Every breakup comes with negative emotions but they’re even worse when you can’t stop
thinking about your ex. Maybe you’re stuck thinking about what went wrong.
Maybe you keep being reminded of them and how much you miss them. Either way,
these thoughts are making things much worse than they have to be.
In this video I’ll explain to you how you can stop obsessing over your ex and clear your mind so that
you can focus on what’s really important. This advice will work if you’re trying to move on with
your life but it’s even more important if you’re trying to get your ex back and I’ll explain why.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, the so-called Ex Back Geek. I’m the author of the Ex Factor and a breakup
coach for over ten years now so I know a thing or two about breakups and how to win back your ex.
So let’s get into it. If you’re just trying to move on, it’s obvious why you’d like to
put your ex out of your mind, but what if you want them back? Isn’t it necessary to
keep thinking about them? How can you expect to get them back without obsessing over them? Well
the truth is that, while you will need to put some thought into getting your ex back,
continuing to focus on them this intensely is only going to hurt your chances for two reasons.
One, it damages your mental state. If you want your ex back, you want to be the best
version of yourself possible. If you’re obsessing over anything, whatever it is,
you’re going to neglect other parts of your life and this is going to take its toll.
Two, it puts too much pressure on the relationship. Even if you don’t
talk to your ex at all, if you spend all your time thinking about them,
they’re going to feel it when the time comes to reconnect. You won’t be able to
play it cool which is so important if you want to win your ex back.
So with that out of the way,
let’s talk about what you can do right now to get your ex off your mind.
Go No Contact
The first step when you’re trying to get someone off your mind is to get them out of your face.
First you have to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. Return their favorite hoodie,
take down pictures you have of them and stop listening to that one song… you know the one.
If there are things that you know you want to keep, box them up and put them in the back of
the closet. This process is hard enough without being surrounded by memories of your breakup.
Then you need to do the hardest part: cut contact with your ex. I know you’re not ready to let
go yet. I know you may feel you have very good reasons to keep them in your life. But this step
is essential if you want your ex back and it’s necessary if you want to stop obsessing over them.
If you maintain contact with your ex following a breakup you’re asking for
trouble. Not only are you preventing yourself and your ex from processing
the breakup in the short term (which is going to hurt your chances in the long run), you’re
also risking more fighting and hurt feelings. And here’s the one thing people don’t realize:
when you stay in contact with your ex after a breakup, you’re actually helping them to move on.
This is because you’re showing them that the breakup doesn’t actually change much about
their life. They still get to see you whenever they want. They can still turn to you for help,
a shoulder to cry on, and even love and sex if they want it. This kind of support is
what they need to get them through this difficult breakup and once they’re in a
better head space, they’re going to cut contact with you and find someone new.
This is why you need to cut contact completely. Don’t give them the support they need. Make them
live with their decision to leave you. Make them see how difficult it will be without you
in their life. If you can do this, then pretty soon they’ll be the one obsessing over you.
Cutting them off has the added benefit of helping you to stop obsessing over your ex. Of course,
with them out of your presence you’ll be able to more effectively put them out of your mind,
but more than that… since you made the decision to cut them out, you’re the one moving forward
and making decisions. This will show you that you do have control over your life
and help you gain back some of the control you lost when you broke up. It’s going to be
difficult but trust me when I say that you’ll get over this more quickly than you think
and you’ll be shocked at how clearly you’ll think after just a few weeks of no contact.
So what does this look like? Well it means you can’t keep seeing your ex,
obviously. It also means you can’t communicate with them in any way. You
don’t have to go nuclear and block them on every platform and move to another country
or anything. Just stop engaging with them. If they really push it, tell them that you
need some space and that you don’t want to talk to them. Don’t feel guilty about
this. They decided to end the relationship. You’re just giving them what they asked for.
If you’ve been on my channel before you know that
this is called the No Contact Method. It’s the best way to get your ex back,
period. If you want a more detailed explanation of why it works and how you can implement it,
head on over to BreakupBrad.com after this video and check out my full free video presentation
there. I explain in more detail HOW the No Contact Method rewires your ex’s brain and makes
them want you back like no amount of apologies and begging ever could. That’s BreakupBrad.com.
Distract Yourself
Now that you’ve cut contact with your ex, you need to get your mind on something else or you’re
just going to keep returning to thoughts of the breakup. For the first week or so,
find distractions wherever you can. This can mean going to the gym,
reconnecting with friends and family, diving headlong into work or school,
or really anything that makes you feel good and occupies your thoughts.
After the first week has passed, you need to start taking concrete action if you really
want to keep your mind off your ex. This means setting goals and working
towards them. Momentary distractions are great but true, fundamental life change is
going to be much more powerful when it comes to changing the neural pathways in your brain.
I can’t tell you what exactly you should do but I do know that as soon as I started
talking about improving your life you started to think about that one goal that you’ve always
wanted to achieve but never had the time or the will to accomplish. Now is the best time to make
it happen. After just about any breakup, you’re going to have more time on your hands than you
did before. Use this to your benefit and put in the work to change your situation. Taking
steps forward in this way is going to get your mind off your ex faster than anything else.
Once you’ve started down this path, then you’ll be ready for the next step…
Start Dating Again
If you’re watching this video then you’re probably hurting so bad that you can’t even begin to think
about dating someone else but you need to if you want to stop thinking about your ex. The more time
you spend alone after a breakup, the easier it is to get caught in the loop of negative emotion
and obsessive thoughts. This is why I advocate for spending time with others after a breakup,
and while family and friends can really help you get your mind off your ex,
as long as you abstain from dating, you’ll never fully heal that wound.
So think of dating as a part of your journey to move on from the breakup. Even if you feel like
you’re not ready, there’s no harm in going out on a few dates just to get yourself back
into a better headspace. I know it’s going to be hard to take that first step but once
you get through this, you’ll be shocked at how much it will get your mind off your ex.
Dating others is so powerful because it puts your relationship into its proper context. When
you’re going through a breakup, your ex looms large in your mind. It can start to feel like
they’re the only person you’ve ever been with and if you can’t have them back then you’ll never be
happy again. Dating will help rid you of this idea. Sitting across from another interested,
single, attractive person who is trying to win your heart will help you realize that you do
have options and that your ex could easily become a footnote in your romantic history,
if you let them. While this may feel like moving on, if you still want your ex back, this newfound
perspective will help you with that too. Knowing that you have options will make you less needy and
obsessive over your ex which is going to make them more comfortable when you do decide to reach out.
If you’re struggling with this process, consider getting outside help. I offer
one-on-one coaching for those looking to win back their exes
over at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching. I work with you to create a custom
plan to win your ex back as quickly as possible. That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
That just about does it for this video folks. Before I go I want to ask you to
like this video and subscribe to my channel if this helped you at all. And while you’re here,
please leave a comment if you have any tips for getting your mind off
of an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you in my next video.