voice
(Hannah laughs)
"You're five foot one"
Oh my god
And my heart, did it sing
I had just grown
H: No...
Like six inches
I don't think you grew that
S: Overnight! I'm taller H: No (laughs)
And to be tall in a world of tiny people
Makes me feel pretty freakin' powerful
I don't know if I would classify you as tall
I'm still a foot shorter than my wife
(Both laugh)
You're getting there, maybe in another twenty years, you'll be five six
And I physically cannot stretch out to flex my height
H: No S: But trust me
You have the arrogance of someone that's five foot one now
Within this shrivelled, curled up frame, there lives a five foot one tall man
(Hannah laughs)
S: And he is now free H: Wow, great
(intro song) Hello, hello, welcome to the show, welcome to the show
Welcome to the show, it's time to talk about our lives (Chloe bark)
H: It has been a long time since we played this game
And we crushed our computer opponent
S: (singing) Victory, victory, though not...
H: What? S: I'm gonna do it again
S: (singing) Victory, victory, do not worry that we were playing on easy
H: Yeah, well it's actually normal and there's hard and extra hard
Did you hear how well written my song was?
"Victory, victory, don't worry that we were playing on easy?"
Victory and easy don't really rhyme
Victory, victory, do not worry, that we... worry, playing
(Hannah laughs)
I mean, I carried the team
Actually, I did, I got the most bonus points
And I got five of the stars
And a lot of the mini games you had to do on your own, because I couldn't
Only one of them, only one
The motion based games are harder
Motion based games are ableist
H: Okay (both laugh)
What we're about to show you might distress certain viewers
And I understand that, this isn't for all audiences
We, after much discussion, decided to turn our dog Chloe
Into a chair
H: (Hannah laughs) What is wrong with you? S: I'll show you, I'll show you
H: Okay, well it doesn't help that she's lying right by the chair
S: It helps so much H: Does it?
We got that chair for a video and then ended up not using it
So we're returning it
Yeah, and you think it looks a lot like Chloe?
I just saw her laying there and I was like oh, that looks like it's made of Chloe
Does it, though? She's like a dirty color, that chair is white
Hello, my precious
I got a knife for my birthday
And I'm very excited about it
We had to read a whole online FAQ and instructional guide
Before I was allowed to touch the knife
So now Shane knows that I know how to use it and we're gonna begin
I'm pretending that it's for cooking, it's more for self defense
Should Hannah ever decide that my care has become too much for her
(laughs) Oh wow, are you gonna wield that?
(laughs) I could not hold that knife even if I tried, that knife would topple me over
I'm so excited, it's supposed to be one of the best knifes--
One of the best knives
Well, I will say that the instructional guide called it the Ferrari of knives
But it's their own knife so I don't know if I believe them yet
Shout out to Kenji Lopez-Alt for suggesting this
Your work is an inspiration
(Hannah laughs) And here Shane goes
I'm about to use it to cut a tomato for grilled cheese
Not the fanciest of use cases but it'll get the job done
I bet it will, so do most other knives
(Hannah laughs)
Give me the knife
(Hannah laughs) Sorry
Wow, we look like really good Youtubers, when we...I guess it's gonna be up there
We got a good angle here, yeah
Sorry everyone
Alright, I'm gonna do background noise for effect
Oh, wow, the ebony handle, I need to take off the...
(Shane sings) Ahhhh
I'll do the background noise
(Shane singing high and low)
I'm scared of this knife
S: Should we rinse it? H: No
S: No? I feel like the right answer is yes
H: Should we? Okay, I didn't want to touch it, I'm scared of it
(Shane singing high and low)
Okay, the knife is clean and has been washed
I'm supposed to grip the knife
S: Yep, by the knife, yep H: Look at that, professional
S: Oh, mama H: Oh, wow
S: Like butter, like butter H: Wow
S: Good
I'm gonna try to get it real thin for your grilled cheese
Woah, thin
That might be too thin
No, that's perfect
Rub it on me, rub it
(Both laugh)
Oh, it's not even, I have to get better
(Shane laughs)
Gentle, gentle, look at that
I mean, wow, that's nice
Super thin
Well, almost
(Shane laughs)
Eight pieces of paper thin
Aww, half of a slice, I never said I was good at using a knife
S: I'm sorry, Kenji H: This is my first attempt
There, that's a regular slice of tomato, you can put that on your grilled cheese
S: Nice, beautiful H: I'm dripping tomato juice everywhere
This is gonna be the best grilled cheese I ever did eat
(Hannah laughs)
S: Okay H: Look at that
I have always craved the soft delicate crunch of a tomato in my grilled cheese
Well, there's no crunch with that, but yeah
But I could never do it because I can't really chew tomatoes very well
With this knife, this is not an ad
Hannah was able to cut paper thin slices
Almost, I'll get there
Almost, and it is delicious
Yep
I just bit into that and (slurping noises)
Oh my god, so good