- SO LAST NIGHT, I WAS AT THE DRUGSTORE
REFILLING MY PRESCRIPTION FOR-- YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ACTUALLY.
[laughter]
I WAS AT THE DRUGSTORE, AND I WAS SHOPPING,
AND I REALIZED WE HAVE WAY TOO MANY CHOICES
OF EVERY KIND OF PRODUCT, DON'T YOU THINK?
THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS OUT THERE.
THE WORLD IS CLUTTERED--
YOU KNOW, THEY SAY VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE,
BUT MAYBE WE'RE GETTING TOO SPICY.
'CAUSE THE AMOUNT OF-- LET ME JUST SHOW YOU.
I BROUGHT SOME OF THESE THINGS BACK,
AND I PUT IT ON MY EXPENSE ACCOUNT
SO I COULD JUST BUY EVERYTHING.
THESE ARE TOOTHPASTES THAT ARE JUST AT THAT ONE DRUGSTORE.
ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?
OKAY, HERE'S ONE I FOUND.
THIS IS AQUAFRESH.
AND IT'S CALLED EXTREME CLEAN.
AND IT HAS WHITENING ACTION.
IF YOU SEE THAT.
ALL RIGHT?
SO YOU HAVE THE WHITENING ACTION, AND--
WHICH IS-- WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT?
I'M NOT GONNA PASS THAT UP.
UNTIL YOU GET TO THE NEXT ONE AND YOU SEE THIS ONE.
AQUAFRESH ADVANCED TWO TIMES WHITENING.
NOW, WHY WOULDN'T I CHOOSE THAT?
SO THAT, TO ME, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A FLASHLIGHT,
YOUR TEETH CAN HELP YOU SEE IN THE DARK.
YOU JUST SMILE, AND YOU SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
HERE'S ONE.
THIS IS CREST, AND IT'S 3-D WHITE.
WHICH MEANS YOUR TEETH WILL BE INCREDIBLY WHITE,
BUT ONLY PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL GLASSES CAN SEE THEM.
[laughter]
THIS IS INTERESTING.
SOMEONE CAME UP WITH THIS.
CREST, AND IT'S WHITENING WITH--
OF COURSE, EVERYBODY WANTS THE WHITENING.
THERE'S NOTHING THAT SAYS "NOT WHITENING."
WHITENING PLUS SCOPE.
AND THEN IT HAS CITRUS SPLASH.
SEE THAT?
IT'S THE WONDERFUL TASTE OF DRINKING ORANGE JUICE
RIGHT AFTER YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
WE'RE ALL LOOKING FOR THAT DELICIOUS FLAVOR IN YOUR MOUTH.
ALL RIGHT, HERE ARE THE CHOICES OF DEODORANT THAT I FOUND.
LOT OF DEODORANT.
NOW, THANKS TO EXTREME COUPONING--
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
I GOT ALL THIS: 38¢.
[laughter]
NOW, IF YOUR FAVORITE DEODORANT IS SECRET, YOU'RE IN LUCK,
BECAUSE HERE ARE SOME OF THE CHOICES FOR SECRET.
SECRET COMES IN A SPRAY, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS ILLEGAL.
AND SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT IF YOU WANT.
I DON'T KNOW WHO'S STILL USING SPRAY--
HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE STILL USING SPRAY FOR UNDER YOUR ARMS?
REALLY? MM.
[laughter] OKAY.
ONE PERSON.
THAT'S GOOD. HERE IT IS.
IT'S RIGHT HERE FOR YOU.
THAT'S WHY THEY STILL HAVE IT AS AN OPTION.
AND THEN HERE'S ONE THAT'S PH BALANCED RIGHT HERE.
AND I DON'T NEED THAT, 'CAUSE MY POOL GUY DOES THAT FOR ME.
[laughter]
HERE'S ANOTHER SECRET. THIS IS CALLED FLAWLESS RENEWAL.
FLAWLESS RENEWAL.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
"CAROL, WHAT ARE YOU USING?
YOU HAVE THE ARMPITS OF A 20-YEAR-OLD."
[laughter]
IF NONE OF THESE ARE WHAT YOU WANT,
YOU CAN USE CLINICAL STRENGTH SPORT.
LOOK AT THAT.
CLINICAL STRENGTH--
IT SAYS IT'S MARATHON FRESH SCENT.
MARATHON FRESH, THAT IS LIKE SAYING "LOCKER ROOM BREEZE."
[laughter]
I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE CHOICES WE HAVE.
BUT I GUESS PEOPLE LIKE CHOICES,
SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A CHOICE RIGHT NOW.
MY BACK HAS BEEN OUT, AND IT'S STILL HEALING,
BUT YOUR CHOICES ARE:
I CAN EITHER NOT DANCE AT ALL
OR I CAN DANCE VERY, VERY SLOWLY.
[cheers and applause]
ALL RIGHT.