INFJ will always be a confusing personality type,
even to themselves because of the unique make up of their cognitive functions.
Introverted Intuition (Ni) is their dominant function.
It drives INFJs to focus on the big picture and internalize abstract ideas, and possibilities.
This intuitive process fosters a strong sense of self and a unique perspective on the world.
Introverted Intuition (Ni) is where INFJs get
their desire for individuality. It leads them to value their own
insights and seek out opportunities for self expression and independence.
Opposing that is their auxiliary function Extraverted Feeling (Fe).
It gives INFJs the ability to be sensitive to the emotional needs of others. It is
what gives them their capacity for deep empathy, and their drive to establish and
maintain connections with people, and create harmony in their environment.
It can therefore be said the objectives of their most dominant functions can
create quite a complex interplay of needs and desires for them.
And so is it any wonder INFJs have this never ending conflict of self?
INFJs are often defined by these two opposing drives: the profound need for deep, meaningful
connections with others, and an equally strong desire for personal freedom and individuality.
So let’s explore further, the 2 Inner Battles Every INFJ Faces.
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Identity vs Belonging
An identity is who or what a person or thing is. Your identity defines who you are.
It is a self-representation of your interests, relationships, social activity and much more.
Belonging means to feel a sense of welcome and acceptance to someone or something.
As suggested by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a psychological theory centered on humans’ innate
desire for fulfillment, belonging is a need that we all naturally seek in order to feel loved.
The journey to find identity and belonging can often be a one of an INFJs greatest struggles.
As highly introspective and empathetic types they often ask themselves,
‘who am I?’ verses ‘who do others want me to be?’ and ‘where do I belong? Where do I fit in?’
Who am I?
INFJs most dominant function Introverted Intuition (Ni) significantly contributes
to their self awareness and desire for self determination.
Introverted Intuition works as an INFJs inner bluebrint.
Carl Jung has been known to refer to it as an
“irrational” function as it is incapable of making decisions.
Through Introverted Intuition INFJs perceive the world and gather information. This means they
mostly pay attention to their inner thoughts and feelings to discover hidden meanings and
connections between their inner world of thoughts and ideas, and what's happening around them.
Their intuition channels their mental resources towards their unconscious,
driving them to discover ever deeper meanings, significance, and patterns.
Due to this propensity to look inward, INFJs will tend to be inclined towards
independence and self-reliance. Predisposed to trusting themselves, their own thoughts,
feelings, intuitions, or sensations, more than they do external sources.
This is why Jung associated Introverted Intuition with subjectivity. In his view,
INFJs relied heavily on the perceptions and judgments of their own inner world.
INFJs search for identity
INFJs tendency for introspection often means they are confronted
with the problem of identity much earlier than other types.
From a very young age they are driven to not only understand but to some extent define who they are,
separate from their surroundings. They believe that their identity must be a
unique and immutable “core self,” one that remains steady and consistent throughout time and place.
They feel this deep need to find their own way because the idea of
blindly following societal prescriptions is tantamount to self-rejection. It feels like
giving up their individuality to be part of a group will mean losing their true selves.
So instead of going along with everyone else, they feel compelled to create their own path.
Unfortunately however, understanding and defining their core self often proves more
challenging than they anticipate. Many find that it takes years, sometimes even decades,
for their concept of self to actualize in any sort of satisfying and enduring way.
Turning point
Being an INFJs can be hard, especially during early to mid-adulthood.
As kids, INFJs are still guided by their parents rules, such as going to school everyday.
But everything changes when they grow up and leave home.
Suddenly, they face many choices and opportunities, from new experiences
to different jobs where there is no prompt or gentle nudge from anyone else.
While they might like the idea of total freedom,
having so many options can be incredibly overwhelming for an INFJ.
Some might even wish they could go back to the simpler times of their childhood.
But they can't avoid reality, and soon they have those big questions:
Who am I? What should I do? What do I want in life? They believe
that if they could just find the answers, things would be easier.
If they could just ignore the world's noise and listen to themselves,
they'd feel more sure about their choices.
The worlds noise
To counteract their introspective nature INFJs also have an extroverted side.
This is driven by their auxiliary function Extraverted Feeling (Fe).
Extraverted feeling (Fe) is concerned with keeping group harmony, bringing people together, reading
other people’s emotions, following social norms and fitting into something larger than oneself.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is an INFJs second strongest function. It is wired to operate in
an extraverted fashion and compels INFJs to look outward. If the needs of this function are not
adequately met, INFJs will find themselves feeling incomplete and unsatisfied with their lives.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe) prompts INFJs to consider their relationship with others
and the world at large, including the way that others perceive them.
Tension between inner and outer worlds
In INFJs their Extraverted Feeling (Fe) function comes into direct conflict with
their Introverted Intuition (Ni). This yearning to look inward versus the need
to look outward creates a profound sense of inner tension and division of self.
When their extraverted functions come knocking, INFJs are forced to consider a broader range of
factors and values, beyond their internal world. This disrupts their intuitive inclinations and
forces them to redirect their gaze toward a less familiar and less comfortable outside world.
Their extraverted needs and desires must now also be factored into their decision-making.
This outside world can sometimes be scary or tough to comprehend, however it can also be
really interesting and fun experience for an I NF J who is mature enough to appreciate it,
as it breaks them out of their introverted comfort zone, and challenges them to grow.
INFJs can enjoy getting involved in activities, chats, cultural events, or new experiences.
These can be exciting at the time and also give them lots to think about later.
The Balancing Act
From an early age, INFJs strive to understand and define their identity,
separate from their surroundings. This introspective journey,
often challenging and time-consuming, is central to their development.
Their Introverted Intuition function (Ni) can be very isolating in the
way it creates their own idea of the world and that's the one they live in,
even if they move through and are affected by the "real" world with everyone else.
Every time their personal framework clashes against their societal norm
they are reminded of it.
INFJs often feel so inherently different from other people that
it makes them conscious of fitting in and playing a harmonizing role.
We often see descriptions of the INFJ not being as individualistic as other types,
because of the way they mirror the posture and
maybe even some mannerisms of the people around them to "gel" better.
Or that they are more content to blend with a crowd rather than stand out.
This tension between introspection and empathy, individuality and connection,
self-definition and belonging, often defines an INFJs life journey.
Do you think this is true? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.