-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Now I got to share some of my favorite
airport-fail stories from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one is from @BamaBeano.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-He says, "I was running late for a connecting flight
that was leaving in 5 minutes,
so I had to race from gate A to gate G.
Halfway there, I realized someone was yelling after me,
"Run, Forrest, run!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-BamaBeano!
-This one's from @ColleenM.
She says, "I was fiddling with the side of my plane seat
and grasped something I thought was the recliner handle.
Then I realized they had decided to stretch out behind me.
I had grabbed their bare foot." -Oh!
-Oh! Oh! -Oh!
-Ugh! [ Laughter ]
This one's from @Deanna-MAD.
She says, "I took an edible while waiting at the airport,
ended up missing my flight on purpose
because I was too relaxed and wanted to finish watching
"The Great British Bake Off." [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Hawa-- Hawaii is not going anywhere."
-"Yeah, man." [ Laughs ] -"Hawaii's not going anywhere."
-"Oh, ate a foot." [ Laughter ]
-This one's from @Le-Marz. She says, "My brother and I
were at a self-check-in machine
when a woman behind us asked for help.
After that, everyone thought we were airport employees.
We were there for three hours checking people into Toronto."
[ Laughter and applause ] "Uh, sure."
This one's from @WFord22.
He says, "I was walking in the airport to my gate
when a little kid ran past me
yelling, "The poop is coming out!"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -Oh!
-"Run, Forrest, run!" [ Laughter ]
-Gate number 2.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
This one's from @BohemianJenn.
She says, "A legit clown once sat next to me on a plane.
When we made eye contact, he felt the need to assure me
that he was 'a good clown, not a creepy clown.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Or is that what a creepy clown would say to trick you
into thinking... -Trick you.
-This one's from @Danielita89.
She says, "I fell asleep during a long layover
and woke up to a little girl poking me
and asking out loud, 'Mommy, is she alive?'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Leave the dead lady alone, sweetheart."
-"Don't touch her."
The last one is from @KatyByrneDesign.
She says, "I once sat next to a man
who slammed two servings of nachos
right after takeoff.
Later, when the flight hit turbulence,
he started yelling, "This isn't going to end well!"
[ Laughter and applause ] There you have it.
Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Alright, here are some of my favorite
Worst Lie I Ever Told tweets from you guys.
Um, this one's from @TheFaithHam.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, yeah.
-I got faith in ham. -She says, uh,
"I would hide in the pantry to eat candy
so my kids wouldn't see. When they found me,
I told them I had been praying."
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-Oh! Oh! That's not gonna be good.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-This one's from @FERGet-it.
He says, "I once told my sister there was a coin
between a nickel and a dime called a 'dickel.'"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cymbals clash ]
[ Laughter and applause ] Oh, yeah.
[ Laughs ]
-No, whoa!
-She believ-- -Hello!
-"She believed in 'dickels' for a week."
There you go.
-I've believe in dickels all my life.
-"How many dickels is that?" Yeah.
-Hmm!
-This is from @BelleofBabel.
She says, "I told my niece and nephew
that it's illegal to get married before 30
so they'd stop asking why I'm not married."
Like, "Enough! Enough. It's illegal."
-"I don't believe in dickels."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-This one's from @MMMorganTX.
She said, "I would spray wiper fluid
as we passed the park and tell my daughter
we couldn't go because it was raining."
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's cold! That's cold!
-That's cold-blooded! -That's ice-cold!
[ Laughter and applause ]
"It's raining. I'd love to go on the seesaw.
No way, no way, too wet." -"I've got to watch my stories."
[ Laughter ]
-This one is from @RogerUSAF.
He says, "I told my kids
that FAO Schwarz was a toy museum
so they wouldn't ask me to buy anything for them."
"No, no, now, don't touch. Don't touch anything."
-"Look with your eyes." [ Laughter ]
"Touch with your eyes. Come on." -"It's a toy museum, yeah.
There's 30 Transformers -- the same one."
-"Those numbers are the catalog numbers."
[ Laughter ]
-The last one is from @EmilyOfCoursey.
She says, "Guy asked if I remembered his name.
I'm like, 'Yeah, but how do you spell it?'
He's like, 'T.J.'"
"Alright, huh? You spell it like that?"
There's our "Tonight Show" Hashtags.
Check out more of our favorites
through tonightshow.com/hashtags.
-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
Badvice tweets from you guys.
This one's from @MicahWilliams24.
He says, "Guy at work tried to give me marriage advice
and finished with, 'Trust me, I've been married three times.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Well, then...
"That's three times the experience."
[ Laughter ]
This one's from @2OmarSC1.
Uh, sounds like he's a robot or something, yeah.
He says, "When someone had a cold,
my grandma used to tell them to drink tequila,
because, 'Either you'll lose the cold
or you'll forget about it.'"
It's a good idea. -That's good advice.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Laughs ] This is good.
This is from @ShawnGet.
He says, "My grandpa once told me
not to use my blinker when driving
because, 'It's no one's business where you're going.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Hey, mind your own business!" -Yeah.
-This one's from @britbrhodehouse.
She says, "I was told to sprinkle baby powder
on my sheets to 'freshen them up.'
I woke up looking like a powdered doughnut."
[ Laughter and applause ]
You slept like a baby, literally.
[ Laughter ]
This one's from @ChelseyBunbun.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ] -ChelseyBunbun.
-No, this is a good one. [ Laughter ]
She says, "My dad told me, 'If you have a bad cough,
take a laxative -- then you'll be afraid to cough.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-What?! [ Laughter ]
-That's what I'm talking about.
-That's why they call her Bunbun.
-I don't know. [ Laughs ]
-Hmm! Slossen.
-Alright, this last one's from @KellyGator.
She says, "Bought a car that smelled like cigarettes
and was told vinegar would fix it.
Now my car just smells like pickled cigarettes."
[ Laughter and applause ] There you have it.
Those are our "Tonight Show" Hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.