there we go open for business hey what's with that sign just trying to drum up a
little extra money here psychiatric help $5 that was my idea and if I remember
correctly you mocked me for it yeah but then you made $5 so here we are
it took years to build up the reputation that I have you won't get any clients as
a matter of fact I have a very big client who has an appointment shortly
very big I'm sure who is it doctor-patient confidentiality means I
cannot tell you I bet this client only exists in your imagination you'll see
this is a good time to review my notes Rey oh there you are kylo Ren and by
the way I'm not Rey I'm sorry it's hard to see in this mask please take a seat
so how have things been going since our last session you know the usual things
all right I guess kylo have you been strangling people
again whoa kylo you can be honest with me alright
maybe I strangled a few people but they were just first order generals who
disagreed with me now kylo you can't just keep strangling your way out of
your disagreements we talked about that I know I know
wait are you disagreeing with me hey let's just move on
excellent decision leading the first order must cause you a lot of stress oh
you don't even know the half of it we go through stormtroopers like that how are
you handling the stress are you working on your deep breathing exercises I have
but every time I do it just makes me sound like my grandfather
you mean Darth Vader right yeah he was kind of known for his deep
breathing and we all know how that worked out for him you know another way
to relieve stress would be a hobby do you have any hobbies hmm yes I do
what's that strangling people that doesn't count as a hobby I mean
something like you know needlepoint do you think kylo Ren should do
needlepoint yeah why not you might find a whole new side to yourself well I did
once make a necklace see that's what I'm talking about yeah it was really cool I
strung it with the ears of my fallen enemies maybe you should do a hobby that
doesn't involve impaling perhaps collecting you mean like collecting the
ears of my fallen enemies no I meant something like bottle caps well I did
have a collection of heads but I started running out of room it's not easy living
on a spaceship well maybe the hobby doesn't have to be
something like collecting it could be travel Oh traveling is all I do get on
the ship go to a planet destroy the planet get back on the ship go to the
next one repeat and how does that make you feel tired I like speed skip so much
my coworkers call me Skippy behind my back and how does that make you feel
like strangling them let's talk about your co-workers do you have any friends
uh what I do it never seems to last very long Kyle oh do you strangle your
friends sometimes but it's mostly just because people can't relate to me oh now
we're getting somewhere what do you mean by that all the people
in the dark side don't really trust me because my parents were han and Leia and
those who are a lot to live up to but the rebels don't really trust me either
because I always just be Darth Vader's grandson that mask kind of makes it hard
for people to forget grandpa Vader now that was a man with
strangling issues you think I'm bad talk to him
perhaps you're blaming your heritage too much after all you did kill Han Solo
what can I say you wanted out of the franchise
how about female friends what about Rey Oh rey
I don't know what'll make that woman happy what do you mean not only did I
offer her my hand but half of the entire galaxy when we roll it together but she
keeps turning me down that must have been really disappointing for you but
maybe she's just scared you're right I think she is scared of commitment no I
mean she's just literally scared of you why would anyone be afraid of me um oh
yeah the multiple killings and the stranglings too don't forget those hey I
don't kill everyone that I strangle really sometimes I just do it to make a
point or to show people that I care you know like when Homer Simpson strangles
his son okay maybe this means you're just not a people person but there's a
lot of other life forms in the galaxy Aliens? I don't know I meant more like
animals have you ever had a pet well I did have a goldfish great how did that
go it died when I forgot to feed it for a month while I was traveling I'm sorry
but that does happen with goldfish have you tried a more robust pet oh yeah I
did I had a baby Yoda Oh baby Yoda they're so cute uh yeah it died too did
you forget to feed the baby Yoda uh no actually I strangled it you strangled
baby Yoda well it made a mess on the carpet really actually it made the mess
on the carpet while I was strangling it but he had it coming
well we're nearing the end of the session so let's talk about what we're
gonna work on all right okay what do you suggest well first I
want you to think of three things that bring you joy whoo I got to already
killing and strangling don't cat oh and after that I want you to work on your
relationship with Rey I've tried communicating with her many
times no using the Force to spy on her but she's the one who used it to spy on
me and now everyone's body shaming me on the Internet
two wrongs don't make a right no more force spying can I at least just say
Rey every once in a while just to keep her on her toes fine moving on I want
you to work on some skills that don't involve using the force you know like
your lightsaber skills that sounds like it could be fun yeah all the way anyone
values hand-to-hand combat skills in this day and age still is a mystery of
me Oh but have you seen me play fruit ninja down at the arcade
there you go so work on those skills
looking good yeah I think this session did me a lot of good today
whoa you do realize that's just a toy don't you I know that practicing indoors
with a real lightsaber would be dangerous
I mean I'm crazy but I'm not that crazy so what are you doing that the rest of
the day hmm we had such a good session I think I'm
gonna go out and celebrate the only way I know how
no more strangling Kylo oh well what if they deserve it I mean didn't I hear you
arguing with your sister earlier hmm no if anyone's gonna strangle my sister I
want it to be me that's the spirit well I'll see you next week my next client
will be here soon awkward killing and strangling don't have why is this so
hard to say come on you gotta stop messing up all right all right yeah
although why anyone values here behind combat skills in this day and age is
skills in this day and age still is a wonder to me now Kylo oh you can't I
know I know whoa sorry my voice another way those
are a lot but the rebels don't really trust me either because always just be
Darth Vader's grandson sorry but she keeps turning me down
and if you ever happen to meet kylo Ren tell him Jillian and Addie sent yeah so
that was kylo Ren in therapy if you liked this video be sure to click the
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