JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is nothing if
not swell bazaar I mean it's a series
that has vampires a sentient gun and
spirit people that pop out of other
people but it's when the series was put
into the hands of climp an all-female
manga house that this adventure got even
more bizarre I'm Jocelyn the intern I do
all the research and nobody else wants
to straight from the desk of battle
first up they decided to start things
off with an issue aptly titled JoJo's
bizarre married life it takes place
right after the Stardust Crusaders arc
where Jojo and friends take down their
archenemy do however clamp made a few
changes eg Abdul and most importantly
[ __ ] Ewing are all still alive oh sorry
spoilers um they died in season 3 if you
didn't know oh
and for some reason upon returning home
from his trip around the world
Jotaro whisks [ __ ] ewing straight to his
house and I [ __ ] you not
forces him to sign marriage papers which
seems illegal to me but you know it's
Jojo anyway [ __ ] Ewing has immediately
declared the wife and gets straight into
the kitchen to cook everyone up some
food how charmingly not 2018 of him but
y'all are here for the sad perpetuation
of gender stereotypes oh you're here for
that nasty nasty welcome nighttime Jojo
scuttles cackling away to the bedroom
this simple act for whatever reason
seems to completely confuse a group of
fully grown adults like what else are
two people doing in bed together the
night of their marriage well these
clueless goons decide it's their right
to take a peek so ol man Joseph uses a
TV and his purple hermit stand to take a
glimpse into their bedroom to see
exactly what's going on now mind you we
as the reader don't get to see but I
think I have a
good idea of what's going on yeah pretty
much like that anyway the manga ends
with Jojo physically scolding all these
peeping toms well if you think forced
marriage between two high school
students is odd it's got nothing on the
second issue so for some reason this
little fan comic eventually got a second
issue because we clearly need to explore
this further right out of the gate were
greeted with a frightened [ __ ] Yuen who
has just woken up to discover a giant
egg in his bed and no not like an
ostrich egg or anything this bad boy is
a genuine a human egg how the hell did
it get there well none of the cast has a
single clue I on the other hand have a
pretty specific theory on just how this
happened to anyway pretty much
immediately after the egg is found it
hatches giving way to a brand new
bouncing baby boy bearing the Jojo
family birthmark which confirms it's
JoJo's child so remember kids if you're
a pair of married high school boys and
are looking to avoid an unwanted
pregnancy make sure to avoid well I
don't know exactly how to human male
mammals lay an egg but it probably has
something to do with science aside this
little egg baby named Joe Ted does not
give a [ __ ] about science first starters
at just a week old he cannot only strike
a pose alongside his dad but apparently
he's also able to start kindergarten at
a week old oh when did I mention he
can't draw better than I'll ever be able
to add a week old
you think Jojo would be thrilled right
wrong this guy tries to hit his one week
old baby just because the picture might
have had a few bad comments about Jojo
on it to top it all off this talented
stylish little bastard also has a stand
it's a blend of joe joestar platinum and
cocoons Hierophant green jojo decides to
name it after his dish soap because he's
a shitty dad so yeah meet char me green
if it wasn't stupid enough somehow the
little brat is then shown to be in high
school by the age of 10 and then well
the comic just kind of ends so yeah
that's the story of how Jojo forced his
high school friend into marriage and
then after a night of made a human egg
baby prodigy fun fact I could really use
a beer after that bizarre adventure
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