What about masturbation in marriage?
Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson.
We just concluded in our previous six Little Lessons a series that I called Help, I'm in
a Low Sex or No Sex Marriage.
One of the questions that has been posed to us by one of our wonderful Little Lessons
viewers is, "What about masturbation in marriage?"
I believe that they're implying that this would be related to one of those low sex or
no sex marriages.
Is that a solution?
I've got a low sex marriage.
I need it more than my wife is willing to give it, and so I masturbate or visa versa.
Is that right or wrong?
Should I do it or should I not?
Well, great question, epidemic problem inside and outside of the church world and body of
Christ, but I think the answer is obvious, and I don't think the scripture would ... Nothing's
clear.
It's God's will for husbands and wives to be engaged in a sexual relationship on a consistent
basis.
Remember, one of our key scriptures we read was in 1 Corinthians 7:5 where Paul told husbands
and wives, "Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote
yourselves to pray.
Come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
What he's saying there is the spouse who deprives his or her spouse of sex, which they shouldn't
be doing that, they're sinning against their spouse, and they're opening the door for Satan
to tempt their spouse.
Now, some interpreters will say tempt them to masturbate.
I actually don't read that, nor do I see that because I don't find that masturbation is
mentioned anywhere else in the Bible as being something that is grievous to God in itself.
We covered that before this other series.
I did a whole big long series on masturbation and sexual desire and lust and so forth.
In my personal opinion, the temptation is then to go for sex outside of marriage.
That would be to commit adultery, and that is a real temptation.
That's the real danger.
When you're setting your spouse up for that kind of temptation, that can be deadly.
That's why this is so important.
Now, I don't believe that masturbation is the solution.
It might seem to be the only solution.
It's obviously a better solution than going out and committing adultery, but it's not
the best solution at all and, especially, oh my goodness, especially if in masturbation
you're thinking about somebody other than your spouse.
We know that's wrong because do you want your wife masturbating thinking about somebody
else besides yourself?
No, well, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you and visa versa.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
This is the golden rule.
We know that's wrong.
I have also been asked the question, "What if you're separated because your job takes
you away from your husband or your wife for extended periods of time?
Is it okay to masturbate as long as you're thinking about them?"
I can't personally see any harm in that.
Better than going out and committing adultery, but you have to watch what's going on in your
mind, but anyways, let me stay on topic here.
If you're finding yourself resorting to masturbation in marriage
and there's no extenuated circumstances like separation because of a job or the last days
of pregnancy or things of this kind of nature where it just makes it really, really at maintaining
normal, regular sexual relationship, barring those things, pushing those things aside,
if you're resorting to it because of the fact that you're not being sexually satisfied by
your spouse because he or she is not as interested as you are, well, then, go back and watch
all these videos that I just made.
There were six of them all together.
This is like actually like number seven.
See if you can learn something there for husbands or for wives.
I spoke mostly to husbands, because they're the ones who complain about this the most.
It's husbands who are more likely to masturbate.
Now, wife, let's say you catch your husband masturbating.
Now, time to communicate.
Don't take offense, although I can understand how you'd be offended, but handle this gently
and say to your husband, "Boy, am I missing it somewhere here?
Is there something that ... Because I could do that for you.
It could be drawing us together, but I catch you doing it by yourself, it's not drawing
us together.
It's kind of like turning me off.
I'm thinking maybe he's thinking about somebody else.
Maybe he's got a mistress in his mind and so forth.
Could I be better at satisfying your sexual drive and desires?
Am I missing it here?"
Again, please, don't take what I'm saying here out of the context of what I have said
in the previous six Little Lessons.
This works both ways.
Husbands and wives should be talking.
They should be talking while they're having sex.
Yeah.
What feels good?
What do I like?
What do I not like?
What do I wish would happen next?
What's too fast?
What's too slow?
What's too hard?
What's too soft?
All that kind of stuff needs to be communicated so that we're striving to be the best lovers
we possibly can be because this is a gift from God designed to glue people together
in ecstasy and in love, added to everything else because there's so many wonderful benefits
of marriage.
All those benefits, there's always the potential downside to all these things that God gives
us because we misuse them or we have no finesse or we miss a nuance like having kids is a
wonderful thing, but if you don't raise them right, it becomes a hellish thing.
Parents who figure out how to do it, man, oh my goodness, there's no way to put a number
on the blessing of having kids in your family and raising them in the nurture and the admonition
of the Lord.
To answer the original question, masturbation in marriage, generally speaking would be a
yellow flag raising.
Something is not exactly right here.
It certainly isn't God's best, and it's time to communicate with love, not with accusation,
but with humility.
You can work it out.
Listen to that old song by The Beatles, "We can work it out.
We can work it out."
If The Beatles could work it out, they weren't even Christians.
If The Beatles could work it out, you can work it out too.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Hope to see you next time.
God bless you.