In the U.S. alone, over 6.5 million children
have an anxiety disorder.
This doesn't happen randomly.
40 million adults also have an anxiety disorder.
We pass on more than our DNA...
One 13 year-old girl and her mother found their path out of the anxiety tunnel. This is their story.
In the hospital,
it became clear immediately when they brought Meg
to us the first time that she was upset
it was different. It was urgent. She needed urgent help.
It didn't feel like a cry like "I'm kinda hungry." I held her through
really everything, just held her a lot and
and sometimes that would work and sometimes it didn't but I felt like at
least I was holding her
while she was having the upset. And then
the rest is history. Hi, my name is Meg Molli and
I am 13 years old. Fourth or fifth grade
is when the anxiety became
big. The first real one, I was probably
nine[9]-ish maybe, and I was
laying in bed and it was before something big was going to happen the next day,
and I remember jerking up and sitting up because my stomach was
churning and
it didn't feel well, and so then I
went to my mom and dad's room and told them I felt sick.
At that point I was shaking. Her heart was racing.
She would want to stand over the toilet, she would never get sick.
It would feel safe if she was in the bathroom. I would
rub her back and say nothing. Just rub her back,
and I would just take some deep breaths.
When she came to the bathroom, of course, my
mind just went back to my own personal experience.
I knew that was the way I processed anxiety as well.
We began taking trips, and it became very clear
that the plane was a trigger. She would have these huge
events in the bathroom where
we would be up with her until 12 and 1 o'clock,
and it was very different. Her body would be shaking,
her respiration would be so fast.
Even though I was a national consultant
helping people all over the country, I was baffled.
It was bigger than anything that I had skills to manage.
I had used what I felt were the Conscious Discipline skills that I had
and
breathing wasn't enough. I contacted Becky and she explained to me that
we had to name it. Now we talk about in Conscious Discipline
naming the feeling and the importance of differentiating between,
"I am anxious." and "I am Meg
feeling anxious." It was
instant. We decided at that point to call it the Funny Feeling.
We decided not to call it anxious. It helps you know what it is
so you don't feel scared about it anymore. She could differentiate between
the Funny Feeling and illness immediately.
My mom gave me this little blue card. It had a star on it,
and it said on it, "I am safe. I am calm. I can handle this."
She would hold the card and she would talk to the feeling
and she would say, "I'm safe. I'm calm.
I can handle this." After we named it, the amount of time
that she would be in the bathroom began to shrink and we just hadn't seen that.
It helped me conquer the Funny Feeling
and
not feel as scared as I was. Now that we've named it and she's claiming it,
she's okay with having the Funny Feeling. There was no
upset about it. No one was angry that she had it.
When we decided I was going to go to camp,
it made me nervous that the Funny Feeling was going to come on again
and my mom wouldn't be there to help me.
One thing that I knew was that not putting her in uncomfortable situations
wouldn't arm her with any new skills. I knew that would be a struggle
and maybe a little scary for me and for her.
With that anxiety I brought tears and so I cried a lot over it.
I sat down with my mom. I said how about
every night, night time is the hardest we know
for everyone but has been typically for Meg and so
how about at night we each have a bracelet on.
When you're going to bed, you hold on to it and send us
some Wish Well thoughts, some love and I'm going to send you strength
and love and know that you're capable of handling
this away experience. Having the bracelets
really made me feel like she was there with me to relax and have fun at camp.
Sometimes a picture
is also helpful. I found the picture and I stuck it in my pillowcase.
It really helped me the first night,
and then just I think having it there every other night helped me not have a big
storm like that
so then I could relax. As a parent,
the first step I believe is
realizing that your child is reflecting what
your own personal struggle is, and so when you see
anxious moments in your child or anger in your child,
what they are exhibiting is really your experience and when you choose to
value their anxiety, when you value their anger
instead a trying to discard it or stop it
then you are willing to own it. When you can own it
as part of your own story then you have a willingness to acknowledge it and
and then to make the changes. We were going to Chicago,
we had got on the plane and I just took a deep breath,
I said, "I'm safe. I'm calm. I can handle this." and it
just went away. From then on it worked every time.
In a car, at a restaurant, on a plane
it worked. I used to be so afraid
of the feeling. Now that I have the skills,
even when it does come, I know I don't have to be scared of it anymore.
When you have a child with anxiety, it's not something that just happens.
I have anxiety. My dad has anxiety.
My grandmother has anxiety, but the most wonderful part is
each time I think that we get better at
sharing skills so I'm just tickled and excited for Meg
to see what skills she'll offer to her children
and that perhaps anxiety will not be something that they have to navigate at all.
You are able to have a fun life without worrying,
not have this heavy weight on your shoulders. It's a big relief.
Joy
Relief
Hope
Jill and Meg claimed their anxiety and everything became possible.
Learn how to do the same for your life.
ConsciousDiscipline.com