Translator: Josephine O'Donnell Reviewer: Vanessa Soneghet
Sadness is an inevitable part of our lives.
Sadness happens to all of us,
sometimes in heartbreakingly awful ways.
Only in much of the world, we're pretty poor at handling it,
and this can be isolating for those experiencing it
as well as baffling for those trying to help loved ones through dark times.
In other cultures,
people are more in touch with their emotions,
good and bad.
So, mourning in Greece is a big public affair.
In Bhutan, crematoriums are centrally located
so children grow up with an understanding that loss and death are inevitable.
The Brazilians have a national holiday in honour of Saudade,
the concept of nostalgia or melancholy for a happiness that once was,
even a happiness you really hoped for.
Imagine that.
A whole day dedicated to feeling sad about the fact
that life hasn't worked out the way you'd hoped.
It's smart, right?
Because sadness is going to happen,
so we might as well know how to do it right.
Six years ago, I started researching 'The Atlas of Happiness',
uncovering the global secrets of how to be happy.
And I discovered an amazing phenomenon.
Some people don't want to be happy.
Some people want to miserable.
They are rare,
but I had someone come up to me just last week
and tell me he enjoyed being miserable.
Now, I'm not saying that the truly unhappy have chosen to be that way.
Life can blindside all of us.
1 in 4 of us will suffer from mental health problems,
but we can all fall prey
to what neuroscientists call a downward spiral,
where we become stuck, unfocused and down.
Now, the tuning of our brain is down to three forces:
genetics, early childhood experience
and life style.
So, the first two, we can't control,
but the third, we can.
I'm not saying you can cure depression -
a little like alcoholism, you're never cured -
but you can learn to manage it.
It isn't easy,
but there are scientifically proven methods that can help,
and we are hardwired to seek out happiness to stay afloat.
Some people are outraged by this notion that hope is universal,
that people all over the world are finding ways
to pursue pleasure and live a good life regardless of their circumstances.
Some people think that happiness research
is somehow too lightweight to be taken seriously.
That it's a distraction
from the very important business of being angry all the time.
(Laughter)
You know what though?
Those people tend to be angry -
all the time.
(Laughter)
Nothing wrong with being angry in small doses.
Just as there's nothing wrong with being sad sometimes.
It's important to be in touch with our sad side
if we want to be happier.
So, last year,
I spent some time researching the Chinese concept of 'xingfu'.
Often translated as 'happiness' in English,
xingfu actually refers not to a good mood,
but a good life -
one that is sufficient, sustainable and has meaning.
It isn't necessarily an easy, pleasant existence.
In fact, the Chinese character for 'xing' represents torture.
You know, life may be hard, but it will have meaning,
and a good life isn't about being 'jazz hands' happy all the time.
As I should know.
Because as well as writing about happiness,
I've also suffered from depression for as long as I can remember.
I've done antidepressants.
I've had 20 years of psychotherapy.
People are often surprised when they hear this,
that the woman who wrote the book on happiness, twice,
could get depressed.
But it's true.
These days, I use everything in my resilience tool kit
to keep my mental and physical health intact.
And really, it makes me better at my job.
It means I get it.
I know what works and what doesn't.
And there are ways we can all boost our likelihood of staving off misery.
We see these in action all over the world,
unique concepts that people are using to live a good life and stay happy.
But in researching happiness,
I've also had some fascinating insights into how -
if you really want to -
you can avoid it.
How you can maximise your chances of misery instead.
So, if you are one of those people who is truly committed to getting glum,
like the man I met last week,
let me take you by the hand and show you how,
with ten lessons for living miserably.
(Laughter)
First up,
don't have friends.
(Laughter)
Frequency of contact with people we care about
is one of the key indicators for happiness worldwide.
Take Australia, for example.
94 percent of Aussies
say they know someone they could rely on in time of need,
according to OECD data -
one of the highest in the world.
And Australians are unusally open to making new friends
via face to face interaction.
So, they'll chat to a stranger while getting coffee.
They might even say, 'Want to grab a beer later?'
and then they'll actually go.
It's mind blowing for those of us in Northern Europe.
Right?
(Laughter)
But this approach to friendship
has helped make Australia one of the happiest nations in the world.
Costa Rica is another country where friendship is prioritized.
And Costa Ricans enjoy higher levels of well-being
than many of the wealthiest countries globally.
As one Tico put it in an interview,
they said, 'If a Tico meets you once, they'll talk and be really friendly.
If they meet you a second time, they'll be hugging and making plans.
And from then on in, you're friends for life.'
(Laughter)
Which is nice, right?
And this matters because friends increase our sense of belonging,
they reduce stress,
and having friends at work
has even been proven to make the day seem like it goes faster.
Friends make us happier.
We were made to be social creatures.
I found out during my research that the only mammal that can survive solo
is the pygmy hippo.
So, we are not pygmy hippos;
we need friends, they make us happy.
If you want to be miserable, ditch yours.
Then,
prioritize money above and beyond your basic needs.
Researchers from San Francisco State University
have found that it's experiences rather than stuff that make us happy.
So skip those,
and never go to Bhutan.
In Bhutan, 'Gross National Happiness'
is measured and prioritised ahead of Gross National Product.
So, although practised informally throughout Bhutanese history,
the term was coined in 1972,
when King Wangchuck the fourth -
here he is, he's very much the James Dean of the Himalayas.
(Laughter)
We'll just look at him for a moment.
He told a journalist from the Financial Times
that Gross National Happiness
was more important to him than Gross National Product.
Now, since then,
the government has championed policies
that measure prosperity via the health and happiness of its citizens
and the natural environnement.
So, every decision taken by government
is filtered through the prism of 'Will this make people happier?'
And it works.
Life expectancy has doubled in Bhutan,
education is now universal,
and people are happier.
So, since 2011,
the UN has been trying to get the rest of the world to adopt these principles.
So, if you want to be miserable, don't be like the Bhutanese.
Put money first.
Then,
be a bigot.
(Laughter)
Canada ranks as one of the happiest countries in the world,
and it's thought that Canadian spirit of inclusivity
and approach to embracing First Nations' culture
plays a big part in this.
There are strong links between inclusivity, diversity and well-being,
and studies show that if we feel included,
we're actually four times more likely to report high levels of well-being.
If you hate women, by any chance,
that's also really helpful for misery.
(Laughter)
Studies show, in societies with more sexual equality, like Scandinavia,
everyone is happier, healthier,
and both men and women, interestingly, sleep better.
So, to be miserable,
try hating everyone to be on the safe side.
Then,
get a job you hate.
(Laughter)
Denmark has the happiest workforce in the world,
and they also have 'arbejdsglæde'.
From 'arbejde', the Danish for work, and 'glæde', the word for happiness,
it literally means 'happiness at work',
something that is prioritised in Denmark.
Okay, so most Danes can study for free
and even get paid to do so over the age of 18,
so more people can train in fields that they're interested in.
The flat, hierarchical structure
means that it's totally okay to call out a boss or a colleague,
and there's a real love of consensus, so everyone gets a say.
Because of the high taxes,
most Danes aren't primarily motivated by money at work either.
So they opt for a job they actually like.
The result is that 70 percent of Danes say that they love their job so much
that they'd keep working even if they didn't need the money.
And Denmark has been ranked the happiest country in the world since the 1970s.
So, if you want to be miserable, don't be like the Danes.
Get a job you hate.
Then, work all the time.
(Laughter)
Work all the hours your god sends,
and you'll be guaranteed a daily dose of misery.
Keep working
because rest and relaxation are crucial for mental health and happiness.
The Italians,
kings and queens of the care free,
have a phrase, 'dolce far niente',
or the 'sweetness of doing nothing',
that's all about savouring the moment and really enjoying the present.
Which is almost radical in its simplicity
because many of us search for relaxation by travelling to exotic locations
or drinking to oblivion
or trying to blot out the noise of modern life.
But Italians let the chaos wash over them.
They will sink into it like a hot bath.
Instead of saving up their fun quota for an annual escape or a boozy weekend,
they will spread it out over the minutes, hours and days throughout the year,
and they enjoy life in all its messy reality -
and they eat gelato a lot.
So, if we want to be miserable, we should not be like the Italians;
instead, we should demand perfection.
We should ignore the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-sabi,
or the beauty of imperfection.
You should forget about the Kintsugi,
the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics with metallic lacquor
so the cracks, far from being concealed, are highlighted in pure gold,
celebrated even.
Instead of celebrating our scars,
we should see flaws everywhere.
To be miserable, we should critique everything,
and be satisfied with nothing.
Because perfectionist tendencies have been found to lead to
anxiety, depression, anorexia, bulimia, OCD, PTSD,
chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, indigestion
and early death.
(Laughter)
Which all means that general misery should be a walk in the park, right?
Speaking of which,
stay indoors.
Numerous studies have found
that spending time in nature is good for our mental health and our well-being.
And Norwegians love it so much that 'friluftsliv', or 'free air life',
is akin to a secular religion.
Seriously, has anyone been to Norway recently?
Norwegians spend most of their time
whizzing down ski slopes, singing Aha songs.
(Laughter)
It's true, I was there researching 'The Atlas of Happiness',
and people were even out there when it was minus 20 degrees.
They were out there getting their 'friluftsliv' on
in weather so cold, my eyelashes froze open.
(Laughter)
But, you know what?
They were still happy.
I know, right?
So, if you want to be miserable,
don't go outdoors and exercise like the Norwegians.
Also off limits,
stories.
Icelanders are the biggest readers in the world,
and they're always dancing around the top of the happiness polls.
Brain scans show that when we read,
we mentally rehearse
the activities, sights and sounds of a story,
stimulating our neural pathways.
And getting immersed in a book
has also been proven to help improve empathy and levels of group bonding.
In Ireland too, there's a big legacy of storytelling.
'The Craic' is a national institution.
And Ireland is often happier in the polls
than the country's history or circumstances might suggest.
And now if you think you can get around this
by suggesting really sad or depressing stories,
bad luck, they're out too.
Because sad stories have been shown in blood tests to produce oxytocin,
the hormone of care and connection.
And scary stories trigger endorphins,
as our body gets ready to fight off imagined pain in real life.
So, getting scared and sharing sad stories can, counterintuitively, make us happier.
I'm afraid if you want to be miserable,
you can't listen to music either.
Studies have long shown that music has the power to alter our mood,
and listening to live music has added benefits:
reducing stress and promoting group bonding.
In Arabic,
there's even a word for the heightened emotional effect
and euphoria associated with certain types of music,
and it's 'tarab'.
Now, tarab music has the power to make us feel like we belong,
give us an identity, and even help us heal.
A 2012 study found that mice
who were played Verdi's 'La Traviata' during recovery from a heart transplant -
don't ask -
(Laughter)
they lived almost four times as long as mice who were denied their fill of opera.
So, tarab is essentially life support, right?
It certainly kept me going.
FYI: my own, personal break in case of emergency
is Van Halen's 'Jump'.
You're welcome.
Finally, if you want to be miserable,
bottle up your feelings.
All evidence from neuroscience, the patriarchy, the British
indicates that bottling things up leads to misery and war, if not both.
In Mauri culture, bottling it up is the antithesis to the famous Hacker,
a ceremonial group song with accompanying movements,
typically involving stamping, shouting or powerful gestures,
brought to a worldwide audience by New Zealand's All Blacks.
But Hacker isn't about aggression.
In Mauri culture,
a strength and showing emotion are one and the same.
And the goal of Hacker is a reconnection of body, mind and spirit.
A Mauri teacher I worked with
described it as a way to orchestrate a type of unkempt energy
that many of us don't know we have,
and then offer it back to us in a way we understand.
Which, frankly, I found terrifying to start with
because in much of the world, we bottle up our emotions.
But Hacker is about letting these go with an open heart.
So, if you want to be miserable, don't do that.
Stay repressed instead.
Try not to feel anything at all, in fact, good or bad.
Because here's the biggest secret to living well wherever you are:
happiness and unhappiness aren't always mutually exclusive.
It's important to be in touch with our sad side if we want to be happier.
So, if you're current life goals look a little like this,
well done, you,
you're already winning at misery.
(Laughter)
But if you'd like to take a break from misery,
try cherishing friendship,
book a trip to Bhutan,
love everyone,
enjoy your job and then take the day off,
mess things up,
enjoy the great outdoors,
share your stories,
play Van Halen,
feel all the feels,
and give happiness a go.
Because these are tough times,
no question.
But giving up isn't the anwser.
If we give up hope, we stop trying.
So, today more than ever, optimism isn't frivolous,
it's necessary.
And we can all get happier by learning how to be sad - better.
Thank you.
(Applause)