[MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo, Juneteenth was yesterday.
Oh boy.
And Congress celebrated by arguing about reparations.
A House subcommittee--
(SCREAMING) My nigga Maurice DuBois, yeah!
Gang, gang! [LAUGHTER]
You know what I'm saying?
You know what it is, DuBois Hive, ah, ah, ah.
The DuBoys.
[LAUGHTER]
Know what I'm saying?
It's just him and Mero.
[LAUGHTER]
A House subcommittee held a hearing today
on whether to set up a commission
to study paying reparations to the descendants
of Americans who were enslaved.
REPORTER: Supporters packed the hearing room,
making their opinions known.
The reason for that-- listen, wait a minute.
[BOOING]
He said, hold on, wait a minute.
Y'all thought I was finished.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, white guy with a side part is against reparations?
Wow, I'm very surprised.
Wait, were all black people supposed to come to this shit?
[LAUGHTER]
That totally is packed!
I just can't get--
I gotta go check my email, that shit's in my spam folder,
I'm like, fuck!
Oh shit.
Damn!
I asked my boss for the day off
to take care of family business.
And I got on a plane in two days and flew to Washington, DC.
You know that boss was under pressure.
He was like, ah, you want to go to the reparations hearing?
Oh, all right.
Oh, you do what you want to do.
Sure.
I am an ally.
Listen, Rhonda, do you.
[LAUGHTER]
REPORTER: The concept of paying reparations dates back
to post Civil War, when the government
promised but never delivered 40 acres and a mule
to former slaves.
That'd be kind of fucked up if the government
started giving us mules now.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm like, I have it in my bedroom--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
--kicking over my sneakers and shit.
I can put--
Yo, Ned, stop!
Stop, yo.
Like, what do I feed this nigga?
I'm feeding him like, chopped cheese and shit.
MERO: I can't put rims on this shit.
Oh.
MERO: Fuck!
Your Uber driver pick you up on a mule and shit, like oh.
[LAUGHTER]
It's the Uber pool, sir.
Uber Mule.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, explain this joke to me.
Is Uber Mule Uber Pool for mules or is it
an Uber Pool on a mule?
Uber Pool on a mule.
Cause I'm thinking now it's like four mules in there,
and everyone's like, yo don't talk to me.
Yo, stop talking, bro.
I got my mule pods, yo.
That's a clear sign.
Wait, OK, I get the Uber Mule.
Mule pods?
[LAUGHTER]
You can't just be throwing mule in front of everything, bro.
Also, you missed the chance to make a Mueller report joke.
[GROANING]
That's right, no kids, I can still make a dad joke.
What's up?
[LAUGHTER]
REPORTER: Most Republicans oppose
reparations, including Senate majority
leader, Mitch McConnell.
Wow, I'm shocked.
Wow!
Oh wow, I'm very surprised at this.
Mitch McConnell's like, you people already have
rhythm, what more do you want?
What more do you want?
[LAUGHTER]
We gave up all the seasoning to you.
What more do you-- all I eat is lettuce leaves.
[LAUGHTER]
You know what's great?
We make that joke about white people don't have a top lip.
He has negative top lip.
MERO: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
DESUS: Like he physically could not drink soup.
MERO: Yeah, nah.
He would drown in that shit.
That's a beak.
He uses that shit to like, crack nuts and shit.
[LAUGHTER]
He's a tortoise, dog!
You know what I'm saying?
I don't think reparations for something that happened
150 years ago for whom--
How do you know the exact date, though?
Wow. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
Yeah, he got that shit marked on his Rolodex.
I remember that day.
He's like, listen--
We were sad.
--as a 193-year-old tortoise, I
can tell you that I was there.
Some studies estimate that paying for reparations
could cost up to $6 trillion over several years.
We got that, though, right?
MERO: Yeah.
[MUSIC PLAYING]