(inspiring music)
- And that is why we are running for president.
Any questions? - Yeah.
- Oh God, you? - Really?
- Hi, I'm Maddy.
- We know who you are. - Yes.
- From Harbaugh High School. - We know.
Okay, I just wanted to know
which one of you is running for president
and which is vice president?
And that is not my only question.
- We will both be president.
- Okay, well you can't do that.
I learned that in school.
- Hey guys.
(whipping arm)
Um.
You know I'm like always on your team, you know, and
I'm a big fan.
(whipping arm)
- Geeze. - What's your platform?
- [Johnno] God, we'll answer it
but please just be careful with that stick.
Michael, would you like to take this one?
- Thank you. - You're very welcome.
See?
It's already working.
- Okay, so what is a party?
- I feel like you didn't actually answer my question.
- No, I'm actually asking you guys.
What is a political party?
- It's a group that rallies around the same beliefs
and tries to gain political power.
- Do a lot of people in school
tell you you're a know-it-all?
- No, they put me in AP History.
- That party sounds like it sucks.
- It's a class.
- [Johnno] You know what?
This is not about you and your studies!
It's about us running for president, Maddy!
- How come you know her name but not my name?
- [Michael] 'Cause you've never told us.
- [Johnno] You've never told us it.
What's your name?
- I've told you.
- Keep! Just give us-- - Stop!
- Just give us a minute for a second!
Let us just say something please!
- Okay? - Please.
We had this all prepared.
This is happening now.
This is for the future.
- [Michael] It's real life.
- Is it happening now or is it for the future?
- We have been running this in our bathroom for three days!
Just let us get through it!
- Why in the bathroom?
- [Johnno] Because it's got the best light!
- Good, hands up!
- [Michael] The best light in our house.
Hey, man! - Guys!
- Go in the corner for, God! - Guys!
- I'm out of breath.
- What brings people together?
A good party,
snacks, foods, drinks.
And that's what we're gonna do,
have the best parties,
invite a bunch of cool leaders of other places
to our parties and they'll say "Let's work together."
- Exactly.
Another note, we love holidays.
- [Stick Guy] Where?
- Hold on.
Hold on, okay?
- [Johnno] Aww crap, he's got two now.
- So you guessed it.
Every holiday we're gonna be throwing a party.
- That's right. - Columbus Day.
You know. - Veterans Day!
- Christmas!
Easter.
- St. Patties Day.
- Indigenous Peoples Day.
That is very good Maddie. - Where?
I'm partial to holiday parties, I wanna come.
Where's it gonna be?
- [Johnno] You're not gonna be invited.
- You're just being a bully now.
- [Johnno] 'Cause you're always whipping,
you see, that, that, that, stop.
- We have a lot of like glassware in our home,
so like that's gonna be broken.
- A bull in a China shop.
We can't deal with that.
- If you let go of that it's gonna hit me.
- I never let go, Jack.
- [Michael] What are some keys to being president?
You've gotta be funny. You've gotta be personal.
You've gotta be endearing. You've gotta be fun.
- I have no more questions. - Oh, speaking of,
I got a joke.
What happened to the last person
who wasn't funny and ran for president?
- I don't know, what?
- Punchline's coming.
Ready for it?
Hillary Clinton.
(Johnno laughing)
- [Johnno] All right, off to the campaign trail!
Peace!
- So is he gonna give me a ride home?
- [Johnno] Uh, that's your responsibility.
I don't,
I don't...
(high-fiving)
(upbeat music)
(car honking)
(upbeat music)
(people cheering)
- [Michael] Good. How are ya?
- [Man] Great.
- [Michael] You gonna vote for Michael and Johnno?
- I will vote for Michael and John.
- Yes.
There you go.
- Good to see you!
- We will throw a party whenever someone gets a new job.
- Nice! - Yes! There you go!
- I know! We're doing a good job!
I like you a lot too!
Don't know you, but I like ya!
(upbeat music)
- Thank you. - Thank you so much.
We love you guys.
- Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!
Everybody! - Thank you guys.
It was delicious.
I appreciate it.
How you doing guys?
Good to see you.
See you in November.
Hey, give me that baby.
I'm gonna kiss it.
(upbeat music)
(thundering boom)
- [Karen] Okay, welcome to the press conference.
Light turnout.
So, let's just field some questions then, huh?
- Miss Maruyama! - Miss Maruyama!
Miss Maruyama!
- Clare.
- Yes. Thank you Miss Maruyama.
Do you feel as though Johnno and Michael
are a threat to your campaign?
- I'm sorry, who?
- Johnno and Michael,
they're running for president.
- Okay, that doesn't make sense.
So I would say no, I'm not worried.
Next question.
- Miss Maruyama, right here!
Miss Maruyama! - Well, Liz.
- What about the fact that they like parties?
Seems like the notion of more parties
is starting to catch on.
- Actual parties or support for their political party?
- Actual parties.
- [Karen] Yeah.
Liz, Clare you too, this is not a middle school election.
Why are we even talking about this?
I am running a serious campaign.
I am a diverse woman.
I've served on congress for over 30 years.
This is a strong campaign
based on equality, economics, and renewable energy.
The three E's I like to call them, huh?
- Okay.
No more questions for Mrs. Maruyama.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
- You know, now might be a good time
to introduce my campaign manager,
but more importantly, my lovely wife, Denise.
Thank you.
(Karen clapping)
Thank you so much sweetheart.
So, anyway.
You can add that to my list of positives, all right?
Thank you so much. Peace.
(Karen chuckling)
Okay.
- Thank you. (reporters clapping)
- Denise.
Only two people?
You were supposed to vet this out.
- It's Rosh Hashanah.
- Okay, but there are non-Jewish reporters.
- No there aren't.
- Okay, yes there are, all right?
Yes there are.
(upbeat music)
(crowd clapping) (upbeat music)
- Welcome to, thank God,
the final presidential debate of 2019.
Again, I am your moderator for this evening, Brett Maline.
Got a few more questions for the candidates.
Johnno and Michael, we'll start with you.
Your thoughts on social security?
Great question, Brett.
Thank you for asking that.
If you're gonna have a party,
why not do it with free money that the government gives you?
That is the definition of social security.
- Throw a party
on us.
- And here we go.
Immigration.
- I'm glad you asked me that, Brett.
The immigration issue
is something I am very passionate about.
(crowd clapping)
- Foreign policy?
- (speaking in French)
That means we are friends with France.
- (speaking in Spanish)
- Spanish.
- Party. - No.
- What about the marginal income tax rate?
- I'm very happy you asked me about that, dear friend.
This has been a hot button topic
since taxation without representation in the 13 colonies.
And I have a plan.
(crowd clapping)
- Job rate?
- Did someone say--
- Party?
- Israeli party.
- Palestinian party.
- At the same time.
- Finally, the last question!
End of...
Going to Johnno and Michael.
What is more important,
equality of opportunity or equality of outcome?
Just, just--
- [Michael] So happy you asked us that, Brett.
When you're at a festival or a get together,
and you're left out of the keg
or left out of the beer bong,
the atmosphere that you're creating is one of...
- Can I jump in here?
- Oh, please Johnno. - Thank you.
What we're trying to say about parties
is that it's a--
- No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut your dumb mouths!
Your mouths are dumb
when they move and when they don't move!
- Did you see what we were saying with the party--
- No!
I have sat here for four hours straight
- Come on, you're gonna bust a gasket.
- listening to you morons ramble on
about the only thing you seem to know anything about!
Now answer the question!
Or I'm gonna kill myself!
- Whoa.
Don't. - Okay. Whoa.
- Don't,
don't kill yourself, man.
- I am literally going to commit--
- [Johnno] That's the best thing about our whole idea.
- If you were to die, there would be a party thrown for you.
- Funeral. - Yes.
- And a wake if, what are you?
You Catholic?
You're Jewish?
- No!
- Mind if I hop in here, Brett?
- Please.
- Disparity in the United States is at an all-time high.
Now, is that because of a lack of opportunity?
Of course it is.
But we have to focus,
not only on the outcome for the middle class,
but for all classes.
So I need to ask you something, Brett.
What are we really talking about here?
(crowd clapping) Hmm?
We need to think about it. (crowd clapping)
- Oh, (beep) you Karen.
(thundering boom)
- Well, we made a good run at it.
- Yeah.
Can't believe how far we got. - Mm.
- Do we have to make a concession speech or--
- No.
No, dude.
I mean, she won 100% of the electoral college
and the popular vote, so.
- Yeah.
- So you voted for her?
- Oh yeah.
You can't vote for yourself.
- Well, looks like Karen did.
- Well, it was the right choice.
- It was. It was.
The future is looking bright.
- For her. - For her.
For her.
Yeah, I don't know what the hell we're gonna do next.
- Well,
we'll try something else. - Mm.
(upbeat music)
(wind blowing)