happy holidays it still doesn't feel like Christmas but we're gonna get over that
um I am an adult and I'm wondering if it will ever feel like Christmas again as we know the
score by now let's get into the most important part of the video of what's in my coffee so today
I used an espresso machine for the first time on the channel I think they are great because they're
really quick and if you don't have time I think it's helpful however it's not the strongest coffee
so I tend to have to have more than one but that's okay because I like having coffee so I guess I
would rather have two slightly weaker ones than one super strong one also maybe I'm not taking
the strong brand I want to just I don't know if this will focus but here's a really cute mug that
Emilia got me when he was in Copenhagen earlier this year I feel like that's important to the
coffee announces so the brand was log and is just a regular number five mid-range not too strong
coffee so let's try it it's probably called by now but that's okay delightful I write that very well
okay now as you probably saw from the title of the video today I'm going to talk about self-help
and I have a lot to say about self-help as an ex self-help Guru but before we get into the video
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I don't know if anybody believed this probably but I actually started my channel as a bit of
a self-help Channel I hope most of these videos are now privated but I have a feeling they aren't
I tried everything I tried uh journaling I tried waking up at 5am I tried meditating and I filmed
a lot of those processes and I've read every book that is anything to do with self-help I
really cannot find one that I've not already come across in red it was my favorite Kuiper
book for the first half of lockdown however I've kind of over the past six months had an epiphany
about self-help and I don't like it anymore so in this video we're going to talk about why
but first I feel like it's important for me to not just crap on self-help for 10 minutes straight so
I am going to mention the good things and why I was originally drawn to the idea and the theme
of self-help so in 2019 just before I started my self-help craze I always connected in rough
spot I had no friends I had a couple I didn't have a really good group of close-knit friends
and I was studying at Uni and working full-time and having no sleep and on four coffees a day
and three red bells I was just not in my good stunning era if we can put it that way I was a
bit in need of help self-help and the first thing I started doing was watching YouTube
channels like Matt developer if I knew Drew all of the self-helpie boys I started feeling like
in order to be the best version of myself I had to one meditate for 30 minutes a day to
journal even if I had nothing to say free read every book Under the Sun and act like I know
these writers personally and four tell every single person in the earth that I was into
self-help so before I slander them I just want to say I actually do think self-help helped me
in a way at least helped me recognize where I was going wrong in my life and there are some
good books in the theme of self-help noticeably those by Mark Manson anything in the stoicism
philosophy I found really great at the time and they made me think about what I was doing
wrong what I had to improve on and so can I really felt self-helpfully no but I'm gonna try
big problem with self-help and the self-help industry is that reading other people's success
and watching their videos on YouTube will not make you a better person even though it might
feel like it I remember I was reading this one book from Ryan holiday a stoicism guy and he
was talking about like the success of people for some reason I thought that their success was mine
I was reading it and I felt great about myself like I don't know why I'll feel so selfish and
looking back I was seeing other people doing well and thinking yeah I'm doing great even though it's
nothing to do with me what this US president did 200 years ago but when you're in this
sphere of self-help it's like you get the dopamine from watching other people do well
you get the dopamine from watching Matt develop take a cold shower for 30 days and you'll try
it once and you'll think that's you you're set and everyone's gonna love you and you're gonna
be a great person you can be really mentally healthy and it's just not the case I think one
of my biggest issues with self-help is that people can do very little or nothing and still reap the
benefits in the short term of self-help I hope that makes sense and another thing is that just
in general meditating journaling taking coach errors they will not make you a better person
I'm not saying they're bad habits I think if you enjoy the peace and the Tranquility of
meditation and you enjoy getting your notes done on paper like good for you but that does not mean
you're in turn making yourself a better person all these videos there are like if you want to
be a millionaire here's what the millionaires do I'm sorry but I just doubt that Jeff Bezos and
Elon Musk I'm meditating for half an hour a day in journaling their thoughts I just doubt it I'm
sorry and I'm not saying these are bad habits to you have they're great correlation is not
causation just because there are some millionaires out there that meditate that does not mean that
your meditation is the key to success staying on the lines of the hobbies that people have within
self-help I feel like they kind of put certain Hobbies on a pedestal so if you're out with your
friends and they're painters or musicians you're like that's cool but I Journal do you know that
millionaires Journal I don't think it matters what kind of hobby you have in life I think it matters
how passionate you are about that Hobby and so I would argue that it's just as great to be a keen
painter as it is to be a meditator I don't think one is better than the other and I don't think one
should be better than the other I think having a hobby is great full stop we should not be ranking
people's Hobbies if you want to go on a cycle for 30 minutes a day be my guess good for you
within the self-help industry there's a lot of focusing on the wrong things so what I mean by
that is I think doing better and being a better person is just not to do with again your hobbies
or how much of a reader you are or you wake up at 5am I think it really is cheesy right now
more about who you are inside how good you are to other people and how good you are to yourself too
if you are having an awful day and you want to eat a bar of chocolate because you just you're
craving it this does not make you a bad person this does not make you and not successful have
you seen that Warren Buffett and Bill Gates go out tanning cartons and cartons of Coca-Cola they like
they're still successful and they're still happy people what I have noticed from people
that I I find successful is that they do their own thing and they're happy that they're doing
their own thing and also they're not too hard on themselves the idea of self-help is that you
want to look good for other people and I think that's where the main problem really lies isn't
it it's you're not doing things that you love and that make you a better person you're doing things
that you can boast to your friends and oh yeah so actually I've been waking up at 5am for the past
three months and I've been studying nine hours a day when no one wants to hear about that we just
trying to be impressive to other people we're not actually trying to be good to be good to ourselves
and I think that at the end of the day all of these things are going to catch up on you and
they caught up with me and I realized I'm not better I'm just telling people that I'm better
well I really needed to work on was Finding good friends and good influences and changing
the habits of my life that I didn't like but not replacing them with habits that people think are
great the personal habits that I think are great and I think are fun whether that be learning
languages traveling photography Music These might not be super impressive to a lot of people but
they're impressive to me that's what matters now the last thing is that I found when you're in a
self-help sphere you overthink the small things like I said earlier about the bar of chocolate
and eating it you think that every failure is a failure on your integrity as a human being
because these books were so dramatic you have bad days you have good days let's not overthink
it too much I think the key to happiness is just not thinking too much about how to be a better
person just being a better person just stop being selfish stop forgetting to know your friends once
numb out focus on whether your mental Health's doing good lately call your family these are
things that I think will make you a happier person not cold showers sorry Matt diabella
okay I wanted to finish this off again I don't like full-on hating everything if it's not really
obvious I'm one of those people that either love or hate things I find it really hard to be neutral
but I want to try and be a bit more natural when is self-help necessary and who is self-help for
I think self-help can be great if you're really in a rut and you're not feeling good and you hate
your life I've been there I felt that way and I do think that self-help started me started that
kind of path of me feeling better I think reading about success and reading about other people that
are happy it does have a secondary effect on you and I think that's great and if it gives
you the motivation to get out of your bed in the morning and try something new like meditating I'm
happy for you it is a push to improve yourself then it can't be all that bad and also could
be fun for inspiration if you're not a reader you don't take too old showers and you see the
final Drew does maybe you try it and you'll love it and you'll love it because you love
it not because you think it's impressive in that case great and I would I feel like
we're actually leaving the self-help era of YouTube and writers and stuff I wonder what
everyone else thinks I know that I think it kind of ended the ERA with the liver King and
him saying the English rollover was good for you now I don't think I'm seeing as much self-help
I'm seeing the recently the past couple years the it girl and I wonder what the future Trend
will be you know what's going to be the next era after the self-help and the it girl that
was a fun run for me I hope you enjoyed the rant too comment down any comments you have
in regards to this rant I'm very curious and see you soon guys Merry Christmas bye love you