Riley: We may make this LOOK easy...
Jory: And trust us- it IS!
Jon: You still shouldn't try it at home, though.
Whatchu know about "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
And I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain. Hey, let me ask you something- are you a man?
Jon: Yes.
Riley: I mean, a REAL man?
Jon: Yeah, I just said that.
Riley: Say, "HELL, yeah!"
Jon: HELL, yeah!
Riley: Then you LOVE bacon! Tell me you love bacon!
Jon: I love bacon!
Riley: Then you're gonna add bacon to EVERYTHING, like your microwave!
Jon: Oh, yeah!
Jory: Add bacon strips!
Riley: You wanna add bacon strips to YOUR microwave, don't you, Jory?
Jory: Add bacon strips!
Riley: Do you wanna see a microwave strip FOR you, baby?
Jory: Yeah, I do!
Riley: I REALLY like you!
Riley: BACON, in the microwave!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory and Jon: WHOA!
Jory: You got that on camera, right?
Riley: I don't trust this bitch!
Jon: Are you out of your mind?!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!
Jon: YEAH!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Jory: Let's find out! Here at the...
Jory and Riley: ...Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory 3.5, safety is our #1 concern.
Jory and Riley: That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts!
*Jory and Riley both take a deep breath*
Jory: We also have a fan to... (coughs) Air or somethin'! I don't know!
Riley: Who's THIS?!
Jory: And the new microwave. It's an Emerson microwave. It's Emily!
Riley: Emily- 900 watts!
Jory: And look- bacon! Bacon, 900 watts! So...
Riley: Alright! (reading Emily's label) "For service, please e-mail us at Internet@EmersonRadio.com."
Jon: I worked on Emerson Radio!
Jory: (to Riley) What was that thing?
Jory: How long should we put it in there for?
Riley: What year did you graduate, Jon?
Jon: Twenty-oh-eight.
Jory: Uh, let's do...
Jon: Put it in there for 8:08, then. Sounds good to me! Let's do it!
*sizzling bacon in frying pan*
*Jory starts Emily*
Jon: Add bacon strips!
Riley: Add bacon strips!
Jory: Ooh! Look at that hole!
Riley: Nice and warm!
Jory: Maple-flavored.
Riley: My meat's gonna explode in her!
*Jory and Riley laugh*
Jory: I have a meat log!
Jory: NO meat is better than bacon- fact!
Jon: If you don't like bacon, there's something wrong with you!
Jory: Best memories involving bacon- go!
Jon: I had, like, some maple wood-smoked bacon and turkey one Thanksgiving. It was pretty much the greatest thing I've ever eaten.
Jory: First time I had sex- bacon! (to Riley) Go!
Riley: This is gonna smell, yeah?
Jon: I hope it smells like bacon. If it smells like bacon, I have no problem with it smelling.
Jory: It's probably gonna smell like burnt plastic, too.
Jon: Shut your face! Let me have this moment!
Jory: But you need to do that to retain the juices. Bacon is, like, a certain portion of the pig. Do humans have a certain portion that's kinda like human bacon?
Jon: Definitely the thighs, dude.
Jory: Is it the thighs?
Jon: Definitely.
Jory: Where is bacon on a pig? It has to be, like, the fattiest rump part.
Jory: Oh, oh!
Riley: There's the smoked part. Oh! The bag is very large, I know.
Jory: Kinda like me?
Jory: (singing) "Backbeat, the word is on the street..."
Jory and Riley: (singing) "...that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt."
Jory and Riley: (singing) I wanna eat some bacon strips. Get them in my mouth!
Jory: (singing) Or else I'll die! Nothing in the world tastes better than bacon strips!
Riley: Bacon strips, yeah!
Jory: (singing) I want to take my cock out and let it have a dip!
Riley: Take my cock out!
Jory: (singing) And bacon grease!
Riley: Grease, grease!
Jory: (singing) It burns a lot!
Riley: Burns a lot, like pee!
Jory: (singing) Because maybe...
Riley: Maybe!
Jory: (singing) ...the hickory's gonna be the one that saves me!
Riley: Or give you a heart attack!
Jory: (singing) And maple after all! I'll drizzle it on my balls!
*Riley laughs hard*
Riley: Can you just imagine that?
*Riley gives squeal while pantomiming fake "drizzling"*
Jon: Pretty good ad-libbin' there, Jory. Maybe you have a career someday as being a terrible singer.
Jon: I really should take all of the musical clips we've ever done and release an album of the greatest, uh, ad-lib songs!
Jory: We should come up with some more, then!
Riley: With 30 songs spewed over six CDs!
Jon: None of which are played in their entirety!
*Riley laughs*
Jory: What's a current song that we can parody right now?
Riley and Jory: (singing to tune of Justin Bieber's "Baby") Bacon, bacon, bacon...
Jory: (still singing) ...strips! I like bacon...
Riley: No, I was thinking... No! No, no, no, no, no! It's like...
Jon: Guys, don't get ahead of yourself. We're not microwaving Bieber for a couple episodes.
Jon: Alright, guys, four seconds left, uh...
Jory: 'Til the best-tasting thing of your life!
Jon: Smells like breakfast, guys!
Jon: Ooh! Look at that steam comin' off!
Jory: It kind of just smells like maple syrup. They aren't done yet, though. Let's open it up!
Riley: I'M not eating it!
Jory: I will! A little bit... I like my bacon rubbery.
Jon: Oh, that's... Drip that bacon grease on to that mannequin head.
Jory: (to Riley) Don't pour it out at once...
Jory: Quick poll in the comments- do you like your bacon crispy or undercooked?
Riley: Jory, grab the thing, so I can...
Jon: Definitely crispy, dude!
Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like that, babe?
*Jon gives disgusted laugh*
Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like it? (moans)
Jon: I like it dripped all over my head, boiling hot!
*Riley chuckles*
Jory: Oh, I need to open it!
*Riley gives perverted giggle*
Jory: I need to get it in my mouth!
*Riley laughs*
Jory: (at hot bacon) Aw, [beep] you! Aw, [beep]! [Beep] me! AW!
Jory: Cook it, cook it! Snort it!
Jory: Cook it! Cook that [beep]!
Jory: (excitedly) AW! Hear that pop and sizzle! Cook it more!
Jory: Aw, yeah! Imagine how my fingers feel! Mmm!
Jory: When it's burnt with a lighter, it does not taste good!
Riley: (laughing) It doesn't have that same bacon-y taste?
Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a pack of bacon? No!
*Jory burps*
Jory: Aw! It's starting to kill me! (to Riley) You take over.
Riley: Well, that's about all the time we have for "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Riley: This is Jory Caron. He now has food poisoning.
I'm Riley McIlwain, the sidekick. Jonny Paula's on the camera.
Jory: I think it's gonna come out of my butt already!
*end credits play*
Riley: (to Jory) You want the bacon? Want the bacon?
Riley: Take it, take it, take it!
Jory: I'm takin' the bacon!
Jon: This video has become sexual within five seconds!
Riley: Yeah!
*Click on episode #138 to see why Jackie makes the Twink-a-dee-dink smell like graham crackers and a bad day at Grandma's!*