Sara: The reaction when people hear that we have two trans kids is pretty shock and awe.
James: Before I had transitioned, I had like a piece missing to me and it just didn't feel right.
And I was nervous to tell my parents.
Olivia: Anyone can be whoever they want. And it doesn't matter what your opinion is.
Sara: We're not going to allow our kids to feel shame or fear. They deserve to feel loved and accepted.
Olivia: Being trans to describe it, it would mean you were born, the gender that you don't feel like in your heart.
James: Good morning.
Being Trans isn’t like weird, and it just means that you are biologically
the opposite gender a different gender than you are.
Sara: Okay. Olivia: I want breakfast guys.
Sara: You're hungry.
So you excited for the last week of school.
Olivia: Mmmh.
Sara: James graduation is on Friday.
Are you nervous about middle school? James: Yeah.
Sara: What are you most nervous about James?
James: I don't know, everything.
Sara: When James was eight years old, he asked to transition, which meant social transition,
which is not permanent.
He got to use he as and him for pronouns.
He then this past year, changed his name legally
and his gender markers legally.
James: Are friends coming?
Sara: Yeah, your friend is going to come over. I think he's coming over this afternoon.
It's going to be a hot day. James: Can we go to the pool.
Olivia: Yes please. Sara: No
maybe tomorrow.
James: I always have been a boy. But I started to realise it .
in first grade, when I told my mom I wanted to have my hair short,
and that I wanted to look less girly.
Sara: So James approached us in a casual way
by dropping hints. From the time he was seven until he was eight, he would say things like
I'm half boy, half girl, half gorilla.
And I would think you're not good at math. Like your mom.
Ben: I remember a time that he said to me, sometimes I feel like I'm a boy.
And at that point, I was, you know, trying to be a supportive parent
and said, yeah, I've got effeminate feelings. And I get that.
And that's okay to have feelings that are masculine, and feelings that are feminine.
Olivia: All done. James: Okay.
But the truth of the matter is, I was missing these clues, these breadcrumbs that were being dropped
around him kind of testing the water.
James: Before I had transitioned, I had like a piece missing to me
and it just didn't feel right.
And I was nervous to tell my parents.
Sara: Which one will you color? James: This one.
Sara: Which one? James: The tree house one.
Sara: I like that. James: When I told them
and they said that they accepted me. I was like, super happy.
Because I know a lot of trans kids don't have that.
And that's sad.
Sara: Who's the first person you told?
James: My best friend, no.
I told somebody who was my friend, but their parent is transphobic.
So I can't be friends with them. They said they agreed with their parents, but also agreed with me.
And honestly, if somebody like, does think
transphobic ways are okay, then I don't want to have a relationship with them.
Sara: He just now in a month ago, started hormone blockers.
It's an implant it is to prevent his puberty, it will prevent a menstruation cycle
and breast development, which would cause a lot of havoc mentally and physically for him if
he were to start developing those second sex characteristics.
Sara: Can you show me what the blocker looks like that’s implanted?
First show me in your arm where is it?
James: It's right there. Sara: Right there.
Can I feel it? Does it hurt?
James: It feels weird but it doesn’t hurt.
Sara: And what's the sample look like that you have?
James: It looks like this.
Sara: And he is counting down the days until he can start testosterone,
which would be the first time something permanent
would be happening. Because at that point, it would affect fertility.
If you use a blocker and go on to testosterone, your eggs would never mature.
You would have to go through female puberty for that, which is something you could do.
James: I could but I don't want to. Sara: Why?
James: Because it's uncomfortable.
Sara: What’s uncomfortable? James: To think of that.
I'm a guy. And it's like, if any other guy thought about being
a woman that's uncomfortable.
Sara: And you've always said you wanted to be a parent?
James: Yeah.
Sara: So what are you going to do about that?
If you can't have your own child?
James: Adopting like, is a great idea to me.
Sara: Do people ever wonder if you're too young to know if you're trans?
James: Yeah. And like, are they too young to know that they’re cis?
I transitioned first. So
I think that that helped Olivia see that it was okay to be trans.
Sara: That’s amazing is it bigger than yesterday's or is that?
Olivia: I think it's actually smaller.
James: That made it easier for her to come out and tell my parents
because she knew that they would be accepting.
Olivia: This is sunset it actually came with the name.
And this is Moonlight, it actually came with the name.
That happened twice.
Sara: Olivia said she was transgender from the age of four until five.
And we allowed her to wear whatever she wanted.
But she didn't socially transition until she was five years old
and entering kindergarten.
I would say that it was less shocking, because we had just had a child transition.
And we had just educated ourselves about gender.
A lot of people think that it must be a copycat situation
where the younger one’s just mimicking the older one,
thinking that the older one’s getting some kind of praise or feedback,
and they want the same attention.
Which makes sense, which is why we also hesitated in terms of jumping into another social transition.
But this is who she is. And this is where we are.
James: I reacted to Olivia transitioning like
most older siblings would. Which is kind of like, but really, even though I'm trans.
I got a little defensive because I thought it was my thing. But now I saw and still see
that Olivia is a girl and that she always will be a girl.
Olivia: He helped me by making me confident because …
James:You didn't know I was Olivia:No you were like my first supporter.
So it made me very confident that I would have many more.
James: Our relationship is good. It's like most siblings.
We fight. But it's nothing ever important, I guess.
Olivia: Yeah, but not, not the best.
James: No but like I think we get along pretty well, and when we don't it's not like we stay
mad at each other forever. Because we can't.
Olivia: Yes. Sara: Olivia?
Olivia: Yes.
Sara: Luckily with Olivia, she's so young, she's only seven. The first thing would be a hormone blocker.
And that's not until she would hit stage two of puberty. As of right now we just follow her lead.
All right, let's head out.
Ben: And we parent for those of you who think that we're just
following our children around and doing nothing.
Sara: We do.
Ben: For anyone who, who says that we're pushing an agenda,
I would ask them to look at their own children,
if you can't find a way to love your child,
and your faith or your fears are more important
than your caring for your own child,
then don't look at me look at yourself.
We are going about this because we're listening to our children. And because we're doing a lot of research.
And research has proven that we're doing the right thing.
Sara: I learned the scary statistics of what happens when
a parent is not supportive of their transgender child.
The high amount of suicide that occurs scared me so much that I knew that
no matter what fear or hesitation we had, or concern
that the only thing our children could, should and would feel from us would be love and acceptance.
Ben: There was a grieving process for me, when both of my children transitioned.
It wasn't because I didn't love my child anymore.
It had nothing to do with that it had to do with me navigating a world that I just knew nothing about.
It was very scary. And as time has gone on,
I've learned to trust that there is community, there is support.
And this is real.
Sara: There is a concern from a lot of people that this
could be a phase and this ultimately may not be who they are,
but knowing that they're going to always have the experience of love
and acceptance from us is key.
We will love and accept them. If they come to us tomorrow and say that they've changed their mind.
We will love and accept them if they don't.
And we actually do check ins with them that they are happy
and that they are confident in their gender and the name
and the pronouns and that there isn't any kind of wavering.
James: Hi Male Speaker: Hi.
Olivia: Hi. Ben: It's most important to hear
from the transgender community itself because
we're not living that experience. We're the parents of these people.
We can absolutely give you our take on our experience.
But the true meat of the story is to engage transgender people themselves.
Water.
Sara: The fact that our kids are transgender is one of the most
un-extraordinary things about them. They are both so amazing. And it's not because they're trans.
Beyond that they are funny and bright and silly and caring and loving and compassionate.
All sorts of amazing things and gender is just one piece of that.
James: Being trans is just a little part of me,
my family, my friends. A lot of things make me , me
Olivia: We are not different. We shouldn't be treated better or worse.
James: Overall, I'm like super happy with my situation.
I have all I could ask for especially with my coming out
and with where I am now. I have all the support I need.