- ♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha, lalalala... ♪
- Shut up!!!
- So you're telling me that someone came in into your house,
stabbed you in the neck, and then just left without any kind of trace?
- Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Would I ever lie to you?
- I-- I guess not, but, I mean, sounds kind of fishy.
- What's up with that stupid belt?
- "Stupid belt." This belt is for my British day holiday that my family's having, all right?
- Yeah, that sounds stupid.
- Well, it's something that we do to celebrate our heritage. What do you do?
- I don't know, who cares? Does anyone celebrate their heritage anymore, except you?
- You're like the only guy I know that doesn't celebrate his heritage.
I think you can learn a lot (Irish music plays) from knowing where you're from. I know I did, because I was like--
(Russian music plays)
...I found out that my...
(African music plays)
...all the time, and I love it.
- Anthony Padilla?
- I think she's calling your name.
- No, she-- she called for Padilla or something.
- Anthony Padilla?
- How's your name spelled?
- P-A-D-I-L-L-A, Pa-dill-a.
You know, like you make a quesadilla with a tortilla.
- All right, look.
Your name has two L's in it. It makes a "y" sound. "Pa-dee-ya." It's Spanish.
- Wait, so...
So you're telling me that my heritage is Mexican?
- Well, not every Spanish person is Mexican.
- No, no, dude, that's it. I'm Mexican! I just know it!
- Super Head Esploder 5.
(tummy growling)
Eww! All that's in here is vegetables! Bleh!
("The Mexican Hat Dance" playing)
- Hola, amigo. What would you like to order?
- Anthony?
- Oh, holy burrito.
- Is this where you've been the past week?
- All the things I've done this past week have made me realize I've been
living a lie. From now on, I am known as Antonio Padilla.
- Why are you talking in a really bad Mexican accent?
- Bad accent?
This is the way my people talk.
- Your people? But you don't even know if you're Mexican.
- My last name is Padilla. It's not that hard to put dos and dos together.
- Is there a problem here?
- No, this gringo was just
leaving.
- Whatever.
- 578
heads esploded!
579! 580!
581!
Good job! Player two's turn.
- There is no player two! I hate this game! Screw you, Head Esploder 5!
(loud bawling)
- You didn't esplode any heads, player two! You suck! Game over!
- Where would you like to go?
- Just take me somewhere that'll make me happy.
- Routing nearest strip club.
(bird chirping)
What the hell?
What the hell, man?
- Uh, holy burrito. Um, quieres strawberries?
- You need to stop this right now.
- Uh, sorry, ese, no habla ingles.
- Look what you're doing.
You're selling strawberries on the side of the road, and you're wearing a poncho and a sombrero.
It's borderline racist, and plus, you can't even speak Spanish.
- Yo habla espanol muy bueno.
- Vamos! Arriba!
Arriba!
(car radio plays music)
(African music playing)
- (whimpering)
- ♪ Well, ♪
♪ Ian's ♪
♪ sad. He ♪
♪ lost his friend, ♪
♪ who is now a ♪
♪ Mexican, oh, yeah. ♪
♪ He's eating ice cream. Whoa, ♪
♪ what the hell is that? ♪
♪ I think ♪
♪ it is a blow-up ♪
♪ doll, oh. ♪
♪ Now look at Anthony. ♪
♪ He's got a taco ♪
♪ in his hat. ♪
♪ That guy thinks he's phat. And by "phat," ♪
♪ I mean the P-H-A-T ♪
♪ version of that. ♪
♪ Whoa, it's that ♪
♪ creepy guy again. ♪
♪ That lollipop ♪
♪ looks tasty, yeah. ♪
- Ian! Ian!
I found out I'm not actually Mexican!
- Then what are you?
- I'm black.
(African music playing)
- Anthony! Anthony! Oh!!
Geez!