5 Types of People You Need To COMPLETELY Avoid [0:00:00]
Realize, wow, this thing needs a lot of attention. I mean, I don't want them to kill the pet.
[Sound effect] Yeah, that didn't work out well. [Bleeping sound]
So, the first guy on my list, Victor the victim. You know who I'm talking about. This is the
guy that blames everyone. He blames everything for his problems. It's always the system's
fault, it's always that person's fault. He knows specifically who to put the blame on.
In fact, the only person who's never to blame is himself.
Here's the deal. This person is trapped. They are trapped in the mentality of the victim.
And this is something they actually kind of enjoy. Because guess what? If you believe
that it's everyone else's fault and you never have to take on any personal responsibility,
the fact that you haven't gone after your dreams that you haven't reached your full
potential, it's not your fault. It's so much easier to stay stuck in this victim mentality.
Now, I feel bad for Victor. I really do. But, you need to be careful because this is contagious.
Anytime you start to surround yourself with negative toxic people, it wears on you. These
negative people start to bring you down. And you've got to be careful, some of these people
you love. They're your family. Some of these people you want to help. These are friends
that you have known since you were kids. But you've got to be careful of how these people
can rub off on you and start to bring you down.
So, how to deal with Victor? Well, the question comes before that, do you want to deal with
Victor? Is Victor someone you really care about that you want to put forth effort? Because
with someone like this in the victimhood mentality, what I like to do is I set it up so that,
okay, let's go ahead and get rid of all those excuses.
And, yeah, you want to lose weight, but you can never find time to get to the gym. You
can't afford the gym, then guess what? How about I pay for the first month for you? How
about I be your accountability partner? I'm going to go out there and I'm going to jog
with you on a lunch hour. You become someone that gets rid of excuses.
And I find that with a lot of these people, it's going to be something that they start
to distance themselves from you because all of a sudden they realized this guy right here
he's actually trying to make things happen. And some people are scared to death because
all of a sudden you are shining the light on their shadows and they realize that they're
going to have to take action. Now, let's talk about George the gossiper.
This guy is always talking smack about people when they're not around, never in front of
them. No, he always talks behind their backs, he's spreading rumors. This guy just can't
shut up about people's personal business. So, why do you want to distance yourself from
George the gossiper? Why don't you want to be listening in whenever they're talking about
other people? Because, guys, it can put you in a compromising situation when later on
your boss is asking, “Hey, was George talking about me?” And he was, and all of a sudden
you find, okay, am I going to betray George, am I going to tell my boss the truth, or am
I going to tell a little lie? And, this is something you just don't want to put yourself
in that situation. So, how to avoid George? Whenever he starts
to gossip, one of the things I found that’s very powerful is simply to say, “You know
what? Without him being around here I don't feel comfortable talking about him, can we
change the subject?” It's a very -- just you’re straight up.
And here's the deal. So, many people don't have the courage to do that little thing right
there. They don't want to offend, they just let that person talk. They're worried about
what that other person is going to think. But, here's the deal is he is putting you
in a situation that you don't enjoy. Also, he's wasting your time.
And I think with all of these people, you're going to have to make a decision. You're going
to have to say is this someone close enough that I want to continue to maintain this relationship
and I'm going to put in the extra work or I'm willing just to say my -- say what's on
my mind and I will risk losing this connection. Oh, and by the way, if you agree, disagree,
you've got something you want to add, I want to hear from you down in the comments.
So now, let's talk about Negative Nancy. Yes, we all know who this person is. They always
look at the world as it's on fire and everything is going down. They love watching CNN, they
love watching their Fox News, and repeating back to you the left, the right, how everything
is going down. They love that stuff because guess what? It reinforces the way that they
already see the world. But, I believe we are living in the best time
ever. Yes, there are many bad things going on, but you know what? We have the power to
change it. We, I mean there's just so many things that we can innovate and we can transform
and we just need to have the courage to make things happen.
And here's the thing with Negative Nancy is this is a mindset. This is a fear mindset
and it is going to be very difficult to get this person to change. So, I would recommend
if you really don't care that much about her just compartmentalize this person and make
sure whenever you're having a discussion, you keep it focused on what you need to work
relationship. It's a personal relationship. This is your
let's say your mother, this is your aunt, this is your dad and he's just got this negative
take, then it's something, hey, can you have a thoughtful conversation. Not a debate, just
a conversation that, you know, you get this person to, well, think about it from this
person's perspective. [0:05:07]
I find that making the other side more human. Let's stop beating up on the left or the right,
but let's look at the human beings here. Why do they think this? I mean let's really try
to figure these people out. And I find that once that happens and you humanize the other
side, all of a sudden they start to see that, okay, maybe there is a little bit of light
over there, maybe there is a bit of good, maybe it's not as negative as I thought.
Now, let's talk about Mark the manipulator. This guy is sometimes hard to spot because
you're the type of person that every time you meet somebody you assume all people are
good. And this guy initially comes in and you're doing things for each other, seems
like a great guy, but all of a sudden you notice that whenever you need something from
him, he's not there. But, he's always coming to you and he's very strategic.
And manipulators are always looking for the win on their side, not the win/win, not the
possible loss for them and the win for you. No, they are looking out for always their
best interests. Now, human beings naturally I think are very
selfish, but I think that we have the ability to rise above this. And we have the ability
to really care for people and to do things for other without the expectation that we're
going to get something back. A manipulator can't do this. They always think I need to
be able to get something from them. The problem with being a manipulator is that
they don't have long-term vision because when it comes down to relationships here's the
thing is you can't predict how a real relationship is going to actually reach fruition. So, manipulators
you can't, you know, it's just something you going to have to cut them off. If they are
in your life like they're a close friend or they’re – they’re family, then you just
need to be wary of them and you need to set boundaries. That's the best way to keep them
in place. But, in general don't let that detract from
you being a go giver, being someone that believes in the law of reciprocity which is whenever
you give to others, they will want to give back. I know that if you create this sense
of giving, it's going to find its way back. Now, let's talk about Judgmental James. Yes,
this guy looks at someone and makes a quick judgment. But here's the thing, all of us
are judgmental. All of us have these shortcuts in our brain that we make quick decisions
based off of how people look, how people behave. We form first opinions. But you've got to
have the strength take it back and say, you know what? I don't really know this person
or do I really know this person, do I know what's going on in their life.
They call that reframing. Judgmental James you need to say, okay, how about I quit judging
him first because what made him so judgmental what happened in his life that he has to make
such quick decisions about people. And is it, again, worth going after and working with
this person that this is something I view is very difficult to change in a person.
I think you can lose you some logic in the workplace to overcome judgmental people, but
in your personal life, I think and to make long-lasting change, it's something that you
need to go deeper. Again, I want to hear from you guys down in the comments how you change
judgmental people. Now, let's talk about Selfish Sam. Selfish
Sam is so self-absorbed that when you're around him you literally feel like you're around
a black hole because he is just sucking energy. Everything is about him, everything is about
how he feels, what's going on in his life. And in fact, you learn that this person only
keeps you around because they want you to pay attention to them.
Literally, they want to feed from you, to feel from. This is a vampire. They have not
reached maturity in their lives where they've realized that we are part of a bigger system.
The -- the most unselfish people I've ever met in my life are those that at an early
age were put into a position of responsibility. It's sad that it has to happen, but it is
such a maturing experience whenever you all of a sudden have to take care of your siblings,
when you all of a sudden have to make these decisions that a 16-year old that an 18-year
old that the normal 20-year old doesn't have to make. The point being, this person has
not gone through a level of maturity to understand that.
So, how to deal with the selfish person? Guys, if it's at work, I advise giving them a project
which depends on other people. Yes, they're the lead and they've got a lead. But maybe
talk with the people they're going to be working with and say, “Hey, like this guy he's not
your boss. His success depends on you. And he's going to have to find a way to actually
work with other people and not make everything so much about him because if he doesn't do
this he's going to fail.” Now, in your personal life, how to do this?
Well, maybe you've got a brother, maybe you've got a cousin, maybe you've got one of your
kids that are just incredibly selfish. Well, I find that giving them responsibility. Yes,
many times they're going to fail, but actually when they have to bring in others, when they
have to work with others, when they have to depend on others, I find that that helps level
up the maturity. All right, guys, what did I miss? What would
you add? I want to hear from you down in the comments.
And, what video to watch next? How about this one seven toxic alpha male habits that you
need to stop making. And by the way, if you're making -- if you're doing these things, it
does not make you an alpha male. I had a lot of fun with this video. Go check it out. Hopefully
you are not making these mistakes. [0:10:15] End of audio