look there's a guy on youtube that
i really didn't like and i decided to
confront him about it his name is
mattiavella before you jump to any
conclusions i want to share with you a
side of myself i'm not exactly proud of
and i want to see if i can change your
mind about something matt develop by the
way for reference for those of you that
don't know who he is is another content
creator on youtube but what i have to
share with you has a lot more to do with
me and a little thing that many of us
struggle with called envy what i've come
to realize is that envy says a lot more
about the person that feels it than the
person it's directed towards this is for
everyone who takes the leap to express
themselves or create something in this
world
you were familiar with me
but did any feelings of envy come up who
are you talking about like do you have
specific people that you're that you
have in mind here or who who
who are you talking about
part one a dream let me rewind a little
bit to provide a bit of contrast all
right quiet you guys
i started youtube in 2015 and as i've
said on multiple occasions before for
the first four years of posting videos
on the internet it didn't really go
anywhere it's easy to say that the
numbers don't matter and in many ways
they don't really it sort of depends on
what your goals are they're not a metric
of your value as a human the quality of
your work or the depth of your impact i
put a lot of pressure on myself to try
to make this work because i wanted to
become location independent i wanted to
find a way to make a living on the
internet and for better for worse to
make that happen
the numbers do matter a little bit so
after posting every single week for a
very long time and then taking a break
to reflect and to grow as a filmmaker i
decided to try again this is late 2018.
i just had this dream right this dream
that i could connect with people around
the world and i could make a living
doing something that i really love
expressing myself and i couldn't let go
of that it was too big a dream of mine
yes we can criticize how it operates how
addictive it is how it makes us compare
ourselves to others but there's
something there you know there's
something about the ability to connect
with people around the world that was
not possible in this way in the past i
just wanted to see more content that
illustrated realness you know more
vulnerability i want to see human beings
not slick brands content that didn't
just feel like blank empty carbs empty
entertainment so that became my focus
that became the core of everything that
i wanted to create now around this time
i stumbled upon a channel thanks to the
algorithms of this guy called matiavella
doing basically that well-shot
well-edited videos sharing tips and
information on how to improve your life
and you know what it felt like he was
speaking honestly one thing i really
connected with early on was how matt
talked about his student loan debt let's
talk about
how to get out of debt that's what led
him to minimalism and this journey that
just felt relatable in many ways the
anxiety that he felt things like that
when you shared about the student debt i
was like this this guy this is a real
one you know like the fact that you were
talking about that
and you were
in the struggles that came with that and
it's kind of embarrassing honestly right
because you feel like you've made some
financially poor decisions right
immediately i was like this guy's on to
something i've never been interested in
creating more of something that already
exists out there you know originality is
really important to me but at the same
time i was paying attention because like
look this guy had a format that was
working by taking a closer look i wanted
to see what i could learn from this and
by the way this is something we all do
this is human nature we are all watching
what works and what doesn't work
consciously or unconsciously i was
really inspired by what i was seeing and
i was so inspired in fact that i
actually made a video about him it was
called something like how matt nivella
is beating the algorithms or something
like that matt if you're watching this i
just want to say thank you for helping
me become a better person and for
showing me that it's still possible to
make it on social media and basically
this guy was proving that it was
possible so i was inspired you know if
he can do it i can do it
part two take off okay so fast forward a
little bit four or five months later
after posting consistently every single
week even twice a week sometimes i mean
just pumping out as high quality content
as consistently as possible in a way
that was totally unsustainable things
started to take off my wildest dreams
were starting to come true my channel
takes off in a way i still cannot
comprehend and this is supposed to be
the happiest period of my life like that
is making it i was making it and yet it
wasn't that this actually was one of the
most stressful periods of my life i had
no systems in place like as human beings
were not built for this and in the midst
of this hurricane of attention and
change that's happening in my life
begins to appear a new trend i start
noticing a lot of comments comparing me
with matt diabeta so all of a sudden it
goes from this guy that i'm seeing on
the internet to this name that's popping
up in comments as people are comparing
me with it i could see why there are
visual similarities right white guy my
guess would be matt divela has italian
ancestry
it's an italian last name even has a
background working as a filmmaker right
like i worked in the industry and so did
he before doing youtube it's funny i
mean even like there was overlap in
terms of the content that we create of
course because we're talking about very
similar things the venn diagram of what
we talk about and like there's certainly
an overlap there within the
self-development world and you know what
at first i definitely took it as a
compliment like you're comparing me with
matt divella stop you know
like
go on no but seriously i'm 10 years
younger than him he's a very successful
filmmaker millions of subscribers i'm in
shape but like come on i do not have
those biceps quite frankly people have
been objectifying me those biceps though
those pecs though sorry what i was
distracted by matt's biceps and i wanted
to take this opportunity right here to
say
thank you people were literally putting
me in the same category as this guy that
i looked up to but what started out as
like a steady trickle of comments and
comparisons turned into a waterfall and
of course some of those comments were
not super nice saying i'm like the cheap
version or the knockoff or that i was
stealing from him did you ever struggle
with comparison with other artists or
other people or other filmmakers or
siblings or something i came across this
youtuber named peter mckinnon he built
his channel from zero to two million in
one year back in the day like when i
would see people with 50k subscribers
i'm like oh wow that person's like
famous that's amazing and then i hit it
and i was like so
distraught and i was like you know i'm
in this position where i should be the
happiest i've ever been i should be
looking at like um the success that i
had at that point and just be
celebrating like wild but no i'm looking
at peter mckinnon being like i'm never
gonna be able to make videos like him
like his videos are so good i'm never
going to be able to build a channel
that's
1 million 2 million subscribers so much
of what we do is like comparing
ourselves to like the number of
subscribers people have or to the type
of content that they're creating uh yeah
it's very easy to get lost and kind of
forget the reason why you do it to begin
with i 100 resonate with what you're
talking about you know naturally i think
my feelings started to change nothing
against matt but i was like people can
you please just see me for my own work
you turn these people
who are doing amazing things into the
enemy
i think like you rationalize it in your
head to be like all right i have to hate
this person it's like they they must be
miserable they must be actually a really
mean person
they must have no problems in their life
and like you create this kind of like
image in your head of who they are i
went from being inspired by this guy to
kind of wishing he didn't exist because
his name just kept haunting me you know
kept following me everywhere this was
happening wherever i went you know i
lived in italy for a while as some of
you know and even in italy italians were
like
and i in my envy was like
is not a good look on anybody we all
agree on that like i'm not here to tell
you envy is bad right because we all
know it's bad we all know it looks awful
but that doesn't change the fact that
it's a real thing what i was struggling
with was this desire to be recognized
i'm making these things on the internet
i'm expressing myself i'm trying to be
vulnerable i wanted recognition i did
want people to admire me for me not in
relation to anybody else and this desire
to be special it's human but it's
dangerous you can't remedy feelings of
inadequacy with the admiration of
thousands or even millions of people on
the internet my hunt for the approval of
others this need to be special it was
pulling me away from all the other
amazing things happening in my life i
was living my dream and yet i couldn't
enjoy it because i was more caught up in
not being impaired comparison for better
for worse is what humans do we get
compared to our peers our siblings our
parents i started to dislike him even
though none of this was his fault if
only i had just believed in myself more
i think i would have saved myself a lot
of anguish back then that feeling of
envy towards other creators and like a
lot of times it comes up of like the the
newcomers because like we're the old
dogs on the block now like i think often
i tie my self-worth to my work way too
much and i think that's probably if i
went to therapy i think that's probably
what would come out of it before i go
any further i want to talk briefly about
the sponsor of this video which is
betterhelp this is in honor of mental
health awareness month and i also think
that betterhelp is an amazing tool to
use if you're struggling with your own
sort of emotional challenges as we all
do sometimes a little bit of context
really quick i'm a huge believer in
therapy i've been doing it every single
week for the last three years and this
is something that i learned from my
parents who have been doing it
themselves for many many years honestly
i think that this is still something
that is largely misunderstood at the
societal level and i personally see it
as an incredible investment in yourself
and better getting to know yourself and
doing that internal work i think without
therapy i would have had less resilience
in navigating emotionally challenging
situations that i found myself in the
problem is and this is no secret therapy
is not the most accessible thing out
there right it can cost a lot of money
and it can also be very difficult to
find somebody that you click with and
this is what i like about betterhelp
they are working really hard to make
this sort of thing more accessible they
offer customized online therapy which
includes video phone and even live chat
sessions with your therapist so you
don't have to see anybody if you don't
want to you can also request a new
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charge which i really like because that
means you're not locked in with somebody
you don't like working with if you're
interested you can use the link in my
description to get 10 off your first
month thank you better help for
sponsoring this video all right let's
dive back
in i go back to this idea that there's a
deep desire in all of us to feel seen
and yes there is ego at play i am not
a monk living in the mountains i am not
enlightened i absolutely have my
insecurities and my desire to feel
special everyone wants recognition
without enough awareness of that or how
to handle that it can get messy and
that's what happened for me one thing
i've definitely known from the very
beginning though is that none of this is
matt's fault and that is exactly why i
was saying in the beginning of this
video this has a lot more to do with me
than anything else matt was just living
his life creating content you know doing
his thing but he represented something
different to me he was more so a mirror
of myself it's really weird to speak so
openly about something that i'm not
proud of and there were obvious
parallels right and then some
unfortunate coincidences like for
example our videos on 30 days of no cold
showers came out nearly at the same time
now in 2019 that was a trend so
a lot of people were doing this and it's
funny because i even like used one of
your clips in my cold shower videos like
very early on if you remember that yeah
um same sort of deal with our time
tracking videos in late 2019 i posted a
video that i'm very proud of still to
this day called why you never have
enough time lo and behold matt had
actually already posted a video with
this exact same title i had no idea
about that until people started leaving
comments about it and saying are you
copying him again i was gutted until i
went and took a look at his video and
realized what we had done was completely
different his video is a very useful
guide on time management you know it's
like how to not be late to stuff and
mine centered around my questioning of
the very meaning of productivity right
of this idea that we'll ever get to a
place that will guarantee happiness
honestly they're completely different
videos you're welcome to check them out
for yourself who cares if they have the
same title it's a strong title it is
dangerous to consume other people's
stuff because if it influences you in
any way
you know
people are like this this you're making
me think of this guy or whatever you
know i don't know if people just get
sort of excited about that you know
they're like oh i see a i see a link oh
man well like you ever have you ever
come up with a really great idea and
somebody's like oh yeah ex like this
person did that and i'm like that's kind
of not what i'm after right here
i'm not looking for you to tell me who
did it way better than i'm gonna be able
to do it yeah exactly
part three the artist's journey it is
this sort of personal
journey that we all have to
kind of go on but in our own sort of
different ways right like the characters
that that bring this up for you or
different than for me yeah i mean yeah
my friend uh gave me advice early on
like in this journey and he's like you
can't think your way out of overthinking
you know i noticed something very
interesting recently it has been a very
long time since i've seen even one
comment
in my comment section on any of my
videos comparing me with mattiavella
like years and here's what i think
happened a very natural process just had
time to naturally unfold what am i
talking about here i'm basically saying
that the journey that all artists must
go through is through this phase where
you are compared with people i feel like
we naturally just all kind of
have gone in our
own unique directions you know everybody
has a very established unique style
sometimes that just takes a long time it
just takes a few years dozens and dozens
of videos to get there until i got there
it felt like oh my god i'm never going
to be able to distinguish myself i'm
never gonna be a better nathaniel drew i
just have to be the best matt diabeta
that i can be whatever like kind of
creates my own style i just need to lean
into the things that feel right to me
and only by continuing to do that thing
do you slowly grow into yourself and
like i said it's just part of the
process there's no skipping this stage
no matter how badly any of us wish we
could we all have to go through this in
my opinion i think we each made original
content from the very beginning but as i
already mentioned i think there were a
lot more similarities earlier on slowly
i just naturally established myself as
somebody who is driven by my desire to
see the world climbing around abandoned
decaying castles why not
i would i mean wouldn't you
and reflect on life passionate about
languages
for very obvious reasons the envy that i
felt never helped as it never does but i
knew that at the time and it was a phase
that i had to go through this used to be
an emotionally charged topic for me and
it isn't anymore talking to you
is
it it just obliterates all of the
the negative thoughts or the ruminations
or whatever that i used to have because
i'm talking to a human being who's
facing the same challenges
and who
is also struggling you know and and
figuring things out for themselves i
don't know i think there's just
something about how and this is the
challenging thing too it's like people
will compare you with people that
sometimes you can't necessarily meet
right
and so you create this gigantic demon in
your head
here's another thing that really helped
quite a bit which is to meet other
content creators i mean i am surprised
every single time more and more now i
try to go in without any sort of
preconceived notions or any judgments
even if i've been following their
content for a long time because what i
end up finding every time i meet
somebody is a human being a person with
contradictions and nuance and layers to
who they are it's always going to be
more than what you see in what they
share on the internet everybody now is
on the same page i think in terms of
social media being
distorted but i think there's very
little on the internet that has context
so even if it feels honest and authentic
and well made and it's your friend
you're just like you're getting you're
not getting the full context you're
never getting the full context when you
consume something on the internet
and that's what makes it so hard i think
even just having the awareness that
whenever you feel envy or jealousy that
it's that desire to feel special feeling
threatened that's a huge help already as
long as you don't make it this thing
that you base decisions off of then i
think you're okay i don't know i don't
think it's helpful to pretend that it's
not there i think it's much better to
just develop an awareness of it and to
explore it and see what you can learn
about it the ugly truth is that when
something about somebody else rubs you
the wrong way when you dislike them for
a particular reason
oftentimes that says more about you than
the person themselves so to go through
this process has been humbling and i'm
grateful and i hope that if you're
struggling with envy in some shape or
form that you know that that does not
have to last forever the more committed
you are to exploring that feeling within
yourself and learning about yourself the
sooner that feeling of envy is likely to
go away you can't solve it externally no
amount of success is going to fix it i'm
really grateful that you have been open
over the last few years that you are
also vulnerable i originally connected
with your content through the
vulnerabilities that you share in your
material and likewise i mean honestly
like
i have nothing but but good vibes uh
sending your way like you are one of the
most kind caring and compassionate
people that i've met um and you make
everybody feel super comfortable
whenever you're in a conversation with
them and like this
felt like one of the most
comfortable conversations i've ever had
so it's uh i think you have that ability
you have this effortless spirit about
yourself which is awesome ah thanks man
i'm touched
you know there are times where i think
about how crazy and beautiful it is
that we have this hardware right that
biologically as human beings we evolved
to be this way and how some of the
evolutions that we developed that helped
us stay alive when we were hunter
gatherers can now serve a new purpose in
our modern world in our modern lives and
that new purpose is the development of a
spiritual path that these emotional
triggers that we have can lead us
deeper within ourselves
to be honest with you this felt like an
important video to make
because i have not seen anybody talk
about envy in these ways and i think
that i would have benefited from hearing
somebody talk about it in this way when
i was in the thick of it and struggling
with it don't demonize other people
what a crazy journey we're all on huh
wow
you