10 ways to stop lusting i'm dr trish leigh let me tell you how okay we're going to break down
three things in this video number one what is lust number two what happens in your brain when you are
lusting and number three the 10 ways that you can stop lusting because this way you can live a life
of dignity and integrity so your brain can get in the mood so you can thrive forever and ever
and ever okay so number one what is lust lust is the feeling of intense sexual attraction or
desire towards another person and historically it is used in the context of if you're lusting
after someone who is not your partner or someone you're not supposed to be sexually attracted to
but it doesn't necessarily need to be that in a modern type of connotation and especially for
our purposes here when i work with people they struggle with unhealthy amounts of lust they are
lusting after people lots and lots of people all day every day maybe or certain people at
certain times there's too much left in their life and it's overtaking their ability to feel good
which is why we are going to stop doing it but secondly i wanted to share with you that
lust lights up in the brain like addiction and you actually can be addicted to lusting
because it gives your brain the dopamine hits that it is looking for now especially if you
have unfortunately and inadvertently developed a hyper sexual lifestyle
where sex is a very important part of your lifestyle to help regulate your mood that means
your brain's in a hyper hypersexual mode in the first place it means it's looking for lust to get
the hits that it needs to feel okay to regulate mood take the edge off of anxiety and when i work
with people they initially don't know that that is what they're doing but when they're out and about
and they're with their partner whom they actually like and enjoy being with sexually but they can't
stop looking at other people it's because many times being out in the world has become
stressful because there's not enough dopamine there because their brains have been conditioned
through pornography consumption or other sexual acting out to look for dopamine hits in sex so
the brain lights up like it's a drug addiction when the person is lusting and that is a study by
helen fisher from 2000 that shows mri scans the brain lights up in the addictive pattern when
a person needs lust so we have brain scans that show that okay so that is what lust is and that's
how it impacts your brain so let's get into the 10 steps to stop lusting the first step
is start building self-awareness as you're on this journey of rebooting your brain from porn use or
from sexually acting out notice when you are doing it and this is what you want to differentiate
differentiate lusting versus noticing people and it's going to be wrapped up in a couple other
parameters that we're going to talk about in just a second but the idea is if you're taking notice
of a person you are seeing them and this is the next one number two you are seeing them as a whole
person and human beings are conditioned to notice things in our environment situational awareness
the higher your situational awareness the more you notice my husband always jokes with me or rips on
me would be a better way to say it because where i live there's always a lot of deer in our backyard
so when we pull around the corner to pull in our driveway i'll be like dear and he'll be like you
would think those were aliens the way that you point them out every time we pull them to the
driveway but you know usually i'm just surprised to see them even though it happens all the time
that's because i've noticed them which clearly isn't lust lust is when i were to notice someone
and then i noticed their body part and i'm getting satisfaction sexual satisfaction i'm getting those
juices flowing dopamine in the brain by looking at a particular body part so i'm putting the two
together notice versus lust did you take notice of them like the deer or are you lusting alpha
after a particular body part and then it's the whole person versus body parts
so if you always look at a particular part of a person's body and people who lust usually have a
body part that does it for them so if you're going to that body part for the hit it's definitely lust
if you're just taking notice of someone's fabulous outfit or if you notice someone looking confident
if it's notice it's not lust if it involves a sexual piece it is then it's whole person versus
body parts okay so then what do you do after you've gained that self-awareness and you are
going from body part for dopamine hit and you're moving towards whole person or just noticing them
you can make eye contact number three is establish eye contact to see the whole person and to
avert your gaze from the body part that you have conditioned your brain to go to for the dopamine
hit it will start shifting the perspective from lusting to noticing from body parts to
whole people through eye contact number four is if you look at a person and lust starts and you
feel the dopamine flowing even if you don't but you will gain notice of that over time
give yourself one breath don't try to weirdly uh disengage too early or get all strange about it
because this is a journey this isn't something that's gonna flip the switch in one time but if
you give yourself a long breath avert your gaze either from body part to eyes or just away into
the next tip which is to get yourself grounded in reality the breath will focus you back on your
own body and you're back into reality into your own environment so all of these work together so
number four is the one breath rule take the person in while you're moving from body part to whole
person in one breath then bring yourself back into your body through that breath and back into
reality and a positive way to be able to associate the dopamine that's already flowing is to either
say something in your head think of something that you love or is powerful and meaningful to you
something with connection or connect yourself into your environment by looking at the sky can be
powerful all things celestial i love them looking at paintings looking at flowers bringing yourself
into the reality and associating the dopamine with something there okay moving on to that was number
five ground yourself in reality after the breath number six is stay vigilant on the life that you
are creating in these videos i always talk about getting on purpose in your work in your
relationships and in your hobbies so you have to be vigilant in the lifestyle that you're creating
one that doesn't need dopamine hits by lusting after people and looking at their body parts
because when you lust after someone it creates shame because you know you're not supposed to be
doing and especially if you're sitting with your partner and you don't want to hurt your partner
like that or your partner's gonna be mad at you it creates guilt and shame on the inside shame
perpetuates all of this stuff so the way out is by creating a life of dignity and integrity
by not doing the things that you don't want to getting control of them getting control
of your brain so when you stay vigilant in the lifestyle and situation that you're creating
one that is of dignity and integrity and you're averting your gaze in that one breath and bringing
yourself back into your reality especially if you're with your partner bringing yourself back
into that life with your partner the one you love and the life that you want to hold on to then you
stay in dignity and you can hold your head high so protect that lifestyle like your life depends
on it because it does my friend it does okay number seven is stay off the slippery slope
so i always use the analogy of there's there in the recovery movement there's zones of
of danger zones basically the red danger zone is you are going to act out because you're triggering
yourself the yellow is that zone where you know you're not totally in the trigger zone but you're
moving towards it the green zone is you stay out of places with people that you will lust after but
you know if you're a person who ends up lusting anywhere you go in the world obviously you can't
stay out of the world or actually in covenant 19 maybe you can but you shouldn't in the end so the
idea is when you go out into the world be careful going out there too stay off the slippery slope
if going to the gym is too triggering for you then you need to find somewhere else to work out where
it's only men if you're a man if it's just much too triggering to be at a gym with a lot of women
and you're trying not to lust and you're not being successful then stay off the slippery slope don't
go to strip clubs i know what a brilliant idea dr trish stay out of strip clubs they're triggering
so stay in places that won't trigger you into lust and stay in dignity and integrity okay stay
off the slippery slope number eight is get into a group externalizing this stuff and being able to
talk to other people about how lust is impacting you and how it's affecting you and being able to
take what's inside internal and and have it become external and parse through it with another person
is really really powerful if you've never talked to anybody about the lusting that you struggle
with or that this is something that is happening to you you are going to be amazed when it comes
out of your brain and into the world and a safe place that's why groups there's sex
addicts anonymous there's sponsors i have a group in my 90 day program where we discuss all of these
behaviors in a really safe place with no shame no guilt just looking at it from the angle of
this is what's going on and then i want to be a better person i want to get rid of this behavior
let's set some action steps in motion get into a group talk to people about it number nine is stay
a hundred percent committed we've talked about commitment in another video if you haven't seen it
go check it out it's in the three stages moving into recovery first you're not committed at all
second you're kind of willy-nilly committed then in the third phase you are 100 committed
to developing yourself personally stay there if you trip up stay committed figure it out
go back to the other parameters and the other tips on how you're going to stay out of lust
keep grounding yourself in reality keep making eye contact keep using one breath to take yourself out
of that fantasy into your reality keep doing it stay committed lastly number 10 get a coach if you
don't want to work with me work with somebody else there's a study and actually there's more than one
but there's a study that shows that internet-based help to use behavioral strategies to end
lust and especially when it comes to addictions it's to end addictions but applying it to lust
that can be really powerful what we have found in the study and it's by gainsbury at all i wrote it
down so i won't forget 2011 what the study found is that internet-based help can bridge the gap
for people who don't want to have to go into a therapist's office you can use especially in
today's day and age this was pre-covered using zoom and using the internet to get the help that
you need can take you out of these behaviors and into the ones that you want to create that's why i
offer remote neurofeedback if people want to work with me privately it's there for you not only are
you training your brain in the right direction out of the mode that was found in the mri study
into the optimal mode or close to it as possible you also have the coaching strategies from me
but coaching can be really powerful and you can do it over the internet now it and there's studies
that show that it works get the help that you need because you can break these ways of acting
and the way that they make you feel so that you can transcend and transform and move into
the future a different version of yourself the self that you want and you deserve to be able to
go out and thrive and no longer struggle and just feel like you're surviving and being dragged down
this life is a precious one you only get to go around one time and i know you want to make
your impact on the world like i'm here trying to make mine the best way for you to do that is to
heal your brain and to have somebody help you move through this to the other side where you
can rock it out and i'd love to be that somebody if it feels good if not find somebody who feels
good to you because it can really do wonders for you okay if you want more information on
my programs jump on over to drtrishleigh.com and as always control your brain or it'll control you