♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
MY GUEST TONIGHT WAS THE VERY FIRST GUEST ON "THE LATE SHOW""
OVER FIVE YEARS AGO.
HE'S AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND
HUMANITARIAN, WHO DIRECTED AND STARRED IN HIS LATEST FILM "THE
MIDNIGHT SKY."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," THE ONE, THE ONLY,
MR. GEORGE CLOONEY.
HELLO, GEORGE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> HELLO, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU, MAN?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.
NOW, WE'RE CATCHING YOU IN THE U.K., RIGHT?
>> I AM IN THE U.K.
I CAME HERE BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A DRIVE-IN
PREMIERE FOR THE MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND I LANDED, AND THEY CAME OUT AND SAID, "WE'VE JUST GONE
TO TIER 3.
YOU HAVE TO QUARANTINE FOR TWO WEEKS IN YOUR HOUSE."
SO I GOT HERE, I'M GOING TO BE HERE FOR TWO WEEKS IN THE HOUSE,
NOT ABLE-- I CAN'T WALK ANYWHERE, CAN'T DO ANYTHING, NO
PREMIERE.
SO I'M JUST HERE.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
BUT IS THERE-- IS YOUR LOVELY WIFE, AMAL, WITH YOU?
>> YES, AND THAT MAKES IT ALL FINE.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, I'M SURE IT'S A LOVELY HOUSE, TOO, SO...
>> PERFECTLY LOVELY HOUSE.
AND, YOU KNOW, AND WE BROUGHT THE KIDS, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A
GOOD IDEA.
>> Stephen: SURE.
ALWAYS GOOD.
THREE, THREE YEARS OLD?
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: NOT QUITE FREE RANGE YET.
>> NO, THEY CAN'T FEED THEMSELVES.
AND, APPARENTLY, WHAT I'M FINDING OUT, IS THAT AT SOME
POINT, I HAVE TO EDUCATE THEM, WHICH...
>> Stephen: HMMM... THAT DOESN'T-- THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS
WORK OUT, THOUGH.
THEY GET ALL THOSE NEW IDEAS AND THEY SAY, "DAD, YOU'RE WRONG."
TRUST ME, MY ARE ALL GROWN NOW, AND I EVIDENTLY DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING.
>> WELL, I REMEMBER-- I MET YOUR KIDS, AND THEY WERE-- YOU KNOW,
THEY ALREADY HAD A LEG UP ON YOU ALREADY.
>> Stephen: GEORGE, YOU-- IT'S SO NICE TOY SOO YOU AGAIN.
I'VE WANTED TO HAVE YOU BACK FOR A LONG TIME.
FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO REPORTER COMPLETIST FOR "THE
LATE SHOW," YOU WERE MY VERY FIRST GUEST ON SEPTEMBER 8, OR
SOMETHING LIKE, IN 2005-- 20 15 OVER FIVE YEARS AGO AND WE HAVE
A CLIP OF US SAYING GOOD-BYE.
GEORGE, I WANT TO SIN SERIOUSLY THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST
GUEST.
THAT'S ONE DOWN, AND PLEASE COME BACK MANY, MANY TIMES.
>> CONGRATULATIONS.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
FIRST OF ALL, NEITHER OF US HAS AGED A DAY.
>> NO, NOT AT ALL.
WE LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!
>> Stephen: SECOND OF ALL, YOU SAID YOU WOULD COME BACK
FREQUENTLY.
IT IS FIVE YEARS AND THREE MONTHS SINCE YOU WERE HERE.
THIS IS FREQUENT TO GEORGE CLOONEY?
YOU HAVE BEEN ON "KIMMEL" NINE TIMES SINCE YOU WERE ON MY SHOW.
>> HE LIVES IN L.A., MAN.
>> Stephen: HEY, THAT EXCUSE DOESN'T MEAN ( BLEEP ) ANYMORE!
WE HAVE ZOOM, BABY.
I WANT YOU ONCE A WEEK UNTIL YOU MAKE UP THE LOST TIME.
>> ZOOM, I'LL DO IT EVERY WEEK.
I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.
I'M HERE WITH TWO KIDS.
>> Stephen: STUCK IN THE HOUSE.
>> EXACTLY.
NONE STOP.
CAN'T TALK TO THE KID.
>> Stephen: SO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING THE LASTIFY YEARS?
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON?
>> NOTHING.
WATCHING OUR COUNTRY GO TO ( BLEEP ).
LET'S SEE, WHAT ELSE.
NO, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
>> Stephen: THAT DOES GRAB THE FOCUS BY THE-- BY THE SHORT
HAIRS.
>> YEAH.
BY THE SHORT HAIRS IS EXACTLY-- YOU KNOW, IT'S-- YOU KNOW, WHEN
YOU GET TO THE POINT WHERE THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD IS
CALLING THE PRESS "THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE," YOU KNOW, IT STARTS
TO CAUSE CONCERN.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND SO THAT'S BEEN A-- I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE NEXT KNOW--
THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN'S EXCITEMENT.
THEY'RE THREE YEARS OLD.
HOW EXCITED ARE THEY FOR CHRISTMAS?
BECAUSE THAT'S JUST WHEN THEY'RE BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE
CONCEPT OF GIFTS.
>> AND SANTA CLAUS, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND HAVE THEY WRITTEN LET LETTERS TO SANTA CLA
HAVE THEY COMMUNICATED WHAT THEY WANT TO SANTA?
BECAUSE I HAVE-- I'LL TALK TO THEM IF THEY NEED ME TO.
>> WOULD DO YOU THAT FOR ME?
THANKS.
LOOK, I'VE GOT PROBLEMS ALREADY, WHICH IS I'M DESPERATELY TRYING
TO NOT MAKE THEM LITTLE BRITS, RIGHT.
AND SO IT'S NOT A JUMPER, IT'S A SWEATER.
IT'S NOT "THE BOOT" IT'S THE TRUNK.
IT'S NOT "THE PAVEMENT."
IT'S THE SIDEWALK.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THAT'S WHAT MEN FOUGHT AND DIED AT LEXINGTON AND CONCORD TO
PREVENT.
>> DO THEY CELEBRATE THE FOURTH OF JULY IN LONDON?
THEY DO NOT.
>> Stephen: OR THANKSGIVING.
>> WELL, THERE'S A WHOLE OTHER PROBLEM.
BUT I-- YOU KNOW, YES, MY CHILDREN-- I DID-- I HAVE DONE
EVERYTHING TO-- TO-- TO TRY TO CHANGE THEIR-- THEIR VERSION OF
SPEAKING WITH AN ENGLISH ACCENT.
SO THEY WERE WRITING OUT THEIR NOTE TO SANTA.
AND I SAID, "OKAY, WRITE YOUR NOTE."
AND I SAID, "AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO LEAVE COOKIES AND MILK.
GOING TO LEAVE IT RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE FIREPLACE."
AND MY SON GOES, NO, IT'S MILK AND MINCE PIE."
>> Stephen: OH, NO, OH, NO.
>> A BRIDGE TOO FAR.
>> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO THEM.
YOU WANT SANTA TO COME, NOT FATHER CHRISTMAS.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: FATHER CHRISTMAS-- SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY, SEEMS
LIKE A NICE GUY.
NOT THE SAME GUY.
>> AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS, THOUGH, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, AT
THREE YEARS OLD, YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO KEEP YOUR KIDS IN
LINE, IN GENERAL.
>> Stephen: SURE BECAUSE PEOPLE-- PEOPLE WHO SAY TERRIBLE
TWOs HAVE NEVER HAD A THREE-YEAR-OLD.
BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST AS TERRIBLE BUT THEY'RE STRONGER NOW.
>> THEY CAN LIFT YOU.
AND I'VE GOT TWO OF THEM, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: SMALL-- SMALL BUT RELENTLESS.
>> THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE TERMINATORS.
SO I HAVE DEVISED A WAY TO GET THEM TO BEHAVE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> DURING THIS TIME -- >> Stephen: LET ME WRITE THIS
DOWN.
>> IT MAY NOT WORK WITH YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY'RE A
LITTLE OLDER AND THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THIS.
WHEN THEY'RE ASLEEP IN THE MORNING, AND THEN I CAN HEAR
THEM STARTING-- THEY SLEEP IN THE SAME BEDROOM.
THEY START TO MAKE NOISES IS AND IT GETS REALLY-- THEY'RE
FIGHTING.
YOU CAN HEAR THE TWO OF THEM GET AT EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING.
AND I STAND OUTSIDE THE DOOR AND I GO, I GO, "OH, HEY, HI,
SANTA!" AND THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU HEAR
SANTA IS THERE.
"HO, HO, HO."
SAY SAY, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SANTA?"
AND HE SAYS,"I'M MAKING SURE THE KIDS ARE BEING GOOD KIDS"
AND YOU CAN HEAR THEM GO, "WE ARE, SANTA!
WE ARE!" AND SANTA IS LIKE OKAY!"
AND HE LEAVES AND THEY COME OUT AND THEY'RE UNBELIEVABLY WELL
BEHAVED.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS AMAZING.
NOW, I'M GUESSING THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IMPRESSION OF SANTA
YOU JUST DID, BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, OBVIOUSLY, YOU WERE
THERE PHYSICALLY WITH SANTA RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
AND YOU-- >> YEAH.
AND, BY THE WAY, THAT WORKED WITH YOUR-- IT CAN WORK ON YOUR
PARENTS AS WELL, WHICH IS A...
>> Stephen: AT A CERTAIN AGE.
AT A CERTAIN AGE.
WOW, THAT'S LUCKY.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU CAN -- >> Stephen: SO, JUST HAVE
SANTA-- ALL IT TAKES TO HAVE WELL-BEHAVED CHILDREN IS
ACTUALLY HAVE SANTA COME TO YOUR HOUSE, GOOD.
>> I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE EASTER BUNNY, BECAUSE I'M NOT QUITE
SURE WHAT HE SOUNDS LIKE.
>> Stephen: GEORGE, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK
AROUND EVERYBODY WITH MORE GEORGE CLOONEY.
♪ ♪ ♪