Settle down, fellas.
I'm here all night.
(audience laughs)
I mean, I drive the guys wild.
So, you know, what's so crazy.
Cause my brother like loves your show.
That's not crazy.
No, no.
That's good.
Wait I'm getting, I'm getting somewhere
and he's he's, you know, he,
now I feel like I've made it to him
because like he watches your monologue
and like all the crazy faces
and the up in the camera,
like he gets really excited about it.
Yeah.
And then he's probably going to turn it off
now that I'm on,
cause all he cares about is you and, but he's 12.
He's 12.
Yeah, that's what happens to me.
I can't tell you how often
I have people come up to me in the street.
They be like, oh, you know older woman coming to me,
my son loves you.
He thinks you're the best and be like,
well, thank you very much.
How old is he?
He's seven.
(audience laughs)
He loves when you dance around like a chimpanzee.
No he does.
He thinks it's the best.
He's like, oh my God.
He cracks up so,
Well I'm putting my college education to work
by hopping around like a maniac.
Well thank you for being here.
I'm glad you're here.
You flew out here, which is a big deal for you.
Cause you're,
Cause I hate flying.
You hate to fly?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like the worst,
but I'm getting better because you know, I gotta, I have to,
I mean, you know, we gotta fly, but I, you know,
try and talk to the pilots about like
what they did the night before.
And like, are you guys drunk?
Can you handle a plane today?
I bet they love that.
When you come barging into the cockpit,
You fellas been drinking?
First of all, when are you talking to the pilots?
Well because the thing is, you know,
when like a star requests, like first class,
cause she wants like big seats and all this.
I just want to be as close as I can to the pilot, you know?
So I can monitor what's going on.
But now, you know,
it's a little bit more secretive, but whatever.
You like to monitor what's going on?
Yeah, I like to feel like
I have like some sort of like control.
I don't know.
Right, right.
But, you ever think you're making the situation worse,
that you're distracting the pilots?
They're trying to bring the plane down
and you're like, look, it's Elisha Cuthbert.
No, no, no.
It makes me feel more confident.
Like if they look like they know what they're doing
and everything's cool and like,
oh I have nothing to worry about.
But if like, they're like, oh, what was that?
I'm like (gasps) like I freak out.
Yeah, I don't like it when the pilot says,
Ooh, what was that either.
No, exactly.
My wife got really mad at me
cause we flew like a week ago,
and just before the plane took off,
the pilot just walked down the aisle and said,
Hello everybody, I'm the pilot.
He was like this good looking guy in his fifties.
And he came up and was like, cause you know,
take care everybody.
My 11 year old loves you.
And then he went back,
he went back into the cockpit
and I just turned to my wife
and I went, that man was clearly drunk.
(audience laughs)
And did you really think so?
I said, no I don't think so.
She's like don't joke about that.
I was like holding on to everything for dear life.
God, tell me he's not.
Do you do anything,
So some people that are afraid to fly have little,
Oh I have.
Rituals.
Yeah, I have all kinds of things.
I don't want to give them all away.
Cause if I do, then maybe they won't work anymore.
But like,
I'll give you like a couple cause I have like a hundred,
but like I have to walk on the plane
with my right foot first.
And like.
For the plane, you have to walk one right foot at a time.
I'm going to the bathroom.
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
I hop there.
No, I hop there.
No, you just get on the front.
Yeah.
No, I just, I just, as soon as I walk on,
I have to walk in with the right foot first
and then I'm like, okay, it's going to be good.
And then like, I don't know.
There's weird stuff when I can't,
you know, it's embarrassing.
It's all ways to just try and get control.
You know that.
Just to feel like you're in control of a situation.
Yeah, it's sick isn't it?
That's not sick.
I think it's very human.
I love you.
Now let's talk about this movie.
In this movie, you're playing a former porn star.
So to prepare for this,
you actually studied magazines, like Hustler, Playboy.
Things like that.
No, I didn't study them.
I was kind of just,
Oh, I thought we had something in common.
(audience laughs)
Cause I've studied them.
I was, you know, who's like Miss April.
Oh, Yeah.
Brunette.
I think she actually is because I was, you know,
to set a look for, you know, the former porn star,
cause she kind of comes in and out of the film,
but you kind of get numb to it though, don't you?
No.
Really?
(audience laughs)
Not yet.
And I'm getting up there.
(audience applauds)
There's no numbness.
See that's the thing, is that
(audience applauds)
You can see as many boobs and it never gets old.
This is the sad thing about men
and I'm going to be honest here
is that I think women can get numb to these things,
but men, I'll be 90.
And if the nurse like shows me,
I'll be like, boobie.
That's sad.
I guess cause I see my own every morning.
I don't really, you know, whatever.
It's different.
I don't look at my body and go, hey, hey, hey.
Well, no one does.
But anyway,
(audience laughs)
the point is,
the point is.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, no, I, yeah.
You also to get this part,
you kind of had to convince the director
that you'd be able to do it, that you.
Well, cause first of all, I,
anyone who's close to me knows that like
on my everyday life, I'm not, I don't wear makeup.
I don't dress up, you know, high heels, whatever, you know?
And so I walked into the meeting
and obviously had to kind of convince the director
that I could be like this hot,
you know, girl, next door slash former porn star.
And here I am like looking like a bum off the street,
but I had like Polaroids of like FHM in my pocket.
And I was like, look, I can actually look good.
I promise.
The shoot that you had done where you were.
I was like all,
like I had fake like hair extensions
and like some little bikini thing.
And I was like, look, it gets possible.
Did he take those photos?
Did you get them back?
I did.
Actually, no I did.
I did get them back, but it helps because then he, you know,
he was like, wow, that's great.
You can see what you're,
Well we have a clip here from the movie.
What do we need to know to appreciate what's happening here?
Well, you just have to watch to appreciate, I think.
Wow, that is a great, no, I'm going to say,
I hear a lot of setups and I love that
cause a lot of people go like, well,
okay, here's what you have to know.
There's a scientist in medieval France.
And then he gets in a time machine.
And he goes to the future and he makes a giant eclair.
No this is very straightforward.
Everyone.
This is what people want.
People want
Everyone is going to enjoy it, I think.
Learn celebrities.
Just say, take a look at the clip, right?
And that's all people want to see.
Yeah, roll it.
Roll it.
(doorbell rings)
I'm all wet, can I come in?
Hey guys, this is Danielle.
You must be Eli and Clicks, right?
Ay come on, we're all going out.
Can I use your bathroom first?
Oh, it's over here to the left.
Dude.
I know.
Dude.
I know.
(audience cheers)
You're right it's a good clip.
I don't know how to set that up.
You don't need to set it up.
You're right.
Yeah.
It's just the way, yeah.
The nerdy kid on the left with the bowl haircut
that could have been me in high school.
It looks like me right now.
I got the cute little,
No, it doesn't.
The girl next door opens on Friday.
24, which everyone always on people's lists
of like best show, 24,
airs Tuesdays at 9:00 PM on Fox.
It was your first time.
It was great having you here.
Elisha Cuthbert, everybody.