Translator: Belinda Spiteri Reviewer: Denise RQ
Joe Iconis: Listen, we're going to do a couple of moments from this show.
It is a musical that takes place in a New Jersey High School,
and it's about this kid, Jeremy Heere, who is going to be played by Will.
And Jeremy is just like the least special kid of all time.
There is nothing remarkable about him.
He's not even special enough to be a loser.
He's just the most normal, could-not-be-more-average,
unsparkly kid of all time.
And the show is about what happens to him,
when some technology intersects with his life.
But what we're going to do first is give you a taste of the opening number.
Now, the opening number is a really long song.
It involves a million actors, and we obviously don't have that today.
So Will's going to play Jeremy and then Eric and I will play the kids at school.
So this is a taste of this number, this is how the show opens.
The curtain rises and we see Jeremy at his computer really into something.
Clearly something important is going on.
He's staring at his computer, and this is what happens.
(Piano music)
Will Connolly: ♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ I'm waiting for my porno to load ♪
♪ My brain is going to freakin' explode ♪
♪ Now, of course it's time to hit the road ♪
♪ Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day ♪
♪ That really isn't such a change ♪
♪ If I'm not feeling weird or super strange ♪
♪ My life would be in utter disarray ♪
♪ 'Cuz freaking out is my OK ♪
♪ Good morning, time to start the day ♪
♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ Should I take a bus or walk instead? ♪
♪ I feel my stomach filling up with dread ♪
♪ When I get nervous my whole face goes red ♪
♪ To weigh the options calmly and be still ♪
♪ The junior on the bus is killer weak ♪
♪ But if I walk when I arrive, I'm going to straight-up reek ♪
♪ And my boxers will be bunchy, and my pits will leak ♪
♪ Ugh, God I wish I had the skill ♪
♪ To just be fine, and cool, and chill ♪
♪ I don't wanna to be a hero ♪
♪ Just wanna stay in the line ♪
♪ I'll never be a Rob De Niro ♪
♪ For me Joe Pesci is fine ♪
♪ And so I follow my own rules, and I use them as my tools ♪
♪ To stay alive ♪
♪ I don't wanna be special, no, no ♪
♪ I just wanna survive ♪
EWM & WC & JI: ♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
WC: ♪ I'm never gonna be the cool guy ♪
♪ I'm more the one whose left out ♪
♪ Of all the characters at school ♪
♪ I am not the one who the story's about ♪
♪ Why can't someone just help me out? ♪
♪ And teach me how to thrive? ♪
♪ Help me to more than survive ♪
EWM & ji: ♪ A-a-a-ah-a-ah-a-ah-ah ♪
WC: ♪ More than survive ♪
EWM & JI: ♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah ♪
WC: ♪ More than survive ♪
EWM &JI: ♪ Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah ♪
WC: ♪ If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips ♪
♪ In how to stay alive ♪
♪ But since the zombie army is yet to descend ♪
♪ And the period is going to end ♪
♪ I'm just trying my best to pass the test ♪
♪ And survive ♪
EWM & JI: ♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
(Applause)
JI: Thanks.
(Applause)
Thanks guys.
How's the balance by the way?
Can we hear words, can we hear the piano? Everything OK?
Great! Sweet! So, that's the opening. Obviously, Jeremy's not in a good place.
Basically what happens is Jeremy finds out that there are these things,
called squips - that's squip, rhymes with quip -
and a squip is this tiny super computer that's made in Japan, naturally,
and this super computer is put inside a pill,
and he finds out that teenagers all over New Jersey are taking this pill, the squip
and the super computer implants in their brain
and then it tells them what do.
It tells them how to behave.
So Jeremy hears about this, and he goes to the Menlo Park Mall,
to illicitly buy a squip
in the back of a Pay-Less Shoe Store obviously,
which is where you buy things.
And you're going to see a little bit of what happens
when Jeremy gets his squip,
and decides to take it in the middle of the mall.
This is what happens.
(Piano music)
EWM: (Gasps) Accessing neural memory.
Accessing muscle memory.
Access procedure: complete.
Jeremy Heere!
Welcome to Squip 2.0.
WC: You look like Keanu Reeves.
EWM: My default mode.
You can also set me for Sean Connery.
Jack Nicholson.
Sexy anime female. (Giggles)
WC: No, Keanu's pretty good.
Can everyone see you?
EWM: I exist only in your mind, all they can see is you.
Having an animated conversation with yourself.
So don't do that.
Just think at me. Like you're telepathic.
WC: Like in X-men?
EWM: I can see this is going to be difficult.
Some squips only have to memorize numbers or overcome a stuttering problem.
You, however, are going to require a complete behavioral overhaul.
You want to be more 'chill'.
WC: You mean cool.
EWM: I do not. (Laughter)
We only use squip approved vernacular.
Now, The change that you desire is going to be complex,
and implementing it will be hard.
But it is also simple.
Human social activity is governed by certain rules.
I have the processing capacity to understand those rules,
and pass them on to you.
♪ Take your hands out of your pockets ♪
♪ Arch your back, puff out your chest ♪
♪ Add some swagger to your gait Or you'll look like a masterbat-or ♪
♪ Fix your posture, then the rest ♪
WC: But I am a masterbat -
EWM: We'll fix that.
♪ All your nerdiness is ugly ♪
♪ All your stammering's a chore ♪
♪ Every lame characteristic Makes you come off as autistic ♪
♪ We'll fix your vibe and then some more ♪
♪ Oo-ooo-ooh-everything about you is so terrible ♪
♪ Oo-ooo-ooh. everything about you makes me wanna die ♪
WC: Jesus!
♪ So don't freak out, don't resist ♪
♪ And have no doubt, if I assist ♪
♪ You wi-i-i-i-ll be more chill ♪
WC: Ouch! Jeez, did you just shock me?
EWM: Spinal stimulation, you were slouching.
WC: I feel gay.
EWM: I should be so lucky.
If you were, this would be a whole lot easier.
♪ First things first, go buy a new shirt ♪
WC: What? Wait! What's wrong with my shirt?
EWM: ♪ It's better if you just comply ♪
♪ My job's to color your aesthetic and make you seem much less pathetic ♪
♪ So step and fetch, don't ask me why ♪
Pick that one.
WC: It has a picture of Eminem on it.
EWM: If you're so astute, what do you need me for?
Look, Jeremy, if this is going to work, you can't just listen to me.
You have to obey. Now repeat after me.
♪ Oo-ooo-ooh everything about you is so terrible. ♪
WC: ♪ Everything about me is just terrible ♪
EWM: Good.
♪ Oo-ooh everything about you makes me wanna die ♪
WC: ♪ Everything about me makes me wanna die ♪
EWM: Now you've got it.
♪ But Jeremy ♪
♪ Soon you'll see ♪
♪ That if you listen to me ♪
♪ Listen to me ♪
♪ Then everything about you is going to be wonderful ♪
JI: ♪ We love everything about you ♪
EWM: ♪ Everything about you is going to be so alive ♪
JI: ♪ We could never live without you ♪
EWM: ♪ You won't feel left out or unsure ♪
♪ You won't be ugly any more ♪
♪ Because everything about you is going to be cool ♪
♪ And powerful ♪
♪ And popular ♪
♪ Incredible ♪
♪ You will ♪
WC: ♪ Be more chill ♪
Chill.
EWM: ♪ Be more chill ♪
EWM & WC & JI: ♪ Be more chill ♪
♪ Be more chill ♪
(Applause)
JI: Thanks guys.