[Music]
we should in theory be nicer to our
partners than to anyone else in the
world a lot nicer than for example we
are with any of our friends we like the
latter we love the former but in fact
we're often monsters in love what
explains our bad behavior that there's
so much at stake friends are with us
just for the evening our mutual
challenges may go no further than the
need to locate a half-decent restaurant
but the person we love has to be a best
friend confit de NOS financial advisor
chauffeur co-parent and sex mate no
wonder they can't succeed in every area
but that we expect so much from them in
love a problem that would not have to be
maddening in and of itself perhaps a
towel on the floor a chewing sound can
unleash catastrophic anxiety when we
feel that this may be a more or less
permanent feature of the one life we've
been granted on this earth at the backs
of our minds driving our agitation on
during domestic struggles is a simple
explosive thought that the other person
hasn't just done this or that thing we
find problematic they have ruined our
lives we aren't monsters with our
friends because they have no capacity to
do us much damage we need to have
invested a lot in someone before we'll
be motivated to scream at them sound
doors on the method call them an
when they let us down paradoxically love
makes us feel safe enough to be horrible
if we were intemperate with our friends
they very soon make excuses to stop
seeing us but love lends us the safety
to reveal our more disturbed emotions
and show a partner who we really are and
that's a privilege we would in truth be
wiser and kinder never fully to share
with
two edges away from self-righteousness
and fury we should at moments of
frustration accept that we haven't come
together with someone unusually
incompetent with trying to do something
unusually hard that everyone in the
world fails at to some degree not least
us we should blame the task not our
colleague and we should at all times
bear in mind too how hard we are to deal
with nothing makes us into monsters
faster than the illusion that we are on
the whole really quite simple to be
around if we sincerely believe this we
haven't begun to know the very first
thing about ourselves asking someone to
love you and be with you is a pretty
mean thing to suggest to anyone you
really want the best for we should try
not to make it harder than it needs to
be our our emotional first aid kit
provides a set of useful selves to some
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