It is Saturday and today we are all gonna get to be gay together because the topic is
gay FTMs. You don't have to be gay with me, but you can be. No you can't, I'm taken. I'm
really glad we're doing this topic, I think it's a great and important topic and in my
video I'm going to target 3 main groups. Group number one: Gay FTMs. Group number 2: Gay
Cis Men. Group number 3: Everyone who's not an FTM. So, by three main groups I mean anyone
with a pulse sooo.. So for people who are not trans, they have this interesting way
of describing the FTM phenomenon. A lesbian who takes it one step too far. The most lesbian
to ever lesbian. So lesbian that they're turning into a man. And when I hear this kind of explanation
of an FTM I just wonder, at what point will they realize that they could be explaining
to a gay man that they're actually a lesbian. Do you realize how crazy that sounds? "Yeaaa,
you're not really a man who likes men, you're actually probably just a woman who likes women."
That's... Uh.. Logic. See, yea, on one hand it does complicate the whole coming out process
if you're a gay FTM. Somehow that's hard for people to process. They're like "Ahhh why
are turning into a man if you still like men mehrhhemem" That's probably what all of your
relatives sound like. But at the same time I feel like being a gay FTM or just the existence
of gay FTMs kinda helps cis people understand that "trans" is an actual thing. It's not
just like a hyper sexuality, it's something separate because if anyone raises their eyebrow
at the existence of a gay trans person, then they haven't fully grasped the idea behind
sexuality and gender being two separate entities. Are they entities? What's an entity? Regardless,
they have more learning to do if they don't understand how a gay FTM exists or works or
whatever. It is true that gay FTMs could have made the decision in their life to live entirely
as a straight woman. That would have been super easy, I could have saved tens of thousands
of dollars, a lot of weird looks and a lot of explanation but it's not worth that. And
if I'm willing to spend all of that money that I spent to get to where I am now, what
makes people thing that just the mere fact that I could have been heterosexual in society
is enough to sway me into not being a man which is what I am soo.. And if you really
think about it, you're never doing yourself any favors if you choose to live as a straight
woman when you actually feel like a gay man. That doesn't make your life easier, that doesn't
make you happier, that will not help you as a person if that's not what you really are.
People need community, they need a space where they feel like they belong, and if you don't
even feel like you belong in you're own body, as your own person, you're not going to feel
like you belong in that culture or that community and gay male culture is such a powerful culture
and if you embrace gay as part of your identity that could be an incredible vital community
to be a part of. You are denying yourself community, you are denying yourself culture
by living as someone who you're not. That being said, gay male culture is extremely
scary. You might feel like you don't have the same experience or that you won't fit
in and that they won't like you because you're different but if you're a gay man, you're
a gay man. You fit in. All gay men are different. There's millions of different kinds of gay
men and they all fit into this same culture and that includes gay FTMs even if FTM is
a huge part of your identity, you still fit in with gay male culture somehow. You know
how many names there are for all the different kinds of gay men? Twink, bear, otter. There's
like, one million animals in the gay male community. If you're a man who likes men,
there's a place for you in that community if you want that community. It can be so good
for you. And the scariest thing for me trying to break into that culture- Not in a illegal
way, just like a.. Opening the doors to gay male culture way. The scariest part is thinking
that I might not belong because I don't have as much experience being a gay man as them
and that somehow that was going to make me an obvious outlier and I would not know what's
going on and they would just have all of the knowledge about gay men. And then it dawned
on me, and this is really important thing for any other gay ftms out there, that not
a single gay man has grown up with the experience of being gay man their entire life. You might
have more experience with that culture than most gay men, there are gay men who don't
come out until they're like, 90. For every gay dude who will say that you don't know
what it's like to be a gay man because blahblahblahblahblah trans, there is somebody just coming out,
just learning about gay culture and you're "ahead" of them and does that bother you?
It shouldn't because experience is not what makes you part of a community, it's just..
You're existence. The last thing that I wanted to talk about in this video, which I think
is probably, hands down, the most terrifying thing about being a gay FTM in a predominantly
cis world, is how a gay man is going to take a trans man as, you know, a possible partner.
especially with gay men, a lot of importance is place on, you know, a penis in a relationship.
Gay dudes talk about dicks a lot. And another thing they talk about a lot is vaginas, surprisingly
enough. They talk about how scary they are to them. For a gay FTM that is terrifying
because what if you can't find someone who will accept your body. And a lot of them might
push that aside instantly and say they're not willing to try that, they're not willing
to explore that, they'd rather just have, you know, a gay dude with a dick. I would
just like to let all other gay FTMs or FTMs who like men out there know that a huge percentage
of gay men are actually very very open to that. Either they know a lot about it, or
they have no idea what's going on but they're willing to try because they like you or they
like the way you look (depending on what you're looking for). My boyfriend, who is completely
new to the whole trans thing told me a story the other day and I asked him to repeat it
for this video so I could put it in it so maybe it will make you feel less nervous about
the big bad cis gay man. You're going to have to turn CC on because I did not physically
caption it, I captioned it inside YouTube so you have to turn CC on to know what he's
man because I still did not feel fully comfortable with the idea that I was dating a trans man
dating Val, I asked Val if it was okay for me to tell my close friends that he's a trans
man because I still did not feel fully comfortable with the idea that I was dating a trans man
so I threw the idea around with my close friends to see how they felt and to confirm my feelings
for Val and to feel more comfortable with the whole idea. I also told my sister about
Val. That was 2 months ago. During Thanksgiving break I met with my sister and I explained
to her about what it means to be a trans man, how the whole dating thing works. Suddenly,
at that point, I realized that if never told my sister in the beginning of my and Val's
relationship 2 months ago, I probably would never tell her at this point because in the
beginning I just felt like I was dating a trans man but now I realize I'm dating a man
that I like. That's it. So the word "trans man" is not even in my mind. It's just something
that he is. That's it. It's not like if you were dating a guy, you'd feel like you'd need to
tell all you're friends, "Oh, wait, he's black". So "trans", that word, it's not really that
important. I'm dating Val and it should be that simple.