All right. How to master your emotions, three easy steps. One of the
most important things to really understand and integrate into yourself
in order to have emotional mastery, is to really understand that you are in
control of your emotions. You are in control of how you feel in any given
moment. Whatever emotion you experience, you are creating that
within yourself, and you are doing certain things to create that emotion. A lot of
people want to believe that emotions happen to you, they happen
to us, that it's because of the rain, the weather, it's because this person
yelled at me, therefore, I feel a certain way. It's because of my boss, or it's
because I got ripped off and XYZ happened, so therefore, I
feel a certain way. That's the first lie. That's the first illusion that you
have to dispel. It's not true, and if you believe that and buy into that, then
you're coming at this from a victim mentality, and you're never going to be
able to fully master the emotions of yourself. You're always going to be
a victim, and all these external things that are outside yourself, are always
going to influence how you feel. In order to be a master of your emotions, to
have emotional mastery, you have to become a master of meaning. The
meaning that you associate to an event, is what's going to determine how you
feel in any given moment. Right now it's raining, and I can
either associate a meaning of, "This sucks. I want to be sad. I'm going to be depressed," and
focus on all the things that suck about that, or I could associate a different
meaning to that, and actually see that as a positive thing, and be happy and grateful,
because the rain is feeding the plants, and it's going to give me an
ability to stay in, to create videos for you guys. Looking at it in a
different way, a positive way. In any given moment, you can find a good meaning,
a positive meaning or a disempowering or negative meaning it's whatever meaning
that you give it. Nothing in life has any meaning, except for the meaning that
you give it. One of my favorite books is one called Man's Search for Meaning,
by Viktor Frankl and he was a
psychiatrist, and he was living in Auschwitz. He got taken away, living in
Auschwitz concentration camp. He is one of the first people that discovered that
it's not the events, but it's the meaning that we associate to it, that really
determines how we feel. We can be in a negative environment. You can be in an
environment where there is suffering all around you, and still find meaning, still find
happiness, and not be controlled by external events in our lives. Understanding
that, that meaning is what creates emotion, is really the first and most
important thing, and that you can change the meaning associated to anything, just
by asking yourself a new question. If something bad happened to you,
what determines whether or not it's bad, or how you're going to feel about it, is the
meaning that you associate to that experience. Just by asking yourself, "What's great
about this? What else could this mean? What's good about this?" And forcing
yourself to find the good in every situation, is going to radically change how
you feel about it. Two different people could have the exact same
experience.
I'll give you an example. Two people go to Afghanistan. They're serving the U.S.
marines. Two people lose their leg. One person, the meaning they
associate to it is that their life is over. "I've lost my leg. I'm never going to be
the same. No one is ever going to love me. I'm depressed." He's suicidal, and he kills
himself. That's something that has happened. The other person who has lost his
leg, same event, but he finds a positive meaning, an empowering meaning
behind it. He thinks first of all, "Oh, my god, I'm so grateful, I'm so thankful that I'm
still alive. I'm so thankful that I still have my other leg. I'm so thankful that I
still have my arms, my hands, my head, and other parts of my body." That
person ends up being appreciative, and has a gratitude, and believes that
he was given a second chance. Therefore, he cherishes his life. He's going
to take advantage of all the opportunities. He's going to stop and smell
the roses. He's going to
just live his life
more fully, and be more alive, because of that event. As you can see, it's not the
event. It's the meaning that you associate to it.
Okay now let's go into some practical steps here. One thing I learned
from Tony Robins and just general psychology, there's three primary
things that affect how we feel in any given moment. Again, your emotions are
something that you have control over. You can change how you feel in an instant.
Have you ever felt a certain way, maybe you're tired, maybe you're depressed or sad, and
all of a sudden, the phone rings or something happens, all of a sudden
something else and the words come across the phone. Someone is sharing something
with you, and you're in a totally different state, and you
feel totally different. How is that possible? One minute, you're
depressed and sad. The next minute, you feel excited and energized, and you feel happy
again. It was just the meaning that you associated, based on
what that person said, or what happened. You control that
meaning, and you can change how you feel, based on these three strategies right
here.
Number one is what you focus on, which is related to your meaning. Whatever you
focus on is what you feel. In any given situation, there's good things to
focus on, and there's bad things to focus on. You focus on the good, you're going to
feel good. You focus on the bad, you're going to feel bad. Asking yourself certain
questions, or looking at things in a different way, is going to help you
change how you feel. If you focus on why things won't work out, all the
negative what could happen all the negative things associated with that,
you're going to be in a lousy state. If you train and condition yourself to focus
on the good, what you're grateful for, what you're happy about, what's great
about this, what you can appreciate, how can you love more, how can you learn
from this and utilize this in your life, then you're going to be in a totally different
state. Controlling your focus, asking yourself new questions, looking for
the good, that's a very important piece. The next thing that affects how you feel,
that will help you master your emotions, is mastering your physiology, how you use
your body, how you use your body language in everything, and engaging your
body. Every emotion is associated to a certain body or posture that you might
have.
If you're going to be sad and depressed, then you're probably going to have your shoulders down, slouched,
your head down, your voice quiet. You're low energy, low
breathing in your body, and by using your body that way, it's going to
make you feel depressed and sad. On the other hand, if you want to be happy and
confident and feel good, then you put your shoulders back, your head up. You put a
big smile on your face. You change the tempo of your voice, how you're
speaking, the volume of your voice. You start using your hands, your gestures. You
start breathing in full, using your body in different ways that will
biochemically change how you feel. A lot of people have the habit of
just always walking around like this. They just feel down all the time.
That's something that you condition. You're doing that. You're in control of
how you use your body. Training yourself to always have good posture,
always smiling, always speaking with a loud, clear voice, using your hands,
using your body. One great way to change how you feel is through
exercise, going for a run. That's why part of my morning ritual, I go for a walk and
a run. It radically changes my state. I feel much differently for the rest of
the day, and certain things might happen, they're not going to affect me as much, because I've
built a good foundation first thing in the morning, by exercising and engaging my
body. Not only that, but science shows that exercise, smiling,
using your body, helps to release endorphins, dopamine, and certain
chemicals that make you feel good.
Ok the third thing is your language, what you say to yourself, your belief
systems. If you' always use negative phrases or words, and you talk about how,
"I can't do this, I can't do that, this sucks," and you use negative language,
you're going to feel bad. You're not going to feel good. Speaking in positive ways to
yourself and to other people, will also change how you feel.
One of my favorite ways of changing that is, whenever you catch yourself
saying something negative or disempowering or limiting, say the opposite of that. Just correct
yourself. If you said, "I can't do this," say, "I can do this.
I can do this." If you say,
"It's raining. It sucks," be like, "It's raining. It's great. I'm so happy that it's
raining." Just speak the opposite of that, because often times, that will be
the positive. Those three main things, your focus, your physiology, and
your language, and changing the meaning, those are the most important things
you have to master, in order to master your emotions. Mastering your emotions
takes time,
because we have built all these habits, this automatic way of being.
The more that you condition
certain emotional states, certain emotions, certain ways of
focusing or using your body, the more automatic and natural that feels
for you. The only way to change that is to recondition
yourself. One of my favorite ways of doing that is by using a morning ritual.
Every single morning, spend 15 minutes to an hour,
conditioning yourself, conditioning your focus. Taking time each morning to focus
on what you're
grateful for in your life, what you're happy about, what you're proud of, what you're excited for, what's
great about that day, focusing on your vision, your goals. Just by
forcing yourself to do that every single morning, is going to help recondition
you, and you're going to find yourself naturally feeling happier, all
throughout the day,
naturally looking for the good, where you once looked for the negative.
Conditioning your body, going for an exercise, run or lifting
weights first thing in the morning, to engage your body.
Spending time in the morning, just dancing, or standing up tall, and just
forcing yourself to have good body language all throughout the day. The
same thing with language, repeating to yourself over and over again in the
morning, certain affirmations or incantations, certain phrases or certain
belief systems that you want to say again and again out loud, that will help
condition your mind and change how you feel also. One of my favorite
affirmations and belief systems that I condition, is just saying again
and again, "I control how I feel. I can change how I feel in an instant." Just
saying that again and again, "I am in charge of how I feel. I am in charge of how
feel. I can change how I feel, just like that, in an instant." Just reminding myself
of that constantly.
By having a morning ritual, what happens is, you're basically
reconditioning, reprogramming yourself over a period of time, and you get to a point
in your life where you don't really need to do a morning ritual, and you just naturally feel
that, "Wow, this is who I am now. I don't have to really think about it, but
I just always feel happy. I always feel excited, because you're building new habits that
are supporting you in your life.
Alright so mastering emotions, it does take time, it does take practice, but over
time, you get better and better at it, and you get to a point where things could be
happening, negative things, and you just don't respond and react in a negative way.
It doesn't really affect you as much. It's a pretty powerful place to be, because
having more control over your emotions will allow you to have better
relationships. You're not going to react. You're not going to get hurt as much, and
associate negative meanings. You're going to amplify your relationship, because,
typically, the state of a relationship is based on the state of
the individual. You take two different people that are in happy, positive states all
the time. You put them together, you're going to have a happy, positive relationship. You take
two people that are always depressed and sad, put them together in a relationship, you're going to have
a sad and depressive relationship. It affects your relationships, your
friendships. It affects your productivity, your happiness. It affects your business, your success,
your health. Everything is affected by your emotions and your morning ritual.
I want to encourage you to start a morning ritual, whether that's 15 minutes every day,
to an hour or more, if you choose. I put together a great program that can help
you with this, called Morning Ritual Mastery. Just go to MorningRitualMastery.com,
or click the link below in the description.
Great program. It's helped a lot of people. Great Morning Rituals, and more
important, stick with the ritual over the long term, also. That's it for this
video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. I'll see you in the next video.
This is Stephen, and thank you so much for watching this video. If you enjoyed this,
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