Hi my loves, welcome back to Lavendaire.
I’ve been quieter on social media lately,
partly because I’ve felt less of the need to post.
And partly because my life behind the scenes has been a whirlwind of change lately.
My theme for 2021 is peace,
and I feel like I’m learning more and more how to find peace within,
regardless of what happens outside of me.
Today I want to share how to find peace, even in challenging times.
The key to peace is to learn and practice detachment.
Detachment means to disassociate two things from one another.
Like yourself from something that is not yourself.
Detachment is a practice that takes time to understand and master.
It’s taken me years since ever learning about the concept.
It can make sense logically but still be hard to do.
Just like any other habit or mindset, it takes practice and repetition to ingrain.
So be patient.
First, detach your sense of self worth from... everything. Especially anything outside of your control.
Your looks, your education or career, your money, your family, your significant other, what others think of you... everything.
Your true worth is not in what you have, but in what you ARE.
You want to find your sense of self worth in something deeper, intangible... like, your soul;
the very fact that you are alive, a living, breathing human being.
Your existence is worthy enough.
You don’t need much more to prove your worth, regardless of what society wants you to believe.
As an influencer, I used to tie my sense of self worth to the numbers:
how many views my videos would get, how many followers I gained,
and if those numbers were dropping, I’d feel anxious, like I’m failing.
You kind of have this anxious need to keep posting and posting, for fear that you’ll become irrelevant and a failure once you stop.
I realized that due to the way I was raised, I had tied my sense of self worth with how successful I was.
I had to “succeed” in order to gain approval and love from my parents—at school, piano, career—
which meant that I attached success with love.
Any taste of failure threw me into a nervous wreck because it meant something really scary to me: lack of love.
The reason why I’m more at peace now is because I’ve spent years untangling my self worth from success and career,
and now I feel more detached than ever, and it’s incredibly freeing.
I can still feel worthy and loved, even if my career isn’t succeeding.
Even if I’m not posting. Even if I have nothing external to prove my success and worthiness.
Because I find that worth within me.
Secondly, detach from any expected outcome.
Release your expectations for what you think “should” happen, how your life “should” go.
If you’re tied to one scenario, you’ll be really disappointed if life doesn’t go the way you want.
Don’t hold on too much to an expected outcome that you can’t entirely control nor predict. Detach.
Instead, live in and stay grateful for the present moment, because tomorrow is not promised.
The present moment is your place of power.
It’s the only place where life is real, and you can take action, change your mind, connect with people, and make a difference in your life.
The present is a gift. Live here, love here, and expect nothing more.
Right after the new year, my most valuable member of my team, my right hand woman for the past 4 years, unexpectedly left the team.
She was the first person I ever hired for Lavendaire and became an integral part of everything behind the scenes.
The hardest part was the abrupt ending, so I have been and am still working on transitioning through that.
Although a part of me probably wished for a better or easier outcome,
this was the one that happened for me.
If I was attached to my ideal outcome, I’d be frustrated and in disbelief at this one.
But with detachment, I’m more willing to accept this outcome with ease
and use the present moment to ask: “What’s the best thing I can do about this, right now?”
Instead of dwelling on the outcome I wished had happened, I’ve accepted and adapted to this one -
and in the past week I’ve hired three new people to the team, beginning a new trajectory I wasn’t expecting for this year.
Third, detach from your thoughts & emotions.
I know this one sounds abstract.
“How can I detach myself from my own thoughts and emotions? They’re a natural part of me.”
It makes more sense if you’ve read some books on spirituality.
I recommended The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
You are a soul living in a human body, with a human brain and human emotions during this lifetime.
Your soul is formless and timeless; it is the quiet observer of everything that you experience in life.
Most of us don’t spend enough time or effort quieting our minds to feel the presence of this soul.
But I’m positive that you’ve felt it at some point in your life.
If you close your eyes and a thought pops up, pay attention to the two parts that need to exist:
someone is doing the thinking and someone is doing the observing.
Your mind is thinking and you are observing.
You are NOT your mind. You are the observer of your mind - and your emotions too.
Meditation is one thing that builds this awareness you have for the quiet observer that is your soul.
With this realization and practice, you’ll notice that you’re able to observe your thoughts and emotions as they come and go.
You don’t have to attach meaning to them, other than:
“that was simply a thought” or “this is simply an emotion I am feeling”
You don’t have to identify with that thought or emotion, or let it escalate to something more.
You see it and feel it, but know that the thought or emotion is not you, and it will pass.
Learning to detach from your thoughts and emotions is life-changing.
You’ll be able to ride the waves of life easier, see more clearly, and accept yourself for who you are, right now.
I’m curious, have you been able to detach yourself from your thoughts & emotions, even for a little bit?
Or do you still feel entangled in them?
Comment below with where you are in your journey.
I hope you gained some knowledge or inspiration today on how to cultivate healthy detachment in your life, and find more inner peace.
Especially in trying times, these skills are so valuable to get us through and help us thrive.
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Sending you so much love. Thank you for watching, thank you for existing,
and I’ll see you next time. Bye!