Hey, this is Mat and today we're going to talk about who should actually pay on the
date.
This comes up in my coaching programs often where you're on a date with somebody, you're
having a great time, and then the waiter comes, places the check on the table.
And you're looking at him looking at the check, and you're wondering is he going to pay for
it?
Should you pitch in and pay for it or split it?
But there's that part of you that doesn't want to emasculate him by signaling that you
don't think he can actually pay.
Women will often say, "Oh, that's such an awkward moment.
What do I do in that moment?"
And so that's what we're going to talk about right now is who should pay on the date.
Now, I'm not a big believer in rules when it comes to dating, but I do believe in tools,
and the tools I'm going to offer you right now, my hope is that it puts you at ease,
helps you feel more comfortable.
So you can be more yourself and have a greater experience in the dating process.
So my philosophy is this, whoever does the asking to go on the date is the one who should
be doing the paying on the date.
I'm old fashioned.
I really feel like the man should be asking and the man should be doing the paying on
the date.
It strikes right to the core provider nature in us.
The man who wants to provide for you and demonstrate that he can actually take care of you.
Now I know living in the 21st century that you can pay for the date.
I know that.
I know you're successful.
I know you're smart, I know that and you might feel like I do and believe like I do that
whoever does the asking should be doing the paying.
But here's a technique that can actually put you in ease when the check comes to the table.
So here's all you really have to do is watch his body language because the man who wants
to pay for the date.
When that check comes to the table, he's going to immediately reach for that check, pull
out his wallet, stick the credit card in, or pay with his phone, whatever the situation
is, and he'll immediately take action.
And in that moment, he's not actually wanting you to contribute and split the check.
What he's really wanting is to be validated, acknowledged, and celebrated.
For him, providing a great experience for you.
So the best thing that you can do in that moment is simply acknowledge him and celebrate
him and say something to this effect.
You can say, "Oh, thank you so much.
This was a lovely meal and a brilliant choice for our date."
That last section, a brilliant choice for our date actually acknowledges his decision
making power.
It's an extra attraction trigger in men.
Now let's talk about the man who actually wants you to split the check with him.
When that check comes, he's going to act very differently.
He's going to hesitate.
He's going to kind of look at the check, look at you, look at the check, look at you, kind
of get a little awkward.
So if you notice his energy getting awkward, then a great thing that you can say in that
moment is to reach for your purse and to say, "Oh, this was a lovely dinner.
You know what?
I'm happy to contribute if you would like that."
That's actually a very nuanced word and it's a high value word.
I'm happy to contribute, use the word contribute versus I'm happy to split the check with you.
Split sends a divisive signal to him, but I'm happy to ... Now if you want to divide
from him, use the word split.
But if things are going well, you say, "Hey, I'm happy to contribute to this if you would
like that."
And that way you both contribute to the check.
There's no right and there's no wrong here.
Some women will say, "Well, does that mean he's cheap?
Does that mean he's a low value man?"
And here's my advice to that.
Don't ever take one moment and then label someone based on that moment.
Take that one moment and put it inside the greater context of, who is he being, how is
he showing up?
How has the overall experience been?
What are the quality of his character?
Like, what are his characteristics like?
And when you insert it into the bigger picture, it's going to give you a clear picture of
whether or not this guy is a keeper or whether or not this guy is a, check, please.
Next.
So I would love to hear from you, what's your philosophy when it comes to who should pay
on the date?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I would love to hear from you.
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