WELCOME BACK!
THANKS, FOLKS!
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY!
NOW, WELCOME BACK TO OUR CONTINUING COVERAGE OF ONE OF
THE LONGEST DAYS I CAN REMEMBER, AND KEEP IN MIND, I HAVE BEEN TO
A RENAISSANCE FAIR.
( LAUGHTER ) SO BEFORE THE BREAK, IN THE
FIRST MONOLOGUE, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW DR. BLASEY FORD SPOKE
FIRST, THE SENATE TOOK A RECESS AND THEN TIME TO HEAR FROM
JUDGE KAVANAUGH, AND HE CAME OUT WITH A WELL-COIFED HEAD OF
STEAM.
>> THIS WHOLE TWO WEEK EFFORT HAS BEEN A CALCULATED AND
ORCHESTRATED POLITICAL HIT, FUELED WITH PENT-UP ANGER ABOUT
PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THE 2016 ELECTION, FEAR THAT HAS BEEN
UNFAIRLY STOKED ABOUT MY JUDICIAL RECORD, REVENGE ON
BEHALF OF THE CLINTONS.
>> Stephen: IN CONCLUSION -- I'LL BE A NON-BIASED AND
IMPARTIAL JUDGE, JUST AN UMPIRE CALLING BALLS AND
STRIKES SECRETLY THROWN BY GEORGE SOROS AND HILLARY
CLINTON."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) BY THE WAY, THE TESTIMONY IS
STILL GOING ON, RIGHT?
IT WAS STILL GOING ON WHEN I WALKED OUT HERE.
IT'S OVER, OKAY, FINALLY ENDED.
CLEARLY, KAVANAUGH THOUGHT HE ALREADY FACED HIS SENATE
GRILLING, AND WAS UPSET HE WAS BEING SUBJECTED TO MORE.
>> THE BEHAVIOR OF SEVERAL OF THE DEMOCRATIC MEMBERS OF THIS
COMMITTEE AT MY HEARING A FEW WEEKS AGO WAS AN EMBARRASSMENT,
BUT AT LEAST IT WAS JUST A GOOD OLD FASHIONED ATTEMPT AT
BORKING.
>> STEPHEN: SIR, WE'RE HERE BECAUSE OF ACCUSATIONS OF
NON-CONSENSUAL BORKING.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DO YOU KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE?
I WOULDN'T -- BUT DESPITE ALL THIS, HE NEVER
LOST HIS SUNNY DISPOSITION.
>> I AM AN OPTIMISTIC GUY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I'M AN OPTIMISTIC
GUY!
I SEE THE BRIGHT SIDE!
THE GLASS IS HALF FULL!
MY SMILE IS MY UMBRELLA!" ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE GOT A
LITTLE LESS OPTIMISTIC: >> TODAY, I HAVE TO SAY THAT I
FEAR FOR THE FUTURE.
>> STEPHEN: #METOO.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THOUGH, IF YOU JUST STARTED TODAY, YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE TO
THE PARTY.
KAVANAUGH ACKNOWLEDGED THAT DRINKING HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF
HIS FAVORITE PASTIMES.
>> I DRANK BEER WITH MY FRIENDS.
ALMOST EVERYBODY DID.
SOMETIMES I HAD TOO MANY BEERS.
SOMETIMES OTHERS DID.
I LIKED BEER.
I STILL LIKE BEER.
>> STEPHEN: "I HAVE PARTIED WITH SPUDS MACKENSIE.
THE BUDWEISER FROGS.
I HAVE RIDDEN ON THAT SILVER BULLET TRAIN.
ANY BEER COMPANIES OUT THERE LOOKING FOR A SPOKESMAN, YOU
KNOW HOW TO FIND ME.
DILLY DILLY.
WAZZAUP?" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WAZZAUP?" AND BECAUSE IT'S SORT OF AT THE
HEART OF THE STORY THAT DR. BLASEY FORD TOLD,
KAVANAUGH WAS ASKED ABOUT HIS DRINKING MULTIPLE TIMES.
>> HAVE YOU EVER PASSED OUT FROM DRINKING?
>> PASSED OUT WOULD BE NO.
I'VE GONE TO SLEEP, BUT I HAVE NEVER BLACKED OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YES, YES.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T ONE MAN'S
BLACKOUT IS ANOTHER MAN'S STREET NAP.
( LAUGHTER ) WHEN IT CAME TO ANSWERING THE
COMMITTEE'S QUESTIONS, HE HAD A LOT TO SAY.
>> DID YOU CONSUME ALCOHOL DURING YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS?
>> YES.
WE DRANK BEER.
MY FRIENDS AND I, BOYS AND GIRLS, YES, WE DRANK BEER.
I LIKED BEER.
I STILL LIKE BEER.
WE DRANK BEER.
THE DRINKING AGE, AS I NOTED, WAS 18.
SO THE SENIORS WERE LEGAL.
SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL, PEOPLE WERE LEGAL TO DRINK, AND
YEAH WE DRANK BEER, AND I SAID THAT SOMETIMES-- SOMETIMES
PROBABLY HAD TOO MANY BEERS AND SOMETIMES OTHER PEOPLE HAD
TOO MANY BEERS.
WE DRANK BEER.
WE LIKED BEER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: SO THAT'S A YES?
( LAUGHTER ) KAVANAUGH ALSO BROUGHT UP HIS
RELATABLE EXPERIENCE, LIKE COACHING.
>> STEPHEN: I LOVE COACHING MORE THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER
DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
>> STEPHEN: SO GO DO THAT!
FOLLOW YOUR PASSION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU DO YOU!
MAYBE JUST YOU.
( PIANO RIFF ) THEN, FOR SOME REASON, AND I
DON'T KNOW WHY, THE REPUBLICANS DIDN'T WANT THEIR
FEMALE PROSECUTOR TO ASK QUESTIONS TO THE MAN, THEY
WANTED THE MIC FOR THEMSELVES.
LIKE LINDSEY GRAHAM, WHO, AS THE KIDS SAY, "WENT OFF."
>> IF YOU WANTED AN F.B.I.
INVESTIGATION, YOU COULD HAVE COME TO US.
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS DESTROY THIS GUY'S LIFE, HOLD THE SEAT
OPEN, AND HOPE YOU WIN IN 2020.
YOU SAID THAT.
NOT ME.
YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
WHEN YOU SEE SOTOMAYOR AND KAGAN, TELL THEM THAT LINDSAY
SAID HELLO.
BECAUSE I VOTED FOR THEM.
I WOULD NEVER DO TO THEM WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THIS GUY.
THIS IS THE MOST UNETHICAL SHAM SINCE I'VE BEEN IN POLITICS.
I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE GONE THROUGH.
BOY, Y'ALL WANT POWER.
GOD, I HOPE YOU NEVER GET IT.
>> STEPHEN: WOW.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) SOMEBODY REALLY GREW A PAIR WHEN
THE SCARY DOCTOR LADY LEFT THE ROOM.
( LAUGHTER ) SENATOR WHITEHOUSE WENT THROUGH
KAVANAUGH'S HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK QUOTE, AND ASKED HIM ABOUT
"BOOFING," WHICH THE INTERNET SAYS IS A DRINKING TERM.
BUT KAVANAUGH KNOWS BETTER: >> THE NEXT QUESTION IS, JUDGE,
I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS BUFFED OR BOOFED--
HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE THAT?
>> THAT REFERS TO FLATULENCE.
WE WERE 16.
>> STEPHEN: WELL, THE QUOTE IN THE YEARBOOK WAS "HAVE YOU
BOOFED YET?" SO IF YOU BELIEVE KAVANAUGH, HE
WAS SAYING TO HIS FRIENDS, "HEY, YOU'RE A TEENAGER-- HAVE YOU
GOTTEN AROUND TO FARTING YET?
MAN, YOU GOTTA TRY IT!" NOW, IF YOU LOOK IT UP ONLINE,
"BOOFING" REFERS TO THE PRACTICE OF ANALLY INGESTING ALCOHOL OR
DRUGS.
MAYBE -- I DON'T KNOW, IT COULD BE, BUT MAYBE THIS IS WHY HE WAS
CONFUSED ABOUT HIS HOW MUCH HE DRANK IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"OH, YOU MEANT FROM THE MOUTH?" I DIDN'T KNOW.
I'M SURE, I'M SURE -- ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) I'M SURE THAT NOW AS A
RESPONSIBLE ADULT, KAVANAUGH RESTRICTS
HIMSELF TO A SINGLE BOOF OF WINE WITH DINNER.
MMM, MMM, OH, AH, YES.
AH, YES.
I -- OH -- I'M GETTING -- I'M GETTING NOTES OF APRICOT AND
CHOCOLATE WITH A LITTLE TOP NOTES OF LEATHER.
IT'S LOVELY.
LOVELY.
SHA RAZZ, WHAT IS THIS?
( LAUGHTER ) PERHAPS THE KAVANAUGH QUOTE THAT
STICKS WITH ME IS HIS PASSIONATE CONDEMNATION
OF THE HEARING AND ITS REPERCUSSIONS.
>> YOU SOWED THE WIND FOR DECADES TO COME I FEAR THAT THE
WHOLE COUNTRY WILL REAP THE WHIRLWIND.
>> STEPHEN: YOU REALLY NEED A BETTER WEATHERMAN BECAUSE,
BROTHER, THIS IS THE WHIRLWIND.
AND THE WIND WAS SOWN WHEN DONALD TRUMP HAD 19 CREDIBLE
ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AGAINST HIM, BRAGGED ABOUT
SEXUAL ASSAULT ON TAPE, AND YOUR REPUBLICAN ALLIES ON THAT
COMMITTEE SAID, "YEAH, BUT WE WANT OUR GUY ON THE SUPREME
COURT."
AND THAT'S YOU, BRETT.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GUILTY, BUT PLEASE, SAVE YOUR
INDIGNATION THAT FINALLY SOMEONE IS TAKING ONE WOMAN'S ACCUSATION
OF SEXUAL ASSAULT SERIOUSLY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEFF
BRIDGES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )