How should a Christian respond to a narcissist?
Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson, thank you so much for joining me.
This is a special along the banks of the little Mahoning Creek edition of Little Lessons,
and it's a lovely evening here in this spot.
I do have a little audio competition this evening from a hoot owl across the creek bank
there, so let's hope that I can drown him or her out.
Anyways, how should a Christian respond if he or she finds themselves in a relationship
with a narcissist?
Now you may or may not have ever heard that term narcissist or know what that is.
That's actually a term that psychologists have coined to describe a particular personality
disorder, just like the term sociopath or psychopath, well, the narcissist is a much
lesser degree of those two exhibits of a very selfish human behavior.
But nevertheless, it's one that has been categorized by psychologists, and psychology is a science.
It's been developed through observation and human beings are a varied sort, and we are
spirit, soul, and body.
Now many, and perhaps most psychologists don't recognize that we are spiritual beings, but
they recognize that we do have a mind and emotions and intellect, what the Bible would
refer to as the soul, and so they have studied that and there are people that exhibit antisocial
behavior, usually it's some degree of selfishness and they coin terms.
And actually for narcissism, psychologist have broken it down into different types of
narcissism, I think there's at least three or four types.
So if you're interested in it, you can Google it and find all kinds of YouTube videos.
Apparently there are so many people that are finding themselves in relationships with people
who exhibit narcissistic personality disorder, that it's almost created a cottage industry
of psychologists who are offering lots of advice on their YouTube videos and so forth.
So I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a Bible teacher, but I have studied this one a little
bit simply because I needed to, because of some of my own encounters with people who
exhibit some antisocial behaviors.
So a narcissist fundamentally, is a person who is just extremely self-centered, but there
are certain traits that betray their self-centeredness.
They have just an extreme, kind of a grandiose view of their own self importance, they are
center of the universe.
Now you won't pick that out necessarily right from the start in the classic narcissist,
because if a narcissist comes across as very self centered, that's going to hurt them having
any chance of bringing anybody into their circle and to have relationships.
And so they often come across as very charming individuals and maybe even caring individuals,
intelligent, but beneath the surface, once you get to know them, you realize that they
think that they're really, really, really important.
And they'll be sending you clues to let you know that before too long.
And if you keep listening to them and they'll be just outright telling you how, you can't
get on without them, because they're just so important.
And so they're living in a bit of a fantasy world where everybody else is expendable,
except for them.
Let me just tell you, here's a Christian response to that, nobody is expendable.
And pride goes before a fall.
And this is how God teaches us humility by disciplining us when we allow pride to get
hold of us.
And the narcissist definitely is in that category.
And unfortunately, narcissists aren't quick to learn.
When they do fall, it's everyone else's fault, it's not their fault, they're just purely
the victim.
And if you were involved in it any way, well, you're the problem.
And people who are soft hearted and empathetic, sometimes take the blame themselves because
the narcissist is able to successfully convince them that, "You're the whole problem here."
But eventually those people do wake up and that's where that whole cottage industry of
how to recover from a narcissistic relationship, that's the justification for it.
And any psychologists you talk to about narcissism, they'll know something about them.
So the narcissist also deals with disappointments when they don't get their way, again, because
they're the center of universe.
So they usually deal with disappointment with anger.
And it's usually beyond just normal anger, it's rage, and everyone's walking on eggshells
around them because you just never know when they're going to get upset.
And it shows on their face, it's red face, it's clenched fist, it's raised voice and
so forth.
And again, everyone who knows them, is always walking on eggshells around them because,
you just never know when they're going to blow up.
And what's so strange about the narcissist is that as fast as they can turn it on, they
can turn it off.
And they go right back into that charming mode again and it's like it never happened.
And people who are their victims, within their sphere of influence, they're saying, "What
just happened?
What just happened?"
It hit us, it hit me, but now it's gone, did I see that rightly?
Is something wrong with me?
The narcissist, they're often great gas lighters, and if you can look up that term, it's an
interesting term, but basically they're causing you to question your perceptions, that your
perceptions can't be right, because their perceptions are right.
And they really play mind games with people.
I'm looking at a website that is, all these articles by psychologists and so forth, to
look at the classic definition of the narcissist and here's another one, they need constant
praise and admiration.
Now, as I go through these traits, you realize of course that we're all narcissists to a
small degree, at least.
Because we're all imperfect beings and frail and fragile and we all do appreciate encouragement
and affirmation.
But the narcissist takes it to a much higher level than that.
And if you don't give them the admiration and affirmation that they believe that they
are due, oh my goodness, you're going to hear from them.
And again, it's all your fault.
You're not affirming, you're not supportive, there's something wrong with you.
But in reality, something is wrong with the narcissist.
They just have an excessive need for admiration.
And so they tend to gather people around them who feed them that admiration.
And if you don't fall into that category, again, you'll hear from them, and you will
find yourself before long, persona non grata, because that's not the kind of people the
narcissist wants around.
They want people who admire them and always telling them what a great job they're doing,
what a great person they are, and if you try to practice as a Christian, any degree of
confrontation, oh, you're going to hit a brick wall.
You're going to hit a brick wall.
Well, I'm so sorry that I'm out of time for this Little Lesson.
We'll have to pick up here in the next one, do a part two on this.
So all we've done so far is really just begin to identify what a narcissist looks like by
psychological terms.
And the next lesson we'll have to talk about, what would be the biblical response to the
narcissist.
Hey, if you've never been to heavensfamily.org, heaven, s, family, heavensfamily.org, that's
a ministry that I've been blessed to found and direct for about two decades here now.
Working in 40 nations around the world to care for the least of these, and something
that every Christian ought to be involved in, in some level.
That's what Jesus taught.
So check out heavensfamily.org, until next time, may the Lord bless you.