in three two one
hey everybody i'm joel mchale and this
is everything i do in a day oh
see that
i can wake up anywhere between seven and
even 9 30 if i've stayed up really late
doing stuff
and my wife is very nice to kind of take
that i take the kind of late shift and
she kind of takes the
early shift i will get out of bed
relieve myself
and then i you know it's the pandemic so
i put
either the exact same pair of shorts i
have on
or a fresh nearly identical pair of
shorts on and then usually i'll put on a
tank top in hopes
that i'll be working out i get down the
stairs and my
finger is leading to that machine and
bam and then
i pour myself a cup of coffee and i can
go
panic then i'll have a multivitamin
maybe
and then maybe a probiotic i know no
idea what those do
and i'll take a propecia as men of my
age
and hairline do i recommend it for many
of them as long as it doesn't affect
your sex drive doesn't affect mine
so at that point my 15 year old will
probably be on his laptop that school
has
is about to begin uh but he's checking a
couple of things
so then uh they will go to
zoom school my wife
goes back and forth and if i'm here work
not working then i will do some back and
forth but the kids know how
much much smarter my wife is she was a
straight a student
i'm like super dyslexic and cheated and
got terrible grades so
they smartly and it really shows that
evolution works they tend toward the
smarter
and more attractive people and so now
we're at about mid-morning and i'm
usually either
on a zoom call or i am on the phone
for work of some sort pacing around
the outside of my house the inside of my
house
and people will be asking me questions
during that time to which i'll go
then i'm hoping i get to exercise uh
because i am
you know um i'm going through a midlife
crisis and i'm a narcissist
and um it's good for you i like to jump
rope now
that's the thing that i've been doing
because running every day can
it's there's a lot of pounding so you
just don't want to uh you don't do that
every day unless you're a young person
then just
just gazelle your way through life
that's fine so i like to jump rope
i i'm up to about 40 minutes of jumping
rope
not cont i can't it's not it's not the
you know the whole time i hit my feet so
i got started over a couple times and
then i like to lift weights
i listen to books endlessly and very
seldomly music
uh once in a while i've been listening
to rufus wainwright's new album
unfollow the rules but i usually
will just listen to a book i listen to a
lot of sci-fi and a lot of fantasy
because it's a it's like an escape and i
can kind of kind of check out for a
little bit
and and then check back in audible is
like for being a dyslexic person audible
has been a savior
i don't shower after workouts because
i'm at home and i'm like well
if i if i'm super sweaty then i'll do it
especially if i'm super sweaty but
if i'm not really that sweaty then i
don't even bother i'm
always thinking i'm constantly behind
which
i usually am but i'm always catching up
so as soon as i'm done i'm like
i'm i'm on to the next thing which is
not necessarily
a healthy way to live then usually
it's time for lunch of some sort i
usually don't eat anything
until lunch not out of like i'm on a
starvation diet i just
get that cup of coffee going that
satiates me
once in a while i'll fry an egg up
there's a taco place
and then there's a there's a really
great cafe called
aroma cafe cactus is the name of the
taco place so we'll go there
my son will get a chicken wrap the other
guy's a turkey burger
and we have one rabbit and uh sadly one
of our rabbits passed away
and uh we have this one rabbit and um
i'll i will feed the rabbit
then now it's post lunch and there could
be a myriad of things that have to be
done
obviously home maintenance is a constant
sometimes i will go grocery shopping
i have a uh this suv it's a 1990 toyota
land cruiser
and it's the car from my high school so
it is the car i always wanted as a kid
and i have it so it's got stripes on it
made my guy named brian corsetti he did
it all
great mercedes cruisers and i will
get in that car and go to a myriad of
different places usually uh there's a
gelsons market sometimes there's a rouse
sometimes my kids will want like a
frappuccino from starbucks which we'll
let them have sometimes
uh i like to just call it the starbucks
milkshake
then it could be a day of me going to a
place to record something
or uh usually an appearance on a game
show or
uh boy it depends on the day or zoom
call heaven
i'll take my 12 year old to go play
football my kids love the fortnight they
like uh
oculus and so they'll do they get to do
some of that and then we try to get them
to do homework which
they're about as successful as my
parents were with me
trying to do homework we'll sit on the
couch together we'll watch a bob's
burgers
usually that's a that's a show that
brings the whole family together aura
simpsons
but it's been bob's lately and i love
that show and it makes me laugh
hard like i not someone who laughs very
easily and i
lose it we will start dinner cooking
the prep so i get into it um it depends
on what it is
if i'm roasting a whole chicken i'll
start roasting that chicken at about 4
30 or 5 and that chicken will be ready
around
6 or 6 10. by the way one of the
simplest recipes to do
you just take a chicken you can put
almost any rub you want on the outside
of it make sure you pat that thing down
you can shove a half a lemon into the
cavity of the chicken put it
on a cookie sheet or whatever you want
throw it in the oven at like 450 for an
hour and 10 minutes
perfect make sure it's on the lowest
rack i make salad dressing in advance
uh with yuzu paste that's my big secret
which is a
japanese citrus fruit which turns into
this really salty wonderful paste
my boys love pasta and so we'll make
them that i like to mix it up with rice
or
boil i like to boil a potato days in
advance and then cut them up and then
fry them
that's good stuff i go to the farmer's
market on sundays almost every sunday i
will go to the farmers market
it supports local farms it's super fresh
and it's cheaper than a grocery store i
look forward to the dishes actually i
don't mind them because it's a way of
kind of winding down the evening and
once i get towards the end of the dishes
i'm usually watching cable news at that
point
or i will listen to a book on audible
through my phone
i will feed the dogs i will feed the
rabbits
rabbit again i will wrap up those dishes
and then i'll go
hmm can i play a video game
can i hop on and play some call of duty
or battlefield
or something like that with a couple of
friends chris mintz class
you know mclovin sean brown we are on
the great indoors together with chris
and then my friend boyd vico we also
play if i'm lucky that's like one hour
every
two weeks and i usually will have opened
a bottle of red wine
and or had a beer earlier i like the red
my wife likes white
and then i'll open up five more bottles
and i'll down those
one after the other and then i'll go to
a fraternity party
then it's like okay i think it's time to
go to bed i'll go lock all the doors to
everything
because that gives me a sense of
security because people couldn't just
you know
reach through the window and unlock it
that's these are the fantasies that i
have
but we have such loud dogs that i'm not
really worried about it
i will take the garbage out do the
recycling i gotta walk
past our garage to do that and usually
there's some sort of varmint
making a noise whether that's a squirrel
sometimes once in a while a coyote
definitely a skunk or two
i'll make sure the garage is closed and
i'll make sure the garage
door is closed you know all that stuff
then i'll put that little pot of soap in
the dishwasher and i'll start that thing
up
i will brush my teeth for a long long
time before i go to bed and that's where
i would end up watching a television
show for 15 minutes because i will floss
the hell out of my teeth
do i do the brushing then hydrogen
peroxide
three percent i swish with that for a
good
10 15 minutes people go like uh no i
haven't had a cavity in 10 years because
of it
keeps my teeth white and keeps those
cavities away there is no
skin care i don't even wash my face and
people go like
you're a monster i don't know why i
don't it's just i don't
i just never thought my face must be
covered in dirt before i go to bed so
i'm going to wash it
i don't wear pajamas i just wear
underwear or maybe shorts depending and
then
i'll crawl into the bed and move around
the myriad of dogs
that are trying to get close to my wife
i'll just crawl into bed and then i'll
be checking my phone i'm like i know i
shouldn't be checking my phone in bed
so that's going on for 10 years the not
the checking
of my phone when i know i probably
shouldn't be in bed i'm joel mchale
and that's every boring thing i do
in a day wait a minute is it that boring
the cooking's exciting