welcome to another armor review I am honestly baffled by how many people seem to find my
opinions vaguely entertaining but I'm here for it. There are five tiers or possibly five and
a half let's go. I'd wear it is the top tier and it's pretty self-explanatory I wouldn't hate it
if I had to wear it as a costume I might quite like it. pretty good is for things I wouldn't
necessarily be overjoyed to wear but they're definitely fine they're solid. Not actually
armour available in various merchandising kind of forms this one is my husband's hoodie is our
necessary category for things that I have been asked to review but that clearly were not meant
to function as armour but we'll talk about them anyway. Also on the yellow level I have introduced
a new tier which I have decided to call 'eh'. the stuff that's not as good as pretty good and
not as bad as could be worse it's just eh. Moving right on down could be worse is the stuff that's
clearly meant to be armour and it tried it really did but it's just not very good. And right at the
bottom is my personal favourite tier just stab me now this tier is mostly for things that are
so non-functional that they would get you killed in a combat setting but occasionally they're also
just for things that I really hate. But this is just one person's opinion and if you don't like
it you can always make your own video. yours would probably have fewer digressions I'm just saying.
At this point I might have got myself a mug of something hot and fortifying but the mug is in the
dishwasher so I will cut in some footage of future Jill enjoying a nice cup of tea or whatever.
don't ask me how much later in the day this was filmed nor how many layers I'm wearing underneath
this. let it never be said that I'm subtle because it would be a lie all right let's go. The Judoon
from Doctor Who because the list of things I have to review is still so long I have a tendency not
to really look into things past what I can see on the picture and pick up from a Google search for
more pictures. But I used to watch a fair amount of Doctor Who so let's talk about the Judoon AKA
humanoid space rhinos not to be confused with the sontarans AKA humanoid space potatoes sontarans
have a deliberate weak spot built into their armour on the back of their necks so that they
are discouraged from running away the Judoon are basically Intergalactic mercenary police types so
they do not have that. dietetically speaking I think it looks quite good and if I were a
giant galumping space Rhino I would not object to something which is basically muscle cuirass helmet
pteruges and a general biker look for the rest of you the feeling I'm getting is hoplite meets goth
cast member from the tribe. Side note does anyone else remember that show there was a virus that
killed all of the adults so neither the teenagers and children were left to run the world basically
and the Main Group lived in a mall and they all had Manic Panic hair colours and scribbled all
over their faces and every single person wore giant clompy boots it's over 20 years old now
and I don't know how to feel about that also my first ever crush on a fictional character was one
of the characters in that show and if you've ever seen it I'm going to leave you to guess which one
it was you can you can give me your guesses in the comments. anyway we were talking about the Judoon.
Diegetically if I were a humanoid space rhino I'd wear it because it looks you know pretty comfy
and protective and it covers your entire body non-diegetically wouldn't necessarily be such
a fan of it because it looks really sweaty to put on but Richard Price who wears these among other
things for a living said it only takes 10 minutes to put it on which for full body coverage creature
suit kind of stuff probably that's not that bad that's not that bad. and yes it's probably all
made of pleather rather than hyper Advanced space materials that make it more comfortable to wear
but still 10 minutes that's got to be worth at least a pretty good. Especially because there's
a helmet. Aloy from Horizon forbidden West. Speaking of the tribe which we just were we're
going post-apocalyptic for this next one uh-huh you thought it was just a pointless digression you
were entirely right but let's pretend that I know what I'm doing. Because they're post-apocalyptic
I'd probably give the Horizon games more of a pass than many other things when it comes to
what they're wearing because you just you can't necessarily get everything that you want to you
don't necessarily have the tools to make it into a shape that you want. That being said this one is
clearly meant to be armour with the spaulder-like stuff and the breastplate that's an actual breast
plate. Just stab me now. This outfit I like though it's not actually armour as far as I can tell but
I have had archers come on the channel and tell me that they were worried about Susan Pevensie
from the Narnia movies because she was wearing a sort of battle corset thing which would give her
you know arm and shoulder Mobility for shooting I was about to say arching arching was clearly
not the right word to go for there anyway she also had a lot of random buckles and they were kind of
concerned that the random buckles would get caught in her bowstring and foul up her shot. And so it
is with the necklaces I don't hate the necklaces I quite like the necklaces but I'm just saying maybe
you might want to tuck the necklaces in otherwise they might get caught on your bowstring. This one
I would rate at least pretty good or maybe I'd wear it depending on whether or not their society
can shape metal if they can't really shape metal is that why she's not wearing a helmet she's just
wearing a sort of thing on her head or is this some kind of plot point does she use it to commune
with the bees or something? I don't know. moving on. Brotherhood of the Wolf. I should explain that
all of these are Patron requests and I have not even got near the bottom of my list yet but you
know we're making our way through but Brotherhood of the Wolf is a movie with a lot of really nice
period-ish costumes that I really enjoy are they historically accurate? I don't know but I
like them they're really pretty but it also has this leather rain coat get up with this really
high collar that you can turn up and button up so it covers your whole face like you're wearing
a mask they're even colour-coded there's this guy in the black coat and then there's this guy in the
sort of tan and brown coat and you can tell the difference even when it's raining and they have
their faces covered! convenient! now from what I can see it seems to come under the category of not
actually armour but I have to say I really like the detail of the collar that you can button all
the way up to hide your face or protect your neck I suppose which might be something you'd need to
do in a movie called Brotherhood of the wolf are there werewolves in it? I don't know. they might
not know there are going to be werewolves in it there might not be werewolves in it, I haven't
seen it but if there are werewolves in it you know that's gonna help! Also I like that it has a
really high split at the back which makes fighting and horse riding easier not actually armour but I
like it! Dune I was a little bit confused by this request because the only thing I could think of
were the stillsuits and stillsuits as far as I'm aware are not actually armour they're something
something moisture reclamation something something recycling all your bodily excretions something
something they probably smell really bad. also in the new movie there are some unfortunate shapes
on different pieces of the stillsuit which you know what say no more. Because I figured out
what it is I'm supposed to be reviewing for this request which is the stuff that Poe Dameron and
friends are wearing over here. And it looks really interesting I do worry about the articulation on
the arms but I guess there is a bit there so it's probably not too bad. and there are helmets yay
helmets! practically speaking I'd hope it's good you're at least getting a lot of coverage and you
kind of need it if you're going for an aesthetic like this because what this says to me is Medieval
plate armour meets the University of Warwick which for those of you unfamiliar is basically
medieval plate armour meets concrete breezeblock. Aesthetically speaking it's just not my cup of tea
you know what I mean? which leads me to assume that these are the baddies or at least that they
are stern uncompromising and ruthless if that's meant to be the vibe then top tier I'd wear it I
like it if that's not meant to beat the vibe and they're meant to be the goodies then I still give
them a pretty good because I kind of like it but aesthetically it's kind of it's sending messages
that you might not necessarily want to. Vikings as in the TV series Vikings. There are a lot of
these so I tell you what we're going to look at a couple of them and I'm going to tell you what
I think about them historically speaking based on what they're wearing. I thought you said you
didn't really discuss historical accuracy Jill? well usually not but I know a tiny bit about the
Vikings so let's have a go. because you know how I go on about helmets? Well turns out Vikings in
general didn't really wear helmets because they didn't wear a lot of metal some of them wore metal
but only the really really rich ones. if you had a helmet which was probably something like this
it either meant that you were very very rich or that you were a professional soldier. so on
initial inspection I was liking these guys because they're clearly protecting this dude in the very
fancy embroidered coat thing. But then I looked at the vests and I am unsure what this is meant to be
because the studs in it make me think that it's meant to be brigandine but it doesn't really look
like brigandine and to the best of my knowledge Vikings didn't really do brigandine. Lamellar
maybe you could justify chainmail yeah if you had a lot of money or were a professional soldier
perhaps but brigandine no and random fabric armour with studs in it also no why would you waste the
metal? assuming it was an actual brigandine and historical accuracy didn't matter I'd wear it
because I like it it's simple you're covering all of your vital bits and you got a helmet but
historically speaking I feel like it's more in the realm of could be worse because an attempt
was made you know? and the thing is I think they were attempting historical accuracy because look
at this picture over here you've got guys in fabric armour quilted gambeson type things!
Spears! that's very correct good job so why would you give these guys the helmets and then a pretend
brigandine vest I don't understand anyway it's cool that they have Shields and Spears though
that's great this lady I assume is the blonde from the previous picture and so she is really
kind of rich and so she can afford metal armour. on first inspection I thought I'd wear that that
looks really cool! on second inspection why are all of these random leather inserts there if the
leather is just going over the top of things then that's still grand but if it's not why would you
introduce weakness in vital spots like that I don't understand the thing about a mail shirt
is it's very flexible you don't need to add in leather for anything other than Aesthetics still
and all it does look like she can move and breathe and fight in it and also yay a shield and since
shields were apparently like the primary defensive thing that Vikings had maybe we'll give it a pass
you know? our last one for today is Edelgard's Emperor class armour from Fire Emblem three houses
yeah yeah I got that right and I'm having a bit of a flashback to last time actually because in the
last armour review I did I reviewed Maple and I got a lot of stick for saying that she was in the
just stab me now category because a lot of people pointed out not unfairly that she was carrying a
giant shield and even if she didn't have a helmet she was armoured probably more than your average
greek hoplite but while I'm going to give Edelgard a higher rating in quite a similar outfit I stand
by my opinion on Maple even if I now know that she's a character in a video game and so of course
she can use and handle that Shield it's a video game! the video game aspect would also explain why
the cuirass is completely skin tight because skins and apparently it doesn't even matter what she's
wearing because something something Min-maxing or so I am informed but there are two reasons that I
gave this it just stab me now rating so let's have a look at both of these and I'll try and explain
a little better. The first reason is that this is ostensibly a teenage girl and I can see her bare
upper thighs and it's kind of a little bit skeevy. I would not have been so skeeved out if they just
coloured in all of her legs red a la Edelgard as if she had leggings on or something but no no we
had to go for the sexy school girl over the knee socks look and it's just kind of urgh, uh huh,
right sexy school girl style greaves why but the second reason is that there is a style mismatch
going on and it messes with my head. The armour is black and the fact that the armour is black says
to me medieval period not that they wouldn't have had the technology to make armour black before
that but it was very common in the medieval period to paint your armour or to Blacken it with oil to
make it you know rust proof corrosion resistant but For Better or Worse black armour says to me
medieval so if I'm already thinking medieval when I look at this picture then when I look
at her waist and upper legs I'm thinking fauld and tassets in the medieval style rather than
pteruges in the hoplite Style again that might just be me but the fact that I'm thinking medieval
style full plate armour and then I'm seeing all these big bits of bare skin just kind of makes it
weird and couple that with the fact that she is meant to be a teenage girl and you're like which
is why. Edelgard for all that she is missing a helmet is doing better because one adult and two
trousers. and yes I would like a helmet if you're going full plate style and yes it is weird that
a woman who has spent so much time and money and metal covering her body would have weird cutouts
in that metal around her neck and those tassets look impractically long to me and yes video games
so it's a skin type thing because skins. but it's a definite Improvement I would have given it a
pretty good but those cutouts around the neck man I think we're just gonna have to go with
eh. it's a good effort I've definitely seen worse but uh and that's what we've got for
today so I'm going to reward myself with a nice cup of tea. I'll see you all soon.