Does it seem like all your relationships crash and burn? You could be picking out
people who are emotionally unavailable. Whether you're trying to find somebody
today or you're looking for a committed partner, today on Reaction Reset, I'm
going to give you eight warning signs that you're trying to date an emotionally
unavailable person.
Dating today is especially complex. I mean there's so many choices - swipe left
swipe right; when you are out with someone, you're always thinking, "Is there
something better or a better person around the corner? Someone else will
understand me more. Research has shown that the more choices you have in
relationships or the more dating experience you have, you're actually less happy in a
committed relationship. So today I'm going to try and help you identify people
or choices you make of people who aren't emotionally able to commit. The first one:
they don't like labels or they say they're not good at relationships. Do not
be trapped by this, okay? They're not being vulnerable or sweet. Don't feel bad
for them, don't think you can change them, don't make them a challenge. Take them at
their word! Trust your gut. They're telling you who
they are! Believe it. The second warning sign is they keep bringing up the past,
particularly past partners. When someone does this, they may be in the sense of a
rebound or they're working through issues or feelings they had with a past
partner. They're going to actually compare you to their past partner. This
person is not ready. The third warning sign is they flirt with everyone.
This one needs a lot of attention; they need to be the center of
attention. This person also is showing you that they're not really committed,
because a committed person may flirt sometimes but they're always going to make
you feel most special. Another sign is this person has a fixation on
control. So this person wants to date on their OWN terms, at their OWN place, in
their OWN time. Basically they're gonna put you in a box. You can identify these
people rather quickly if you watch how they handle when plans don't go as
planned or things happen that are messy or out of their control. People that are
like this - where they need a lot of control - usually will not
handle it well. These people are not going to be ready for a committed
relationship because they see you as an option - not someone they're ready to
commit to. Another sign is self-centeredness. These people
believe that the world is moving around them. If they see their world
like that - they're talking about themselves, bragging about themselves -
believe me they're going to think you revolve around them too. And you don't!
These people often have low self-esteem, and they don't feel good
about themselves, but they'll basically show you a different front.
They'll show you how successful they are; they'll actually tell you
how good-looking they are. Be aware of this type. A sixth sign is unreasonable
anger. These people aren't always up front with their anger. In fact, they may
appear very charming so you have to be careful when you see them act with
rage or uncontrolled anger. Don't shrug it off or make excuses for it.
This kind of a person needs help. A seventh sign is invasiveness. These
people try to go too fast. They basically break personal boundaries. They may ask
you about sex or finances way too soon. Agood example of this is if you're
dating someone for only one or two dates, and they're already wanting you to meet
their parents. These people are trying to validate themselves with a relationship.
The last warning sign is evasiveness - not to be confused with invasiveness. Evasive
people will not divulge any information they don't want to tell you about their
childhood, about what they did in school, or anything else. You cannot have a
healthy relationship if both partners aren't willing to be vulnerable. So if
you run into this, this is not going to be an emotionally available person.
It's a good rule of thumb to have solid standards but not unrealistic
expectations. Don't overanalyze everything your date says. It's much
better to listen to what they say and look for recurring
patterns in what they say. Always trust your gut.
Change a reaction, change your world.