relationships take some maintenance and every time something changes we have a
new challenge on our hands how do you save your marriage after you have a baby
today we're talking about how to save your marriage
after having a baby relationships they just take a lot of maintenance they do
and I think sometimes we forget that we need to maintain all of our
relationships especially during seasons of change as a mother it's just our
nature to become consumed really souped because really you are everything for
this child right at the beginning and you have to be yeah
really that's really okay and so you got to find a way to maintain the other
relationships in your world especially with your spouse I think sometimes to
maintain that relationship with your spouse you also have to maintain a
relationship with yourself there's kind of a people priority here actually when
we talk about relationships if we were to put them in order of priority within
the family let's just go within the family for now I think the number one
relationship within the family is yourself mm-hmm right right and I've
shared a story before about a mom that was working with me who I had her list
everyone and everything that she's responsible for that she has to take
care of and she's writing furiously and turns the page it goes to the next page
and then she starts slowing down and pretty soon she's okay got it
guess it was not on the list no where was her nowhere who's gonna take care of
her as she's busy taking care of the baby and take care of her husband so
self is first okay second is spouse that trips a lot of people up if I am even
gonna take care of myself next has got to be my baby but the very best thing
you can do is have a strong relationship with your spouse yes or whoever your
support system is that is so important there are times in seasons
okay so right after you have a baby you get consumed with this baby it's hard to
remember that a more important relationship here is the one that you
have with your spouse now I have to acknowledge also
that there are many of you who are watching who don't have a spouse or were
things are kind of bumpy with the spouse and that's why we're having this
conversation right okay if you don't have a spouse currently if you're not in
that kind of a relationship we collapse that list a little bit you still have to
take care of yourself first if you're married that spouse is the second most
important relationship in the family third is children and I'm not saying
they're not important they made the list okay and then after that is extended
family because you got other family besides your spouse and your kids but
they're not as important to you as your spouse any kids right and sometimes
taking care of yourself is maintaining some relationships otherwise as well it
might be a friend part of taking care of yourself is hanging out with a friend or
something like that or a hobby so just remember to take care of yourself in
fact that's probably one of the hardest things to do when you want to work on
your marriage but you've got this new baby it's hard to think oh I should take
care of myself too we're saying do that first take care of yourself first I was
on a plane yesterday Vicki you know that oxygen mask routine and they like put
these oxygen masks on put your own first and then to help the child that you're
traveling with or someone who needs your assistance so take time for yourself and
find ways to build yourself back up I remember after I'd had maybe three
kids I went out to lunch with my sister who didn't have children yet and I was
telling her how I just kind of felt lost I didn't really know what I liked
anymore what made me happy here what I could do and I was just like you know
what it's like to feel lost and she really truly didn't at that point I
think it's just so you've got to take time for yourself it doesn't need to be
a really long time I understand depending on the different stages of
life you may or may not have a lot of time but find some time to take for
yourself and at the same time you've got to make time for your marriage you have
to make that time it's a lot of work to organize or do whatever you have to do
enlist other people but find a way to make time for the marriage itself so let
me address that for a moment too because we're not in this
alone and you will need to enroll some resources in order to do this you might
have people in your community in your apartment complex in your neighborhood
who are willing and available and trustworthy to watch your baby for you
well you take time for yourself and make time for your marriage this is one of
the best things that you can do for your child because you're creating a much
more stable home environment for that child by working on yourself and on your
marriage and you might be surprised to find that other people are in the same
boat there are other people that would need the help we used to do a lot of
things like that when I had little ones at home we would find ways to help one
another out maybe we would trade and for two hours on one time say I would watch
their kids while they got two hours off to do whatever they needed to do and
then vice versa the next week I got my two hours so it's an exchange it's a
trade-off yeah it's a great way to find the
support that you need for yourself which then gives you some of the energy you
need to work on your marriage right and you're not in this alone thank you for
being here and for caring enough about your family to create a peaceful
environment at home through these skills and strategies Vicky and I are so happy
to be on your team and if you haven't connected yet to the parenting powerup
you can do it right over there or there's a link down below
parenting power up calm you hear more wisdom from this brilliant lady and
hopefully build a little bit more peaceful home for you yes won't that
feel great