Hey mom. Oh hey. Mom remember how when I told you I was dating someone and the first thing
out of your mouth was, 'Well I sure hope you don't move in with him before you guys get
married.' And you remember how I was all like, 'Mom. Is it hot in here, did you just say
marriage?' And then we kind of just forgot about it? We need to talk because I'm moving
in with my boyfriend. Oh good lord.
Now mom I understand why you have reservations about me moving in with this fellow, yes this
is him in case you don't remember because you've only met him one time. Rest assured
that he does have more facial hair than just a very thick mustache. I know you are not
the only person out there who would urge me to think twice about me moving in with my
boyfriend because, well there's dad to think about. He's not going to be high-fiving me
when I ask him to bring the truck to town to take all of my stuff over to a man's house.
You and dad have plenty of data to back up that living together before you get married
is putting the cart before the horse and could possibly lead to a greater risk of divorce.
There's this whole national marriage project out of the University of Virginia that's always
saying, 'Don't live together before you get married, you are doomed for failure.' So let's
just go through three major arguments and I'm going to debunk all of them mom, so you
can rest assured that I'm not making a terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible mistake. So number
1: Therapists see a big problem with folks who live together with like every single person
they date. Oh you want to date? I'm going to go get a U-haul. I'm not doing that. This
is the first time I've ever taken this leap to move in with a man that I really love so
this is not a pathological thing that I am doing. Hooray. Number 2: The research also
says, whatever you do don't move in together just as an object of convenience. Now mom,
you've been to my apartment okay. What you see is what you get. My living space is about
to radically expand and I'm about to have my own office and bedroom and oh no he doesn't
have cable. But we're not doing it out of convenience. In a lot of ways it's not that
convenient. I hate moving but it's because I want to do this, I want to start this life
with someone. Getting my own office at home is the first step to doing that. Thumbs up,
right? I'm sure there will be some conveniences. I'll come home and I'll be like, 'Give me
a foot massage.' And he'll be like, 'No'. And I'll be like, 'I'm moving out.' And then--wait.
And thirdly, there's a little rhyme about premarital cohabitation, 'Don't slide, decide.'
I've embroidered it. We will have it on our mantle so that we will be constantly aware
of the risk that we are taking. Dear god, are we sliding or deciding? Basically the
whole sliding thing is you know what happened, I mean I'm sure it happened with you and dad,
when all of the sudden you're like, 'I love hanging out with you like all the time.' And,
'Oh, I love sleeping here.' Oh god, I don't want to think about that, I don't want to
think about you sleeping at dad's place. Some people sleep together and then you're like
sleeping over there all the time and then you're just like, 'I'm here all the time.
Why don't I move in?' And the other person's like, 'You're here all the time. You could
help out with the dishes. Why don't you move in?' And you just kind of slide into it because
it's like fun right? Dating when you're an adult does kind of turn into like a giant
slumber party sometimes and what's more fun than slumber parties? Living together and
when you have fights not being able to go anywhere except out. But we're not sliding,
we're deciding. We want to start a life together and the place and the way to do it is at his
apartment with me moving in there. The good thing is mom, so many more people are living
together before they get married these days. Over the past 50 years the percentage of couples
who live together before they get married has gone up 1500%. 1500%. Well Cristen just
because everybody does something doesn't mean you have to. I'm going against your advice,
I'm taking the statistical risk but I'm going to need your help along the way because I've
never lived with someone I've loved before and I'm sure that there are all sorts of things
that I'm going to encounter. I'm happy to know that I've got you to call up anytime,
anytime anywhere, when I'm freaking out about this huge life decision I'm making. Oh good
lord.