- Who's single in here? Raise your hands.
[audience cheers]
Who's ready to mingle in here?
[audience cheers]
Less than the people that were single.
[laughter]
That's not even-- but anyway.
Look around, find each other,
and then get together after the show.
Good luck. [laughter]
You're welcome.
It's not easy to find love, and that's why,
whenever I hear about a new dating site,
I like to share it with you to help you out.
It seems like nowadays there's a site for everyone.
I mean, they're so individualized now.
This one right here I found is called Cougar Life.
[laughter]
In case you don't know, a cougar
is a woman who wants to date a much younger man.
Of course, there is also a name
for men who want to date much younger women.
They're called men.
[laughter]
She's-- [cheers and applause]
Yeah. That's right.
[chuckles]
It took you a minute.
You're like, "Yes, that is right, Ellen."
[laughter]
She's holding a pie because, of course,
that's how you attract younger men.
[laughter]
It's the pie they're after.
Here's a site, and it's called Love Horse.
And it's a dating site.
It says, "Dating for horse and country lovers."
And the way it works is, if you like someone,
you click yes, and if you're not interested,
you click "nay."
[laughter]
Thank you.
[applause] Thank you.
Thanks so much.
It's a great place to find a "stable" partner.
[laughter]
I'm done. I'm done.
This next one was started by someone who wasn't having
a lot of luck with online dating so he made his own site,
and it is called datebrandonscottwolf.com.
[laughter]
So it says, "The number one online dating site
for Brandon Scott Wolf."
So if you're looking for Brandon Scott Wolf,
look no further.
He's right there.
This is definitely the best place
to meet Brandon Scott Wolf.
Here's one, and this is called Dating for Hippies.
[laughter]
It says, "Meet 'free-spirited' singles near you."
And I believe "free-spirited" is code for "does not shower."
[laughter]
Look at them-- the way they're kissing.
I don't know what that-- what's happening.
It's not really kissing.
It's more like he's like, "What's that smell?
Is that you?" [laughter]
"Is that me? Who is it?
It's one of us. Who smells like that?"
She's like, "I don't know. It's someone."
[laughter]
They don't-- they're just like--
they think they're hugging a tree.
They're not supposed to kiss it. They just--
If you live in Colorado, you might want to
check out Stoner Singles.
[laughter]
Yeah.
[applause]
Yep.
I'm confused by this.
This site doesn't even look finished yet--
which makes sense, 'cause it's made...
[laughter] By a stoner.
Anyway, for all you singles out there,
I hope that helps, and for all you married people,
I hope it makes you grateful that you're not single.
[laughter]