- [Voiceover] Come on, come on, come on.
This is, is this insane?
How could this not be working?
This is a new car, what--
- Hey, good morning!
- [Woman] Hey, good morning! - [Man] How you doing?
- [Woman] I'm good, have a good one.
[Voiceover] I just wanna go to bed.
(upbeat instrumental music)
How am I gonna get the money to pay for my car?
Maybe I'll ask my parents.
Oh, God, this guy.
- [Man] Hey, what's up?
- Hey!
- [Man] You walk today?
- Yeah.
- That's good exercise.
- It is, my calves are burning.
[Voiceover] (sigh) You don't know anything about my life.
(crack and groaning)
How does an ankle move like tha--
- Cute strut, girl.
- [Voiceover] Who is that guy?
- [Man] Allison, I need to talk to you
about showing up late today.
You know, it's really important that
everybody just be on the same page.
- [Voiceover] Hope you're happy with yourself,
Allison, you real (bleep) up.
- Look, Allison's talking to the big boss.
- Yeah, I bet she's gettin' that promotion.
- People have been saying things? Like...
- I mean, I'm not gonna name any
- [Man] names about this. - [Allison] Okay, yeah.
[Voiceover] Are you happy, Allison?
Everyone hates you.
- She deserves it.
- Totally.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- He's Facebook official with this bitch?
He wouldn't even tag me in a photo,
what is she--she's so pretty.
- What's so funny?
- Oh, it's this really silly video about monkeys.
It's bonobos, so they just, like,
make love all the time and never fight.
- Oh, those are the ones with the big butts.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, thank you so much.
- [Woman] Who was that?
- Oh, I'm getting a new apartment.
- Oh, cool, that's so awesome.
Where you moving to?
- Uh, like a little further west.
- That's great.
- [Voiceover] (crying) My roommate kicked me out.
The west side's awful.
Yeah, it'll be good.
- Yeah, this is gonna take all afternoon.
- Really?
[Voiceover] Of course I broke my computer.
I'm never gonna get my work done.
Hope you're happy with yourself.
(crying)
- Is Allison sunbathing?
- I think so.
- It's kinda badass, right?
- [Man] Yeah.
Go, Allison!
- No kidding.
- [Voiceover] I'm gonna get fired.
Oh, hi.
Oh, this is the end.
My mom is so mad at me right now.
Why am I such a terrible daughter?
- Ooh, who's that?
- It's just my mom.
[Voiceover] My mom is obsessed with me
and I can't stand her.
(crying) This tastes bad.
- [Man] Hey, how's your day goin'?
- I'm having the worst day of my life.
- I know, the coffee machine's broken again.
It always does this.
- I know, that's the worst. (laughs awkwardly)
[Voiceover] (crying) I wish I was blonde.
(upbeat instrumental music)