Well, I'm sick
Actually, I am not just sick. I am very sick it seems
I may or may not have H1N1 also known as the swine flu
Just freaking lovely. I am therefore on drugs
But that doesn't mean I cannot therefore make a review.
I apologize for the computerized voice
That's being used here
But if I recorded my own voice you would probably call for gandalf to send my hellbeast back to whence it came
Forever cast back into the dark Oblivion
hum
Now that I think about it,
this voice sounds like a cheap voice actor from an even cheaper English dubbed Japanese anime.
excuse me while I get a sex change
[zipper zipping]
Ah!
That is better. I think.
Oh well, on to this first review as the female Lazy Gamer Reviewer
[Distorted LGR theme plays]
Donkey Kong Freaking Country
Every time I'm sick. I feel myself craving this game
You know how some people have comfort food or comfort items or comfort comfort?
Well, I have DKC as my comfort game.
It Just make me feel good. Oh so good
Oh, yes
Give it to me
[Random gibberish]
enough text-To-speech abuse
Ahem, everybody knows the game, but here is a review
and if you don't know it
I pity you more than you should pity my sick self
Donkey Kong country of course started out with the character donkey Kong from the game Donkey Kong in the year of our donkey Kong
1981
Nintendo then made approximately
666 versions of the Game until it was a game about bug spray until RareWare
Previously known as Ultimate Play The Game, a UK developer of awesome created Donkey Kong Country in
1994 for the Super Fraggin Nintendo!
I remember when I first saw the game,
I Probably would have creamed my pants if I were capable,
I was at a friend's grandmother's house, and she had a Super Nintendo
Yes, his grandmother's snes his grandmother's donkey Kong
She was an old lady game Collector and was awesome as balls
Anyways, the graphics to the game blew me the hex away
the SGi Development Solution Rare used gave the game
A never-Before-seen look that made the game seem 3D while still remaining 2D
And what a 2-D game it was
and still is and
forever will be amen
DKC is very close to being my favourite platformer game ever
Though I played much more Commander Keen and Duke Nukem back in the Dizzle
I always come back to Donkey Kong F'ing Country fo' heasel
Especially when I'm sick, like now with the stupid stupid stupid swine flu
Let's start with the basics.
The game is a standard side-scrolling platformer game
You play Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong on their epic quest to recollect all of their lost bananas
That sounds ridiculous, and it is because it is the 90s
and there is time for Klax
What makes the game so dadgum awesome is the fact that there is almost nothing to it?
it is so impressively simple that even a kid can play it
But it's so solid and functional and not to mention straight-up fun that any adult can enjoy it
Come to think of it. I know of more adults that like the Donkey Kong games than I do kids
even back in 1994
That's not to say it is an adult game per se.
That would be disturbing as crap
Aside from the simple and enjoyable gameplay
the game also gives you plenty of incentive to explore and replay the game
I have played through the game countless times and can usually do so in much less than an hour
and then I start right back over
Every time I find some new secret
and the reason is because there are literally tons of secrets
I Swear if you could measure secrets they would measure in the tons
or at least in the butt-loads
Many levels you can basically skip right through if you want
due to the myriad secret barrels and passageways
I love the stupid game, but only because it loves me back so much harder
the only problems I have what the game is that it doesn't make me bacon sandwiches and give my dog a bath
I don't even have a dog so I guess that's a good thing
but the bacon would be nice
As would some Tang
Omnomnom
Donkey Kong Freakin country is the best freaking platformer freaking game on the super freaking
Nintendo entertainment system and is almost the best
platformer of all friggin time
I am serious
[Glitchy serious voice overs]
No other game in the genre has kept me entertained as long as this one has and still manages to stay exciting even after
Playing through it for the Millionth time
The second and third games were pretty good, too
But they started to get too complicated, and you couldn't match the perfect balance between Diddy and Donkey with those other new Characters
I just didn't like them as much
As Far as platform games go, DKC gets my rocks off like nothing else
and it makes me feel better
Daggone it!
Now if you will excuse me, I feel like dying