The highest value is intrinsic and it's something they spontaneously do when you
set goals on yourself, make sure you set goals that are aligned with that.
Hi, I'm Dr. John Demartini.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were interacting with somebody and
you expected them to do something and they didn't do it,
and you had this subtle feeling like you felt like you got betrayed and they
weren't loyal to your objectives?
Or possibly you had met another person that you intended and expected something,
and they did exactly what you did and you felt man they're really loyal to what
we're accomplishing? And you've had both of those experiences.
I'd like to share some insights around, around loyalty vs betrayal,
and I think it'll be eye-opening.
Every individual lives by a set of priorities,
set of values in their life that are unique to them.
Things that are most important to least important to them.
Whatever's highest on their value,
they're spontaneously inspired from within to fulfill them.
So they will naturally have a yearning and almost a calling to do that thing
that's most important to them. But things lower on their values,
they need outside motivation to keep them focused on it.
It's not really that important to them,
so they need either rewards if they do it or punishment if they don't to keep
focused on it. And so they're less likely to do that.
So anytime you expect somebody to do something that is in line
with their true highest value, they will not let you down.
They'll get it done. They won't betray you,
they'll be loyal to you because your expectations are in line with their values.
So you'll probably label them very committed and very loyal and
you know, they're reliable. That's the way you'll label them. They're focused.
They're reliable, they're disciplined, et cetera. You'll put that label on them.
But if you expected them to do something that's low on your value,
that same person that you thought was loyal and deserving and all that,
you actually will now probably have a different label on them,
because you'll be expecting them to do something that they procrastinate on,
they hesitate on, they frustrate on, it's not important to them.
If you expected me to research and teach, I wouldn't let you down.
If you expected me to cook and drive,
most likely I'd let you down because I don't cook and I don't drive,
I delegate that. So anytime you expect from any other human beings,
something that matches their highest values,
you're probably going to have a person that you end up labeling loyal.
And anytime you expect somebody to do something that's low on their values,
maybe high on yours, but low on theirs,
you're going to feel that you got betrayed because they're not likely to do it.
They're going to forget about it. They're not going to get around to doing it.
They're going to let you down on it.
So anytime you expect something from somebody it's wise to know what they really
value and put expectations in terms of that,
so they can get what they want so you can get what you want.
And betrayal is never really what somebody does to you.
Betrayal is what you do to yourself when you expect somebody to live outside
their highest values. And loyalty is never really what anybody does to you.
Loyalty is a label that you project onto somebody when you put expectations that
match their highest values. So watch out for the labels,
understand human behavior and know that people including yourself will do
things that are meaningful and most important to them,
according to their values.
And they're not going to get around as likely to those things unless somebody
goes along and gives them a very strong incentive to do it.
If you give somebody enough of incentive, they'll do it.
But if you go around expecting somebody without that incentive,
they're probably not. So don't label somebody. Look at the,
understand the behavior that human beings play when they live by their values.
Again, the highest value is intrinsic and it's something they spontaneously do.
When you set goals on yourself,
make sure you set goals that are aligned with that, you won't betray yourself,
you'll be loyal to your objectives. The same for other people.
Set goals that match their highest values.
When somebody works in a company and somebody delegates things to them,
if they delegate things that align with their highest value,
they will automatically be engaged and inspired to do it
and you can rely on them and you don't have to micromanage them.
But if you delegate something to somebody that's low on their values,
you'll probably have to micromanage them,
incentivize them and remind them and everything else because it's not important
to them.
So don't expect people to do things that aren't really important to you.
They're never loyal to you, they never betray you,
you do by your unrealistic expectations to have them do something that's low
on their values or your realistic expectations if you have them do something
that is aligned with their highest values.
So I just want to make that insight because a lot of people go around and throw
labels at people,
instead of understanding the basic mechanics of human behavior,
according to values.
So help yourself set goals that are really aligned with your highest values.
You won't betray yourself and expect other people to do things that according to
their highest values and you won't feel betrayed by others.
Thank you for joining me for this presentation today.
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