NICK O’HALLORAN: Leg - I’d like it to be amputated, that’s what I perceive to be my end goal.
NICK O’HALLORAN: BIID is shortened for Body
Integrity Identity Disorder and which is a condition where the brain doesn’t recognise
an aspect of the body. For me, the map stops on the right leg, three inches from the hip.
It manifests in an inch. It’ll be equivalent of someone who is growing an extra limb.
It does not belong there.
DANIEL: Before he came out to me with it,
I didn’t even know about BIID. It felt like someone was coming out to me has gay or trans.
You know, I could see how important it was for him and how nervous he was. My first thoughts
were, that’s unbelievable that my friend is having to go through this.
NICK O’HALLORAN: I’ve tried myself a few
times by injecting medical grade alcohol into the limb. But there was intense pain, more
pain than I anticipated because you could actually feel the alcohol drying up the muscles.
There was a sense of feeling of success. You couldn’t move it, but after eight hours,
it was fine. I got put in contact with a man who was regarded as what’s called a
‘gatekeeper’ and he knows names of surgeons who are willing to do an amputation for a
set fee and what they would do then is they would give you documentation to say it was
an accident. I paid this man in total just shy of 20 grand. Turned out to be a massive
scam. Last year I was in a very dark place and it culminated with me trying to jump in
front of a train. I think what led me to feel was the sense of isolation and alienation.
Not being able to talk to anyone, constantly having to put on a mask.
NICK O’HALLORAN: In terms of pretending, I try to do it at least once a day, if not longer.
NICK O’HALLORAN: I feel a lot better and
I get to see myself as I would be or should be rather than as I am.
DR ANNA SEDDA: It’s a peculiar condition
known since around 1970 in which a perfectly healthy individual with no physical damage,
no psychiatric problem, quite early in childhood starts to desire a different body.
DR ANNA SEDDA: Okay, so when you’re ready, you can start.
DR ANNA SEDDA: With Nick we did some experiments
on emotional processing with results what we see is exactly a pattern and it shows that
there is a different emotional processing in relation to the representation of the body.
The life risk which is associated with BIID is really extreme and we should try to understand
what can we do for these individuals. It’s not fair to be suffering like this and to
put your life at risk.
NICK O’HALLORAN: Meeting Anna today was
really good. She was able to re-confirm things for me and put a name to a lot of things as
well and I look forward to speaking with her again and seeing what she comes out with in
terms of treatment. If a choice came for an amputation, I would jump at the opportunity.
It’s the only way I can see the itch would stop.
DANIEL: If Nick would have his leg removed
by a surgeon safely, by a qualified surgeon, I would be behind him 110%. I hope Nick’s
future will be, will be where he can just be himself.
NICK O’HALLORAN: I would like to start living
again, but I’d also like to work with people with BIID and help them either cope with it
or get the help it needs. And you've got the people who do have it and a sense of they are not alone.