- [Narrator] Axl Rose had thrown the perfect wedding
until it started raining and a guy
jumped through a cake for no reason.
It's time to revisit Guns N' Roses' "November Rain,"
one of history's dumbest music videos.
(static hissing)
Welcome to Axl Rose's totally normal wedding.
It's got a flower girl, a priest,
and Jesus Christ crying blood.
His bride comes out in a dress
that is accidentally missing the front.
Axl, meanwhile, is dressed in Seinfeld's puffy shirt
and a pirate's jacket.
He looks really overdressed standing next to his bride.
But don't worry, he makes up for it by not cutting his hair
or shaving his gross little mustache.
When it's time to exchange the rings,
we see that Slash has lost them.
The priest is like, "Classic Slash."
Then Slash's friend calls him over, as if to say,
"Don't worry, buddy, I've been keeping the wedding ring
"on my pinky like an insane person."
Slash, who continues to smoke indoors, in church,
at a wedding, drops the ring off at the altar.
The priest is so happy.
He loves love and he loves Slash.
Then we get a cool closeup of Axl Rose's
ornate pinky ring hidden beneath his ruffled sleeves.
Rock 'n' roll is alive and well.
The priest says they can kiss, so they decide
to tongue-fuck each other in the presence
of their friends, family, and blood-crying Jesus.
Nobody seems to mind.
Slash decides he wants to beat traffic,
so he upstages their big moment
by walking right back down the aisle.
He steps outside the church,
which is in the middle of nowhere.
It raises a few questions.
Where did everyone park?
Did someone steal all their cars?
How are they gonna get home?
Instead of answering any of these questions,
he decides to unleash a guitar solo.
But the guitar isn't plugged into anything,
so it probably sounds like--
(guitar strings twanging)
Everyone inside decides to exit out the back
so Slash can finish expressing himself
through the majesty of song.
Fortunately, the back door leads to a city,
and all their guests are waiting for them outside.
You'd think there'd be a lot of rock 'n' roll bad asses,
but it's mostly old people, children, and dorks.
Axl's bride looks into the distance as if to wonder,
"Should I not have married a guy
"who wore a pirate outfit to his wedding?"
Then Axl Rose smiles at her with his little mustache,
and now she knows for sure that she made a mistake.
Later at the reception, Axl has changed
into a blue plastic suit, and his bride
is now wearing black, which definitely
isn't foreshadowing anything.
Slash has decided to put on a shirt under his suit
which shows real growth and maturity.
They cut the cake and everyone is having
the time of their lives.
Axl Rose really knows how to put on an elegant,
yet charming formal event.
People are smoking and dancing,
and little kids are running around.
Again, it's really weird that these people
are Axl Rose's friends.
But then it starts to rain, and everyone loses their shit.
Literally no one has ever experienced rain before.
People are crashing into tables, knocking over wine glasses.
And then there's this guy who decides the best way
to get inside is to jump directly through the cake,
which, by the way, features a miniature Axl Rose
in his fancy pirate outfit.
It's a disaster.
His wife is so embarrassed that she immediately dies.
So now everyone has to go right back
to the church for her funeral.
The fun priest has been replaced with a sad priest.
A grief-stricken Axl Rose looks to the heavens
and asks the Lord above why he's unable to grow facial hair.
His wife is buried in her wedding dress
because she was a wife.
And a bunch of "Sopranos" extras act as pallbearers.
Slash goes back to not buttoning his shirt
because things didn't go so well last time.
Uh-oh, it starts raining again.
This time a couple people brought umbrellas,
but everyone gets worried that the guy
who jumped into the cake before
is going to dive through the coffin, so they all run away.
Axl goes home to his exclusively blue house
and has a dream about his wife
throwing the bouquet at their wedding.
The color drains from the bouquet to represent her death
or something equally obvious.
It's touches like that that make this
one of the dumbest music videos.
(slow rock music)
(whooshing)
(creaking)