>>> EVERY MOTHER AND CHILD RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFICULT.
>> SOME MOMS SEE THEIR MOMS AS
MENTORS, OTHERS AS FRIENDS.
>> FOR MANY, THE DYNAMIC CAN BE
A BIT MORE FRAUGHT.
BUT FOR THE AUTHORS OF A NEW
BOOK, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO
STRENGTHEN THIS BOND.
>> WELCOME.
>> WELCOME. >> THANK YOU.
WE’RE SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> SO THIS IS SUCH AN
INTERESTING TOPIC.
INTERESTING TOPIC. MOMPLICATED, MOTHER/DAUGHTER
MOMPLICATED, MOTHER/DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS IN PARTICULAR CAN
BE COMPLICATED.
BE COMPLICATED. TELL US WHAT YOU LEARNED ABOUT
THIS SUBJECT.
THIS SUBJECT. >> WELL, ACTUALLY, WE WROTE THIS
BECAUSE OUR OWN COMPLICATIONS,
OR MOMPLICATIONS IN OUR
MOTHER/DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS.
MOTHER/DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS. I LEARNED THE WAY MY MOTHER
AFFECTED ME WAS PROFOUND.
IT AFFECTED ME GROWING UP.
SO TO BE ABLE TO GO BACK AND
UNWIND THAT A BIT AND HEAL FROM
IT.
IT. >> THAT’S SO VERY TRUE.
AND I THINK AS MOMS, IT ALSO
GIVES YOU KIND OF THIS POWER.
LIKE, YOU HAVE THIS PLACE IN
YOUR FAMILY THAT IS COMPLICATED,
BUT IT’S ALSO -- YOU KNOW, YOU
GOT TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN.
>> IT’S LIKE YOU SAID, YOU ONLY
GET ONE.
GET ONE. SO WE FIGURED IT WOULD BE A GOOD
IDEA TO GIVE YOU SOME CLIPS,
SOME EXAMPLES AND YOU TELL US
WHAT WE SHOULD LEARN.
WHY DON’T WE FIRST SHOW YOU THE
COOL MOM SCENE.
THIS IS FROM "MANEEAN GIRLS."
>> IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, DON’T
BE SHY.
BE SHY. THERE ARE NO RULES IN THIS
HOUSE.
HOUSE. I’M NOT LIKE A REGULAR MOM.
I’M A COOL MOM.
RIGHT, REGINA?
RIGHT, REGINA? >> PLEASE STOP TALKING.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY. >> HILARIOUS IN THE MOVIE.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE PITFALLS OF
BEING THE COOL MOM?
>> WELL, TEENAGE GIRLS OFTEN
THINK IT’S GREAT IF THEY HAVE A
MOM WHO GIVES THEM NO RULES.
THEIR FRIENDS CAN COME OVER AND
DRINK AND DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.
THE REALITY IS IT’S HARD FOR A
DAUGHTER NOT TO HAVE ANY LIMITS.
THEY NEED TO HAVE A PARENT, NOT
A FRIEND.
A FRIEND. >> SO THAT’S GOOD ADVICE.
WE HAVE ANOTHER CLIP.
THIS IS FROM "MODERN FAMILY"
WHERE SOFIA VERGARA IS STEPMOM
TO JULIEBONE BOWEN’S CHARACTER.
>> I FEEL LIKE MANNY AND I ARE
NOT WELCOME IN THIS FAMILY.
>> THAT’S NOT CRAZY.
>> IT’S NOT CRAZY.
IT’S HOW I FEEL.
>> I AM SORRY IF YOU FEEL THAT
WAY.
WAY. I REALLY AM.
BECAUSE FROM THE MOMENT I MET
YOU, I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE YOU
FEEL COMFORTABLE.
FEEL COMFORTABLE. >> SO WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ABOUT A
STEPMOM TRYING TO DEVELOP A
RELATIONSHIP WITH A NEW
DAUGHTER?
DAUGHTER? >> I HAVE TWO FRIENDS RIGHT NOW
WHO ARE NEW STEPMOMS.
IT’S A REAL THING.
>> THIS WAS A LITTLE BIT OF A
BIZARRE CLIP BECAUSE THEY’RE THE
SAME AGE.
SAME AGE. >> THEY’RE BOTH STEPMOMS.
>> AS A STEPMOM MYSELF, I THINK
IT’S A VERY COMPLICATED
RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT DOESN’T
HAVE THAT NATURAL BIOLOGICAL
BOND.
BOND. YOU GO INTO IT THINKING LIKE,
OH, I HAVE TO BE THE OTHER
MOTHER.
MOTHER. SO IT’S KIND OF CONFUSING.
BUT IN THE END, I JUST FOUND OUT
THAT MY STEPDAUGHTERS NEED THE
SAME THING ANY GIRL NEEDS.
THEY NEED ME TO BE PRESENT.
THEY NEED ME TO KEEP THEM SAFE,
TO LEAD THEM, GUIDE THEM, AND TO
CELEBRATE THEM.
CELEBRATE THEM. THE BIGGEST THING IS IF YOU HAVE
STEPDAUGHTERS IS TO CELEBRATE
THEIR OWN MOMMA.
SHE IS THEIR REAL MOMMA.
>> I LOVE THAT.
>> THEY HAVE ONE MOM TOO.
I’M THE OTHER MOMMA, BUT SHE IS
THEIR MOM.
THEIR MOM. IT’S IMPORTANT THAT I HONOR HER.
>> AND I THINK IT’S PROBABLY A
LOT ABOUT THE ADULTS ACTING LIKE
ADULTS IN THAT SITUATION,
GETTING ALONG WITH EACH OTHER.
>> VERY, VERY GOOD.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> I HAVE TO SAY, I HAVE A
STEPMOM.
STEPMOM. WE HAD OUR COMPLICATIONS WHEN WE
WERE YOUNGER, BUT SHE IS ONE OF
MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE
UNIVERSE.
UNIVERSE. SO WHEN IT’S BUILT THE RIGHT
WAY, IT CAN BE A LASTING AND ONE
OF THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS YOU
EVER HAVE.
EVER HAVE. >> I LOVE THAT.
>> YOU WANT TO DO ANOTHER CLIP?
>> SURE, YEAH.
THIS NEXT ONE IS THE OVERLY
CRITICAL MOM.
CRITICAL MOM. LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
>> YOU SHOULD JUST GO TO CITY
COLLEGE.
COLLEGE. WITH YOUR WORK ETHIC, JUST GO TO
CITY COLLEGE, THEN TO JAIL, THEN
BACK TO CITY COLLEGE.
THEN MAYBE YOU’D LEARN TO PULL
YOURSELF UP AND NOT EXPECT
EVERYBODY --
EVERYBODY -- >> I REMEMBER THAT CLIP.
>> THE OVERCRITICAL MOM.
WHAT’S YOUR ADVICE?
>> I CAN RELATE TO THAT BECAUSE
MY MOTHER WAS DEFINITELY OVERLY
CRITICAL.
CRITICAL. THE THING IS, IT MAKES YOU
BELIEVE WRONG THINGS ABOUT
YOURSELF.
YOURSELF. >> THERE SHE IS THOUGH.
>> AS YOU GLOW UPROW UP, YOU HAV
REALIZE WHAT SHE THOUGHT ABOUT
YOU, WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU,
HOW SHE CRITICIZED ISN’T WHO YOU
ARE.
ARE. IT WAS HER CRITICIZING YOU.
I’M FORTUNATE BECAUSE WE DID
HEAL OUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN I WAS
IN MY 40s AND SHE WAS IN HER
70s.
70s. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU STEP BACK AND
SEE HER JUST AS A WOMAN LIKE
YOURSELF, THEN YOU START HAVING
COMPASSION.
COMPASSION. SHE HAD HER OWN STORY.
>> DID THAT CHANGE -- IT’S SO
INTERESTING.
INTERESTING. MY MOM WAS AN ONLY CHILD.
I THINK THE OPPOSITE OF ONLY
CHILDREN ARE TWINS.
I THINK SHE KIND OF FELT LEFT
OUT OF OUR LITTLE CIRCLE.
WHEN YOU START TO BE AN ADULT,
DID IT CHANGE THE WAY YOU
MOTHERED?
MOTHERED? >> OH, ABSOLUTELY.
IT DEFINITELY DID.
I JUST DID NOT WANT TO BE THAT
CRITICAL MOM.
CRITICAL MOM. I KNEW HOW IT AFFECTED ME.
I GREW UP THINKING THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.
I CHRONICALLY ALWAYS THOUGHT
THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH
ME.
ME. THAT’S SOMETHING I’VE HAD TO
UNWIND AND UNRAVEL AND HEAL
FROM.
FROM. >> YOU CAN HAVE THE ISSUE BUT
STILL LEARN TO FORGIVE SO YOU
CAN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> ABSOLUTELY. WHEN YOU SEE THEM AS ANOTHER
PERSON LIKE YOU.
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN STORY.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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